I’m an over-user of words. Mainly, words like awesome or perfect or dude. All three very important words that I think everyone should use all the time. They make conversations so much more fun.
The other day, when editing a co-worker’s email, I automatically wanted to put the word AWESOME in it, but it had something to do about retirement plans and didn’t seem like quite the content that would have used awesome as a descriptor word. Maybe some people would disagree, but they weren’t the ones proofreading the email now, were they?
Sometimes, I arbitrarily type awesome into Google. I can’t explain why. I just like to do it from time to time. This time around, I found this:
Why, yes, that is a graph of how popular the word awesome has become. I’m not surprised. I can’t imagine Susan B. Anthony using the word awesome to describe any of the anti-slavery movement work she did in the 1850s. I could be wrong. Maybe Helen Keller would have used it, if only there were a sign for it, you know? It looks like it really started taking off right around the time Sandra Day O’Connor turned 25 and her car insurance went down, which is definitely something I would use awesome to describe.
Google suggested that excellent was a prime synonym for awesome and probably a little more appropriate for emails around the workplace.
Popularity of excellent since Sojourner Truth was born:
And I have to tell you, I’m disappointed. I full on expected a gigantic spike in 1989 on usage of the word excellent. Why?
For the past 11 days (not that we’re counting), we’ve sat at home and tried to kill time the best we can to distract ourselves from thinking about what may or may not be taking place in Amelia’s innards. That usually lasts about an hour or two before we start typing things like 10dpiui (which is code for 10 days post-intrauterine insemination) into Google and see exactly what this potential zygote is up to right now – growing legs, filing its fingernails, reciting the Gettysburg Address, whatevs.
And as we all know from spending way too much time on the internet, it’s full of nobody but dummies. With the exception of you all, of course.
I don’t really know what it was that my wife was Googling tonight and I probably don’t want to. I just know that this screenshot happened:
Granted, this was from ask.com, which I think only gets used by people that can’t spell Google, but still… These questions? Really? Let me do my part to help answer these questions about sperm, keeping in mind that I really know nothing about it, except how much it costs when you want to buy 23 million of them.
- What is dry sperm? Gross and dead.
- Is sperm nutritious? Are you gulping gallons per day? Then don’t worry about it.
- How to kill sperm? With tiny shivs made out of toothbrushes.
- Is ‘semen’ sperm? Semen contain spermatozoa, my friend. I learned that in my Biology class.
- Do girls sperm? … I just … why?
- Is sperm healthy? Pretty sure it’s low carb, so that’s a start!
And see, these people are just ladies sexin’ some bros and they have no idea about anything. And they’re the ones that end up letting their kids climb into a machine full of stuffed animals that you have to get out with a claw. Or the ones that can’t brush their own teeth without poking their eyes out with their toothbrush.
I was trying to decide if I should take Sudafed along with my shot of Dayquil this morning or if my heart would explode, and somehow stumbled upon this gem of an individual:
I was coming up with all sorts of awesome ideas I could give this joker – some that I’ve tried (all legal) and some that I just would like to suggest to a dummy on the internet – and then I read the GA Atlanta Water Damage Restoration real answers that real people actually gave him.
Moral of the story: don’t smoke muffins.