when it comes to babies, the internet is the worst place to be

I know it’s all baby stuff all the time right now, but if I wrote about the other things going on in my life, it would look like this:

  • Work is grand.
  • School is moving along.
  • Minneapolis Community & Technical College is a giant joke, but I only have five more weeks of classes there, then an eight week summer semester where I’m taking classes from a different school since MCTC makes it literally impossible to actually get their Associate’s of Arts online, even though they have a degree program called Online Associate’s of Arts. But at the end of June, I’ll have one degree down, and a very angrily worded letter/blog post/novel to share. I just want the degree first.
  • The teenage man child in our house is kicking school in the face and is about to line up an internship for the summer. Again.
  • All the animals are as awesome as ever, as evident from my constant posting pictures of them on Petstagram, Instagram, whatever.

That’s it. And I’m excellent with that.

It’s been a whirlwind of baby-fueled shopping, planning, reorganizing, planning, budgeting, planning and planning house over here in dangerous North Minneapolis. Now, obviously this bebe was planned, almost down to the minute that it happened. With that planning, we truly discussed everything. There’s just something different about discussing this creation of a new life and then, you know, realizing that it’s going to be here in less than 200 days. TWO HUNDRED DAYS. We’ve been in crazy purge mode lately and, if you’ve ever helped me move, you’ll know that I don’t purge. I don’t HOARD, but I do have the tendency to keep things as bit longer than I should.

So, babies and the internet. That’s how I got you here. I mean, I’m sorry to put it so bluntly, but people are fucking stupid and it scares me that so many of the reproduce. My wife belongs to a few groups on Facebook with LGBT couples trying to conceive and it’s really been helpful with some things we’ve been growing through and some concerns we’ve had. She’ll sometimes share what some of the people post. And usually, they’re stupid that I beg her to tell me what the name of the group is so I can leave comments that say STOP IT RIGHT NOW. I guess I see why.

Babies and the Internet II: Sometimes, I like to Google things like “11 week old fetus” to see pictures of fetii that are similar to the one we’ve created. I always immediately regret it, because pro-lifers have taken the liberty of photoshopping the hell out of some images that make me want to throw up. And I don’t want to throw up because they’re aborted fetuses, because in this instance: THEY’RE NOT. I want to throw up because people out there spend so much time trying to scare the everloving bejeezus out of women that are considering abortion. It’s terrible. A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled upon an image someone had thrown out there of a bucket full of 9 week old fetuses, and of course they were covered in blood and all had tears running down the sides of their faces. Screw you, pro-lifers. You can have your opinion, but can you at least share that opinion in a way that’s not grossly inaccurate and uses complete fear to get your point across?

Babies and the Internet III (this is the good stuff): I now know that our little dinosaur looking thing is about 1 1/2 inches long right now, which is almost the size of my thumb. I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact that the clothes we’ve been stocking up on are MUCH BIGGER THAN THAT and the baby will be fitting into some of them in, you know, less than 200 days. Did I mention that earlier? The internet says it’s the size of a fig, but the only thing that I know about figs is that they make Fig Newtons out of them, so that’s not helping me much in terms of visualization. Other websites say the baby could be the size of a lime. I think that’s much cuter:

Lime-sized representation with his/her older brother.

What's up?