I’m from Missouri. In Missouri, it’s normal to see temps above 100 and humidity above a kabillion percent. Yes, in my 9 years in the Twin Cities, I’ve gotten a little spoiled in the summer. But these past few days have been perfect reminders as to why I hate Missouri summers.
It’s been so hot in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area over the last couple of days:
- TC Bear (the Minnesota Twins mascot) melted.
- A local TV station baked cookies on the dashboard of a car (which should also serve as a reminder that you’re a f’ing moron and deserved to be kicked in the gonads if you leave your dogs/kids in a parked car during the summer).
- “I’m hot” has become a common answer that people give me when I say, “How are you today?” over the phone.
- Riley refuses to go outside to pee unless you push him out there.
- A local weatherdouche has coined a phrase: Humigeddon. Simply translated: Prepare to sweat your balls off.
- I have managed to catch a cold. It’s kept me homebound for three nights, instead of visiting my friends (the treadmill, bike, elliptical and swimming pool) at the gym.
- The Twins’ TV guys tried to fry an egg on their desk during an afternoon game.