The Cuz blogged about some of her fears the other day… except, well, they were kind of rational. And I don’t think I have a single rational fear.
Points in case:
1. Birds. I’m entirely scared of birds pecking my eyes out with their pointy little beaks. The General drug me into the Bird Room at the Human Society a few weeks ago. It wasn’t five minutes before one had escaped and landed right on my shoulder. You know why pirates have eye patches? Because the damn bids that sit on their shoulders POKE THEIR EYES OUT.
2. Cows. I like to eat them so much, you’d think I’d just want to hug them all the time. But I don’t at all and that’s because at any given time, they could make their secret cow call and start a stampede rendering me completely helpless and just moments away from my death. Even one cow could kill me. I’m certain of it. How in the hell can I reason with a cow long enough to tell them that murdering me is most certainly not the right answer? And if you put them all in a giant cow-carrying truck that just heightens my fear, because what if that truck runs into me, flips over, and all of the cows get out? They’re all going to get angry and attempt to stampede!
And then I found a third one tonight.
3. SOCKS WITH TOES. Who in the hell invented these things and why do you people buy them? Socks are not supposed to have toes! See, mittens morphed into gloves with fingers so people can do things like find their keyes, drive, tie their shoes, flip people off while driving, etc. Toes do not ever need to do any of these things, so there is no logical reason at all why socks should have individual TOES. (Unless you have no arms, and that should be the only reason one should ever wear toe socks.)