i hope she doesn’t live in my building

I decided to go get some Chinese food a couple of hours ago, mainly because the last thing I’d eaten was some toast after I woke up this morning. I don’t really know where the good Chinese places are around here yet, so I opted for what I know: Leann Chin. Clearly my most authentic option, I know.

In any case, I was walking out around the same time as a middle-aged lady. I jumped in front of her and opened the door, because I’m motherfuckin’ nice like that. As I stood there, with the door open, she stopped dead in her tracks and said: "You’re going out the IN door".

The only other patron in the place besides the two of us was a couple that were entirely too engrossed in their fortune cookies to worry about who was going in what door, so her declaration took me by a bit of surprise. I answered the best I could by telling her I didn’t think it really mattered, while giving her my polite chuckle. (Shuddup, you know you have one too.)

And then she goes on to tell me how people of my generation are always going in the out door and out the in door, and how we have no sense of "following clearly labeled instructions".

What the fuck, lady. All I want to do is go home, watch Flavor of Love 3, eat my five billion grams of sodium, and continue my quiet day. But instead, I have to endure the wrath of some lady, who’s clearly pissed off at every person in "my generation" that lives in Minneapolis, because we can’t read. Suck it, lady. You deserve absolutely no fortune in your fortune cookie!

I hope she goes home and Googles "Leann Chin" +Hennepin Ave +Minneapolis +complete stranger that was trying to do me a favor by opening the door and finds this.


  1. PeeWee

    You should have told her “Most people in YOUR generation can just say THANK YOU when a door is held for them!”

  2. Oh man. That would have been perfect!

    Much better than my alternate plan of slamming the door in her face and opening the right one.

  3. Julie

    Don’t you hate it when you come up with like 30 things you should have done in situations like this…but like hours later?

    I am really non confrontational…but then always regret it later when I come up with the most clever thing ever to say to the person.

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