how i’m justifying stealing a wireless signal

Hey, you knew a Comcast rant was coming! Since moving automatically involves interaction Comcast, it was bound to happen.

2/12: I called Comcast to set up a disconnect at my old apartment and a reconnect at my new apartment. I did it 2 weeks in advance, just so there wouldn’t be a long amount of time between internet/watching TV, because hi, I’m addicted to both. Appointment scheduled for 2/22 from 11:00 – 2:00 p.m. The lady pitches a Triple Play Promo (OMGPROMO) and I agree to it, because ti’s cheaper. I ask if I need to go ahead and bring my TVs and computer to the new apartment. She says no.

2/21: Internet and TV service is disconnected at the old apartment. Good job, Comcast.

2/22 12:00 p.m.: While waiting for the cable installer to show up, I get a call from Comcast to tell me I have a past due balance. I ask the lady to check again, and she says, "Oh, right. Nope, no past due balance." Hey, I’m almost 30. I pay my bills now. And then she decides the reason she’s calling is because I have equipment from a closed account. I remind her that the account was just closed the day before, and it’s actually being reactivated at any moment, depending on when the cable guy arrives. She says, "Oh, right. Sorry about that." and hangs up.

2/22 12:45 p.m.: The cable guy shows up. Really nice guy. Asks me where my computer is. I tell him I don’t have it here yet, and he says he can’t hook up all of the digital products without it (i.e. my phone service and digital cable). He calls and sets up another appointment for me, being Tuesday (tomorrow), because that was the first availability. While he’s here, he turns on my regular cable so I don’t have to go without. Super nice guy, and gold star for him.

2/23 5:30 p.m: I hook up all the electronics that belong on my TV stand, including the cable modem. And then I notice, HEY, all the lights on my cable modem are on! I might have internet service! I had Tivo check for me, and of course, it couldn’t connect. I called Comcast tech support, and ended up talking to a guy who talked to me like I was stupid. I, in turn, decided to talk to him like he was a phone sex operator. In the duration of this phone call, I cancel the triple play option thingamajig and decide to just stick with internet/standard cable. He told me I had to call the sales department, so I decided to go ahead and do that. But not until we celebrated Matt’s birthday. At bars.

2/24 12:43 a.m.: After a few drinks, I decided to call Comcast back. They’re open 24 hours, so why not? A very nice lady answered the phone. She tried a lot of things; I was laying in bed. She put me on hold while she checked something, and I fell asleep. She woke me up, and I’m pretty sure she knew I was sleeping based on my response of "Hrmmmph". She told me I’d have to call back sometime after 10:00 a.m. when the supervisors got there. Um, okay.

2/24 10:30 a.m.: I call and talk to another nice lady. For the 3rd time, I have to explain the situation. She tells me that she knows what has to happen, but it has to be done by the "warehouse", and those people aren’t in the office until Monday. She took my contact information and promised it’d be done first thing this morning and she’d give me a call when it had been completed.

2/25 12:05 p.m.: I call again, because I’m impatient. I get transferred to three different people and finally reach a guy, who needs me to explain the story three times. He does some things on his end that require me repeating the MAC address on my modem fourteen times and him sighing about 6510 times. He lets me know that, "yeah, someone will have to call you when it’s all said and done." Great. I’m supposed to call back in four hours if I don’t hear from them.

2/25 12:35 p.m.: My phone rings and I can tell it’s Comcast. It’s a recording letting me know that I had canceled the appointment I had scheduled for tomorrow to get everything installed. THANKS, IDIOTS. I’d cancel everything else if it was an option. TRUST ME.

2/25 5:33 p.m.: Of course it’s not fixed. I called and talked to a guy, who had to read through fourteen different pages of notes. I’ve been nothing but pleasant every time I’ve called, because with the cable company, it’s not going to do any good to be angry with them. This kid told me the same thing the last two people have told me, only he put an ESCALATION on my account. Oooh, and escalation! I asked him this was any different then the first two times someone’s supposedly did something, and he didn’t have an answer except an offer for me to talk to his supervisor. I’m sleepy and cranky right now, so I didn’t talk to the supervisor. This kid’s timeframe for it to be all taken care of? As soon as possible. Thanks, dickweed. Heard that before. I’ll sit and wait until tomorrow morning before I call to find out why it’s so hard for my "modem to be added to the network", because clearly nothing’s going to get done outside of normal business hours.

2/26 12:11 p.m.: Still nothing. No surprise. I call back. After being transfered twice, I wind up talking to Sook. Sook is very helpful and tells me that the last few reps I’ve talked to have made notes that I own the modem. Now, this is odd, because A) I’ve paid $3/month for the last two years to use it (maybe I *should* buy one), B) I’ve told them this every time and C) considering I’m billed for it monthly, you’d think it’d show up on my account. And because I am renting this modem, I have to go exchange it for a new one since I "moved markets", which is what happens when one moves from Eagan to Minneapolis. I wouldn’t be pissed about it, but this is the 6th time I’ve called and I’m just now hearing about this little exchange program. I tell Sook I want to talk to a supervisor, just to make sure everything is kosher. He doesn’t blame me and puts me on hold while he tries to find one. He comes back several minutes later (I was pooping; I had time to kill) and tells me they’re all on the phone, but he promises one will call me back.

2/26 10:50 p.m.: I call back, because I want to find out if I should really be exchanging the modem tomorrow and I want to find out where the fuck the phone call is I was supposed to receive earlier today might be. And I guess I’m just a gigantic glutton for punishment at this point. And fucking fuck. This dude verifies that, yep, I have to go exchange modems. Comcast is getting a very nasty letter and a very nasty email and anything else I can do, because holy shit, this is ridiculous. It took seven phone calls and by the time I pick up the modem tomorrow, five days for me to figure this out.

And until my SuckComcasttastic service is actually up and running, I’m stealing internet service and my Tivo is said because it still thinks I’m watching Eagan channels.

I have another post to rant about, too, but I need to at least unpack two boxes today or I’ll feel completely unproductive.


  1. Comcast is probably completely confused by that one-of-a-kind, never-happened-before thing you did last weekend. You know, moving. They’ve probably never had to handle a complication like that before.

    I keep my wifi open. The only people close enough to use it are my neighbors, so why not?

  2. I found three, and I’m guessing they’re either neighbors in my building or somewhere else close by, because they’re fantastic connections. If I didn’t feel like a complete jerk doing it, I’d just cancel the Comcast service all together and mooch off my neighbors!

  3. PeeWee

    I bet at the end of every Comcast call, they end it with “is there anything else I can help you with today? Thanks for calling Comcast!” GAH.

  4. That’s exactly how they end their calls, and I always give them a “I guess not, since you can’t help me with the original reason I called”.

    And yes! I did see it. I still loved Sarah Silverman’s the most, but it was damn funny. I loved the Josh Groban!

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