this got longer than it should have

I just got a call that I’d been waiting for ever since I turned in my notice to Get the Fuck Out vacate my current apartment. It was from the girl I’d originally rented the apartment from, and ironically, she’d quit just a few months after renting my apartment to me. One of her big "selling points" in the sales pitch of the century to get me to sign my lease was that the former management company (Equity Apartments) was not only a great place to live, but potential renters could see that by the fact that the employees were so loyal and stayed around for so long. She was a nice girl, and I desperately needed an apartment, so SOLD.  This was in February 2006. Turns out, she’s recently come back to work, because A) she hated the old management company and B) the things the new management company would be doing were going to be so great. Right.

About nine months ago, the new management company got the balls rolling with pissing me off at least once a month. I could go back and link to posts, but it’d just piss me off even more. So, you can have a brief list:

  • They don’t enforce any type of quiet time.
  • They often can’t find packages that are delivered to the office.
  • The guy that works in the office is an asshole.
  • The customer service is shitty.
  • They take forever to fix things in common areas.
  • The "security system" doesn’t actually record anything in the building.
  • My locks were changed and they didn’t tell me until I came home one day.
  • The appearance has gone downhill (half painted walls, trash everywhere, etc.)
  • I was going to have to pay another deposit if I wanted to move into a 1BR in my current building.
  • Remember the shit that backed up onto my bathroom floor and took days to fix?
  • How about the time the bathroom above was leaking into my shower?
  • The laundry facilities only work every now and then.
  • Nobody picks up their dog shit.
  • A blended family of hippos, rhinos, and buffalo live upstairs.
  • A family of 6540 meerkats live next door.


That’s why it was an easy decision to not renew my lease here again at the end of February. Plus, I’m in Minneapolis at least three times a week, if not more. And it’s cheaper. And if I choose to shave my head again, I won’t get gawked at like I’m a skinhead while shopping for underwear at Target.

Anyway, the nice girl proceeded to give me her pitch on why I should renew my lease, and how this company is so much better. I told her why I thought it wasn’t, and she responded with: "Well, they stopped taking Section 8."  Because I guess it’s the poor people that screw up all of the locks on my door and it’s definitely the poor people that cause the asshole in the office to be such a little bitch every time I call.  (I just looked on the management company’s website, and they’re very proud about still taking Section 8 people. Interesting.)

Then she asked where I was moving, and I said Minneapoils. She says, "Why would you want to live in Minneapolis?"

"Because I’m there all the time" was my absolute truthful response; you can look at the odometer on my car if you don’t believe me.

"But you were so excited to move here! I live there and I don’t like it" Then move, bitch! Seriously.

That was almost two years ago. I lived somewhere that I didn’t want to live anymore and I needed to move into a place that Riley and I would be welcomed. It was kind of slim pickings, because I guess I was too scared to move to MInneapolis then. I’m not sure what the hell I was thinking.


Short of decreasing my rent hundreds of dollars, I don’t think there’s a single thing that anyone in this new shithole management company could say to get me to stay in this apartment another year. I know this girl was just doing her job by calling and trying to get me to stay, but she didn’t do a very good job of convincing me it was gonna get better here.


  1. I dunno yet. It’ll depend on what I can find that will take my big fat dog!

    I have a few ideas. Uptown is my favorite idea, but I’m open to other areas, too.

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