know when to fold ’em AI style

I hate country night. It’s nothing against country music. Well, maybe it is. I think it’s mainly due to the song choice on nights like these. The songs are boring and because the majority of the contestants don’t know the songs, it’s harder for them to actually make it “their own”.

kennyr.jpgThankfully, there are only nine contestants left and then there’s Kenny Rogers minus us awesome mullet from back in the “Islands in the Stream” days. What they really need is a Dolly Parton night on this show. That would liven things up a little bit. Or at least it would be right in time for the DVD release of 9 to 5, which would go quite well with the way they’vebeen picking the rest of their celebrity helpers or whatever they’re calling them this year since they’re not even judging.

Also, Ryan needs to shave. His metro/homosexual credibility is falling down the drain looking as scruffy as he is. If they’re not careful, the show might lose half of their gay male between the ages of 16-35 viewers.

Taylor Hicks – “Take Me Home Country Roads” by John Denver is his song choice. It doesn’t sound familiar, but I have a feeling that will be a reoccurring theme over the course of the next hour. Standing/sitting in one spot does not do Taylor justice. I’m not used to him being so boring, and it’s just not a typical fun Taylor performance.

Randy, who is sporting a hideous red vest, says it’s just okay. Paula doesn’t think he was able to show who he is through that song. Simon called him safe, boring, and lazy. Ryan compared that to Simon’s love life. Early on, the idiotic behavior starts.

Mandisa – Shania Twain’s “Any Man of Mine” is what she’s going with. I think maybe Kenny Rogers is frightened by her. Mandisa is so awesome and for her to pick a cutesy, plain song like “Any Man of Mine” is quite disappointing. Did you know that Shania Twain songs are some of the most common songs sang by girls in Karaoke? I just made that up, but in my personal experiences, it’s gotta be true.

Randy liked the last four bars of the song. Paula says Mandisa can sing. Thank you, Captain Obvious. Simon thought the song was horrible.

Elliott Yamin – I can’t explain it, but Elliott is turning into my American Idol boyfriend. He picks “If Tomorrow Never Comes” by Garth Brooks. While this is a very meaningful song, it’s boring as hell. Elliott is still really good, though, and I was fantastically happy to see him throw a little bit of soul in it at the end.

Randy thought Elliott was hot tonight and liked his Stevie-vibe that he brought to the song. Paula calls him humble, understated, and fantastic. I think she also uses some words she either a) makes up or b) doesn’t know the meaning of. Simon calls the song safe and a bit hesitant. I say four votes for you tonight, Elliott, because that’s as many times as I could get through on your special little voting number.

Paris Bennett – She sings “How Do I Live Without You”, which is a song that I’ve heard so many times. Paris has a really strong voice and, as we know, is really talented. I was hoping she’d throw her own spin on this song somehow, but instead it came out sounding like every other rendition I’ve ever heard of the song.

Randy says it’s just alright. Paula says it was obvious she struggled to own the stage this week, which caused the audience to boo her. Simon called the performance very good and compared her to a young Dionne Warwick, but I almost wonder if that was staged just to piss off Paula. Nothing surprises me with these idiot judges this year. Nothing at all.

Ace Young – Ace pulls out a sad, cry-my-eyes-out balled called “Tonight I Wanna Cry”, which is done by Keith Urban. Ace has this natural sad look on his face, which makes these songs easy for him to pull off. I’d love to see him rock out or go with some hip-hop/R&B song, but he’d end up going with K-Ci and Jojo or someone equally as sad-sounding just so he can make he ladies feel sad for him. Whatever gets the votes, I guess, right?

Randy thought his performance was nice, but really boring. Paula says Ace has a knack for picking the right song. Simon calls the song very good.

Kellie Pickler – She sings “Fancy” by Reba McEntire. I’m not entirely ashamed to admit that I’ve had this song memorized since the 7th grade. And, internet, if it weren’t for you, I would have completely fast-forwarded through Pickler’s performance just because she drives me that crazy. Of course, Ryan has to ask her about the internet rumors going around about her own naivety. Like a good idiot, she claims who we see on TV is who we get and immediately want someone to throw a large cinder block at her knees to make her stop talking.

I was halfway hoping Ace’s brother would trip her as she walked through the crowd. If he would have done that, America wouldn’t have been able to hear Pickler say “I may have been poor white trash”. Am I the only one that laughed out loud at her singing that? I was really bored by her performance. That’s nothing new with her, though.

Randy and Paula both agree that this is Kellie’s night. Simon hated the song, but loved the performance.

Chris Daughtry – I just want to rub his head. He sings “Making Memories of Us”, which is another Keith Urban song that’s actually managed to make the crossover to Top 40 stations, too. I was really glad his performance fit the genre tonight, instead of taking “There’s a Tear in my Beer” by Hank Williams Jr. and turning into something from a Radiohead concert. Yay for Chris.

Randy enjoyed it. Paula says he has versatility and still stayed true to who he is. Simon says he was glad to see him switch it up, but then goes on to blast all of the contestants of the night for their poor song choices. That’s why I had to vote for Chris three times.

Katharine McPhee – Here’s a little secret. I’d fast forward through Katharine’s performances, too. She sings a Faith Hill song called “Bringing out the Elvis”. This is one of my least favorite Faith Hill songs, because I always think it sounds like something you’d hear in a really bad Las Vegas lounge. I’ve never been to Vegas, so I could be way off. Katharine doesn’t do anything to make it sound special or unique. Just like every week while she sings, I managed to space off and try to figure out when I was going to do my laundry.

Randy says it was very nice and she did a good job. Paula thought she looked sexy and hot. Simon’s not a fan of the song choice, but I seem to remember someone else singing this on a previous AI season, and him saying the same thing.

Bucky Covington – If Bucky doesn’t light it up this week, I don’t know that there’s much hope left for him. I can’t imagine another themed week that will play into his hands as easily as Country Week. He picks a Gary Allan song called “Best I Ever Had”. Kenny Rogers explicitly tells him he’s going to have to annunciate the words better. But does he do it? Nope. As he does every week, his singing sounds mumbled and meaningless. He doesn’t even sound on key.

Randy thought it was pitchy, too, but eventually cleaned up towards the end. Paula says Bucky and Kellie really shined tonight and this was their element. Simon said he sounded okay.

Who do I think should be in the bottom three based on just tonight’s performance? Bucky, Ace, and Paris.

Who do I think America will put in the bottom three? Bucky, Ace, and Mandisa.

I’ll only be half surprised if Taylor and/or Kellie winds up in the bottom three, too. Country week is such a hard week for the majority of singers that aren’t used to singing or listening to it.

I thought I heard at the gym to night, while reading the closed captioning on Entertainment tonight, that next week is Rock Week and the contestants actually got together with the band Queen.


  1. I’m stunned that you don’t know “Take Me Home Country Roads”. Taylor could have done so much better. He could have to’ up Willie Nelson’s “Ain’t it Funny How Time Slips Away”.

    Mandisa sounded winded. She could have done so much better. If they had the option of classic country, she could have done an amazing job with some Patsy Cline or Loretta Lynn. Mandisa doing “Rated X”? I’d buy it.

    I thought Elliot was better than Garth.

    Paris and Ace? *yawn*

    Kellie? I don’t think she’s just naive; I think she’s plain ol’ retarded. I’m sick to death of hearing her defensive little, “I’m sorry!” whenever a judge criticizes her. Quit apologizing and grow a central nervous system. Sheesh.

    Chris was good. Boring song, but he did well.

    Katharine has a perfect voice and she’s absolutely gorgeous. Boring as fuck all around. While she’s performing, I always think she’s good. Ten minutes later, I never can remember what she sang.

    Bucky needs to take the acorns out of his mouth so we can understand what he’s saying. He sounds like he’s in the middle of hoarding nuts for the winter.

    Ace or Bucky will be going home.

    Much like last week, I thought everyone sucked.

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