two dolla

• Bags of Poop. Hey, asshole. When you think it’s cute to have your 16-year-old buddy in the backseat pretend he’s a dog and bark at my dog, guess what? Chances are I’m carrying a bag of fresh dog shit. It takes all the willpower I have not to rifle it into your passenger side window as you drive by in your 1986 Ford Tempo. You’re going to be surprised when you see good my aim is.
• Working Late. If it were up to me, I would work about 11am to 7pm. I was at work until 6pm tonight, and the last hour and a half was the most productive I’d been in a long while. I consider it further evidence as to why I should either A) have an office of my own or B) work from home on a regular basis. I’m a rockstar when there’s not a ton of commotion going around all over the place. Easily distracted? Yeah, that’s me.
• Cooking. I think I’m going to make some food this weekend that I can freeze for lunches/dinners. I’m tired of paying other people to make my food, and figure it’d be awesome to have stuff in my ‘fridge besides liquids and cottage cheese. Only thing? I don’t know how to cook, so it’ll have to be some easy stuff. This is where your suggestions come in to play.
• TV. Why does American Idol have to run three minutes into Lost? Now I have to wait and see who gets the boot, because I’m not missing the first three minutes of Lost.

Since sometime Sunday afternoon, I thought I had pulled a muscle. It doesn’t hurt if I’m just sitting or not moving. If I decide I want to, oh, BREATHE, then it decides to feel like someone jabbing a dull garden hoe into my rib cage. In other words, it’s not pleasant.

I talked to my Gym Buddy™ again this morning and he figured it wouldn’t hurt to have it checked out. With only a $15 co-pay, it’s hard to turn that down. I left work early and went into urgent care, since it usually takes two weeks to make an actual appointment with any doctor there.

I explained the symptoms to the LPN that took down my vitals. She tried to convince me I had a cold and it just hurt from coughing. After I gave her the number of reasons why I knew it wasn’t a cold, she finally put me into a room to wait for the doctor. The doctor listened to me take some huge breaths and said she couldn’t heard anything in my lungs, so that would rule out pneumonia. THANKS, GENIUS.

She explained to me the muscles that were around that area. Thanks, I know. Then, she decided that I might have pleurisy, but she wanted me to get some x-rays to rule out a cracked rib. This time, the x-rays came out fine, and let me tell ya - there’s nothing to top off the end of your day then staring at your rib cage and other various organs on a huge computer monitor. I kinda wanted copies of them. This is also the third chest x-ray I’ve had done in a six month time period.
The final diagnosis is either a pulled latissimus dorsi or pleurisy, but she wasn’t sure which. She gave me five days worth of an anti-inflammatory (prednisolone, to be exact), which will allegedly help with either one of the scenarios.

Whatever. I’m missing a softball practice and paintball because of it, not to mention the workouts I could be getting in. Frustrating, indeed.

I didn’t actually blog American Idol live tonight. Why? Because I was getting chest x-rays (again) and apparently so was everyone else in the entire metro area.

During his always-lame intro to the show, Ryan Seacrest asks if anyone can match up to Freddie Mercury. That’s like asking if anyone is going to match up to Stevie Wonder or Elton John. The answer is no, Ryan. Don’t ask stupid questions anymore.

It looks like all of the songs I mentioned earlier today were accurate. That could be bad. Or hopefully good. I’m still sad there’s no Bicycle Song.  Maybe all of my wildest fantasies will come true and Clay Aiken will make a special experience to sing it. A girl can dream.

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Queen is the featured artist on AI tonight. This, of course, coincides with the tour they’re about to start, or maybe have already started.

I don’t know how accurate the rest of the information on this post is, but I figured I’d post it anyway. The contestants and their song choices are listed below. I’ve given my thoughts on each of them, but we’ll see how accurate it is come show time.

Don’t click on “Read rest of this entry” if you don’t want to know some possible show-spoiling information.
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Cardio:

18 minutes on recumbent bike - 4.42 miles/14.73 mph

• done on level 6 keeping 95+ rpm

Weights:

Bench
65lbs - 10x; 75lbs - 8x; 70lbs - 8x, 8x

Bent over rows
65lbs - 10x; 75lbs - 8x, 8x

Military Press (bench)
45lbs - 8x, 8x; 25lbs - 10x, 10x*
Curls (machine)
45lbs - 10x; 35lbs - 8x, 8x, 8x

Pectoral Fly
15lbs - 10x; 25lbs - 8x, 8x

The military presses were done with just bars. It’s a very awkward lift when you’re not doing it with dumbbells. The ones with the 25lbs bar were done behind my head. Yes, I was showing off. Sometimes you have to do that when you’re getting ready for the GUN SHOW.

At some point yesterday afternoon, I pulled the holy hell out of my left latissimus dorsi. That’s the muscle right above your kidney. It hurts really bad today, and I’m completely skipping the gym tonight because of it. I have specific icing instructions from the Gym Buddy™, so we’re hoping I’ll be back in the saddle on the bike tomorrow night, at least for cardio.

Last year, (Charlize) Theron – who won a 2004 Oscar for her role as real-life lesbian serial killer Aileen Wuornos in Monster – told TV’s Extra that she and longtime boyfriend Stuart Townsend would not wed until gay marriage is legal in the U.S. [link]

I, for one, am a huge fan of gay marriage. The arguments against it to make any sense to me, and it just smells like a stinking pile of shit when people try to put it down. With the current administration in the White House, we all know that if one partner doesn’t have a prostate and the other doesn’t have a fallopian tube, there won’t be any nuptials.

Boy + girl = happy, perfect marriage.

Girl + girl or boy + boy = OH MY GOD NO, THEY WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

Shitty, but true.
However, if I were Stuart Townsend, I would start to think that my hot girlfriend didn’t really have any plans on getting married.

Slickdeals.net is my new best friend. Where else could I have found the Rocky Anthology for $8.97? That’s right. There’s going to be a Rocky party at my house in 3-4 weeks.

I’m going to watch every single one of them in preparation for Rocky Balboa, when Rocky comes out of retirement

Oh.my.god. Even Rocky Balboa has a blog!

Guess what? We have extra truffles from a fundraiser that we did Friday evening. Yes, we could eat them, but as hard as I work in the gym, the last thing I want to do is shove dozens of chocolate balls down my mouth. And, yes, I had to stop typing three times while writing that last sentence because I was laughing so hard.

The truffles are really good. It’s dark chocolate ganache dipped in semisweet chocolate, and finished off with the cutest pink ribbon you ever did see. Really. And I even helped make them, if you count stirring chocolate on top of the stove helping.

Anyway, if you want leftover truffles, you can have them for the same price we sold them for around Valentine’s Day - $20/dozen. Send me an email with your address, and I’ll throw some in the mail for you. We can figure out paymention options and that kind of thing.

I love boobs. And it’s a good thing, or all of this fundraising would be for nothing!*

*I kid.

I realize it’s 11:00 and I’m still in my pajamas and my house needs cleaned desperately and I need to play video games really bad, but I’m not in any hurry to get ready for the day. In fact, if I didn’t have plans to go to the gym, go look at a chair for my apartment, and go see the Swarm play, I don’t know that I would get dressed. But trust me - when you have a 10 month old puppy and he lets you sleep in until 10:30, you do it. Because it probably won’t ever EVER happen again.
Ira and I went to Acme Comedy Club last night for the first time ever and laughed our asses off. We mainly wanted to go to see Robert Hawkins, because we’ve watched his Comedy Central special about fourteen times and laughed really hard every time. His opening act was Chad Daniels, and holy shit - that man was hilarious. He did a bit involving old women in mini vans trying to swear and I almost fell out of my chair laughing so hard.

Every Sam Goody in Minneapolis is closing, except for the one at the Mall of America, so that means they’re all having these huge closeout sales. Everything in the store, including the black busts they use to put t-shirts on, were for sell. Had I been thinking, I would have bought one of those. I could have done awesome things with it and it was only $40.

Instead, I did what all people would do. I bought a CD called Platinum Underground. By VANILLA ICE. I haven’t even opened it yet. However, Vanille I-C-E has knucke tattoos that say W I D E O P E N. I think I may have just found my future tat, yo.
Now I have to answer the age old question of - do I shower now and then go to the gym, or wait until after I get all sweaty and then shower? My life is full of these incredible questions.

So, a few of the Team Boobylicious girls and I did a little fundraiser thing tonight, where we stood in the skyways of downtown Minneapolis and begged people to buy truffled and/or pink wristbands. We didn’t really turn a huge profit, but we did make a huge connection.

The building we were in is going to be the home of the Twin Cities’ second location of Hooters. It just so happened that the owners (I think?) of this new restaurant and the other Hooters we have in my neck of the woods stopped by our booth. They’re donating some raffle prizes, with the possibility of even some help in raising money for such an amazing cause like The 3 Day. So very excited.

Hooters + Breast Cancer Awareness = HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG?

Also, thank you so much to Roni for throwing in the winning bid for the latest scarf knitted by The Cuz.

The 3 Day and the work I put into it is always rewarded so heavily by little gestures like this. Sometimes, I think I get more gratification out of it than I should. But in the end, boobies are being helped and that’s what’s important, right?