two dolla

Oh, I totally had a dream this morning.

I was helping my dad and my uncle Pete load up a Uhaul truck full of mattresses. We worked for a while and then decided to take a lunch break. We headed into this small deli-type place, where we ordered turkey sandwiches.

I was soon eating by myself, when I looked up and noticed David Ortiz was in the corner. Clearly we were in Boston.

I finished eating and went to throw my trash away when I noticed Nomar Garciaparra. He was walking towards the door, and because Nomar and I are best friends (at least in my dream), I said in my best Jimmy-Fallon-Bostonian-accent, “See ya around, Nomah”.

Of course, he waved as he walked out the door. And at the same time, I happened to turn around and notice Erika sitting at a table reading a book.  See? I was clearly in Boston. I told her about my recent Nomar encounter, and as we looked out the window at him, he waved and threw up some rock hands. What’d I say?  Nomar and I are tight.

Erika and I went back to chat for a while, and then I woke up when it thundered and I got a text message all at the same time.

My company’s summer picnic, which includes a Saints baseball game, is today. I was super excited about it.  Until then I realized I left the tickets for the game at my desk at work. Now, I’d go get them, but I seem to have misplaced by badge that allows me to get into the door.

I love how I often turn the simplest things ever (like remember to bring home baseball tickets) into the most drama-filled event on the face of this earth.

I always forget to do this!

I pulled out the iPod while at work today. I needed a distraction while I send out massive orders to clients. And of course, the music distracted me by convincing me to do a Friday Shuffle. ADD anyone?

1. Work it - Missy Elliott
2. Lazy Gun - Jet
3. 3 AM - Matchbox 20
4. Ruins - Melissa Etheridge
5. Me and Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin
6. Boy Named Sue - Johnny Cash
7. In the Car - Barenaked Ladies
8. Sold (The Grundy County Auction) - John Michael Montgomery
9. Step by Step - New Kids on the Block
10. Everything About You - Alan Silvestri

Go on. Be jealous of my music collection.

Tonight was Joe Mauer Sideburn Night at the Twins game. The sideburns weren’t enough for me, so I decided to use the patches of fur for other facial decoration.

This has led me to one conclusion. If I were a dude, I would totally have facial hair. I could not top touching it. It may have looked slightly odd. And for that, I should probably apologize to the other 30,000 fans that were there tonight. Except for the girl that had to go to the concession stand eight times. I’m not sorry to her.

The 3 Day is next weekend. Yeah, I know. It’s soon!

Team Boobylicious is a few thousand away from hitting our $30,000 goal, and we have one final fundraiser planned to hit it.

Bowling for Boobs II
Sunday, August 13th
5-8 pm
$10/adults and $5/kids all you can bowl

It’s at Park Tavern in St. Louis Park. Here’s a map, if you need it.

This year’s fundraising efforts have been absolutely phenomenal. Two weeks before last year’s walk, I was scrambling around to get my fundraising minimum of $2200. This year, I’m trying to help my 10-member team raise $30,000. It amazes me beyond words. $30,000 isn’t just a couple of bucks; it’s thousands. Tens of thousands.

If you haven’t already donated and you’d like to, now is your chance. Come to bowling and drop off a check or donate online. There’s no amount too small.

If you’re in the area, please come to bowling. I’d love to see you there. It’ll be a good time. With Team Boobylicious, it’s always a good time. We’re not only passionate about boobs, but we’re entertaining, too. Definitely worth a ten-dollar bill.

See you on Sunday? Here’s a flyer you can download and distribute as you wish.

Thank you to all of you who have been such amazing supporters thus far. Without your support and encouragement, the entire experience wouldn’t be as incredible as it is.

Yeah, I’m not sure why we were so damn cute either. That’s The Cuz in the background and and me in the diaper. And my doll that I still remember. If I didn’t know better, I would say we’re in our grandparents’ station wagon.

In the midst of our aweosme run at securing the American League Wild Card playoff spot, my lovely Twins may have hit a huge bump in the road. Little Francisco Liriano is about to go on the 15 day disabled list. Considering he’s got the lowest ERA of any pitcher in the American League and is tied for 3rd in strikeouts, despite only starting 15 games since he entered the starting rotation in mid-May, it’s gonna hurt us a bit. And by a bit, I mean a lot.

He only played four innings against the Tigers last night, and completely missed his scheduled start before that due to left elbow sorenes. His July 31st MRI showed no structural damage, which is a relief for 22-year-old Liriano, the Twins, and every Twins fan in the world.

The Twins already called up Matt Garza from AAA today to fill the 5th spot in the Twins pitching rotation that has has absolutely no reliability at all this season. Garza could use some time in the bullpen throwing long relief, just like Liriano did to start the season, but at this point in the season, I guess there’s no time for that.

Either Boof “I suck” Bonser or Scott “I suck also” Baker will be called up to replace Liriano in the rotation. Regardless of which one they choose, it’s going to be a scary, scary situation.

With my Gym Buddyâ„¢ now living in Bangor, Maine, I haven’t been to the gym yet this month. In fact, I haven’t been to the gym since July 18th. I’m not a winner right now!

I have nothing motivational to say to myself to go. I’m just going to quit being stupid and go. Besides, how else am I going to A) walk 60 miles in 3 days without dying or B) get there 8 times this month to get $20 off my gym membership, if I don’t start going now?

Now see my dog model:

It’s like glamour shots for dogs. If only he could raise his paw up under his chin.

If there was ever a time when I wanted to give Lindsay Lohan a knuckle sandwich, it’d be right about now. She wants to go to Iraq to entertain the troops.

Even without Sen. Clinton, Lohan is confident she can handle an Iraq trip on her own. “I’m not afraid of going,” she says. “My security guard is going to take me to a gun range when I get back to L.A., and I’m going to start taking shooting lessons. [link]

Her shooting lessons will clearly prevent her from being sniped down and/or exploded by a roadside bomb. When she returns, Lindsay Lohan will put an end to all of the U.S.-involved conflict taking place in Iraq. Then she can be President and everything will be right in all of the world.

Fantasy football time, that is.

Click here to join.
If you were to need it, the league # is 373425 and the password is awesome.

I haven’t decided if a live or automated draft will take place, but we can figure it out once we get more people in the league. There’s a league maximum of 10, so get in while there’s still room.

As always, anybody and everyone is welcome to play regardless of your level of football knowledge. I just ask that you try to participate the entire season so it’s more competitive for everyone else!