04 Aug

101 things in 1001 days update (a weak one)

I feel like I’ve been incredibly busy and I know I’ve been incredibly busy, but none of it has related to this monster list of 101 things that I hoped to accomplish… you know, the one I made back before we were married, when I had a different job and wasn’t expecting a baby in 91 days.

Here’s my ongoing list. I’m up to 32 things done out of 101.

  1. Visit the in-laws in Montana. Done. And it was very, very awesome. We had an incredible time and I’m really looking forward to going back when the baby’s here. Even the drive back through North Dakota wasn’t as terrible and awful as I was expecting. I’m still trying to finish uploading the pictures to Flickr and then I’m printing them out. I know we’re trying to declutter the house, but The Kid noticed the albums I’d printed out of my cruises and I think it’d be cool if he had a couple from the vacations we’ve taken him on.
  2. See 10 live shows. (Macklemore, The Dan Band, Indigo Girls). We’re way behind on this one, which means we need to schedule some stuff! In other words, I’m still plugging away on this one.
  3. Go through my clothes and get rid of anything I haven’t worn in a year. There sure were a lot of fancy lady business clothes in there. But here’s the deal. My last job’s HR department was constantly lecturing me about dressing professionally enough. I wear the same things here and you know what? They don’t care that I don’t wear dresses. And the HR department (which I’m part of!) doesn’t wear see-thru stripper heels like my last HR department, so we’re good here.
  4. Plant a garden. I did and it is glorious! We’ve had three gigantic cucumbers and there are tomatoes and papers that I’m just waiting to turn red. I’m definitely proud of myself with this one and I can thank the rainy July we had for making it happen.
  5. Volunteer with a new organization. Aside from volunteering for work at the Children’s Hospital of Minnesota, the Kid, Suzi, Jenny and I are all signed up to build a house with Habit for Humanity later this month. I can’t wait!
27 Jul

registries and insurance and showers and whatnot

The insurance snafu we’re running into with where Amelia will get to deliver Little Man has put a kink into our EVERYTHING IS SO EASY plan. Seriously? Everything really has been incredibly easy once the little brat decided to show us his heartbeat. I guess we were due for a mishap and my wife’s being a champ about her alternatives, but I’m completely willing to complete insurance fraud (THIS IS A JOKE) in order to be able to keep with our current provider. It’s just likely not going to happen and she’s going to have to have this little nugget somewhere than then place we’ve been having our prenatal appointments up to this point. Amelia may be just conjuring up some type of a plan so she can have him at home under the tree in the backyard now that I think about it.

At this point, this guy is just about done 26 weeks of time in the womb. In fact, we’re now down to the 100 day countdown. I told a co-worker yesterday that just saying “100 days” seems infinitely more real than “28 weeks” or “5 months” or any other type of date. And, yes, Janice, it does seem crazy real right now.

This weekend, we painted his room. It’s a color called seal and it looks really great. At some point, I’ll have a picture or 409 of it, once we get his dressers and curtains up. I just have to do one final look over it tonight to make sure it doesn’t need more touching up. Like I told Amelia, I’m a terrible painter. I’m more about speed than quality, which explains why she did the final coat last night. She’s busy putting together his big dresser/changing table now, so I might have to do the final coat myself tonight.

Jenni and Shawn are scheming together for our baby shower, which is August 23rd. The funny thing about that date is that on August 23 of 2013, we were having our wedding rehearsal dinner in our backyard and getting married the next day. I’d say we’re efficient.

We finally completed our baby shower registries, which was no easy task. We’d started a Babies ‘R Us one about two weeks after we were confirmed pregnant, but were terrible at it. And we’d started a Target registry, but then deleted it when Amelia was boycotting them for letting douchebags carry semi-automatic weapons down the aisles. It was a Friday and Saturday night full of domestic fun.

Target was a cluster. We got there and they were very excited to tell us that they were a new pilot store where you could use iPads to register. And then they were not excited to tell us that none of them were working. They suggested we use the Target app on my phone to register. I had 14% battery left and we managed to register for over 40 things in that 14% of battery life. It resulted in a lot of swearing on my part (because I’m always so insistent on being the barcode shooter!) and lots of talking me off the ledge from my much more even-keeled wife. We ended up adding a few more things online and the Target registry here, without adding anything like gummy bears, which we added to our wedding registry and never got, dammit. And then we both signed up for Target Red Cards, because I have a feeling we’ll be shopping there for baby stuff in the future and why not save 5% extra, right?

And then on Saturday, we went to Babies ‘R Us to register for ALL THE THINGS. Now, mind you, between my amazing mother-in-law and I, and already a couple of friends, this little man has a solid start on clothing. He has his crib and dressers and a co-sleeper and his mama has purchased ALL OF THE CLOTH DIAPERS. When we got there, they told us if we registered for 120 things, we’d get entered into a drawing and by registering for 240 items, we could have TWO ENTRIES. The thing is… that’s a lot of shit. There are only so many pacifiers and washcloths you can register for before you just give up on the potential of getting two entries into a damn drawing. We conquered major battles of a car seat and a stroller. How in the hell is that such a hard decision? The BRU employee was not crazy that we decided to go with a convertible car seat, which obviously was important to us SINCE IT’S HER BABY AND ALL. We did what we could, but only managed to get up to 134 items and I’m pretty sure even that was overkill.

Our final registry has been ongoing, mainly because of the books: Amazon. Duh. We just loved the accessibility of books with Amazon about kids with same-sex parents and families of different color. And also the headphones that he can wear when we take him to Lynx games next summer were a big seller for us, too. They’ll go perfect with this onesie that I’ve already purchased for him:


And then, yes, 99 days. Granted, our friends Missy and Joe had their little boy several weeks earlier than planned. The little man, which will totally be one of our boy’s BFFs, is doing pretty darn good and will be coming home soon. It was just enough to put it in perspective for us that if he wants to come early, he will. I’m okay with any date – just not Halloween – as long as he’s healthy.

13 Jul

it’s 24 weeks into this baby game

If you would ask a medical professional the status of our young fetal son, they would tell you he would be viable outside of the womb. While that’s nice to know, we have no desire to meet this little man until he’s much more than viable. We’d prefer he be, you know, full-term and then some.

The internet tells me the following:

  • He has some stellar lung growth and development going on right now and he’s just about ready to get the right internal things he needs to do the whole oxygen and carbon dioxide exchange that’s pretty important in terms of survival goes.
  • His brain is about to become enormous. This is about the time where his brain is going to grow by 400-500%, which burns about about half of his energy every day.
  • When he’s around long noises, his heart rate is to the point where it increases and he starts moving around a little bit more. That explains why at the Lynx game today, he gets a little on the crazy side when they start playing the Everybody Clap Your Hands song and heavy bass in the car on the way to Montana. If he comes out really loving Nicki Minaj, I’ll take the blame on that one.
  • He’s responding to temperature changes. We noticed that this weekend when Amelia set a cold water bottle on her lab and he moved away from it as fast as his cantaloupe sized body could go.
  • Size-wise, he’s weighing anywhere between 1 1/3 and 1 1/2 pounds and measures just about a foot long. Vegetable comparison of the week: corn.
  • I can feel him kick! Amelia’s been really excited for the point that I can finally feel him and it’s pretty amazing. The first time I felt him was at the Pride parade a couple of weeks ago and then later that night at the Lynx game. Seemed like a pretty appropriate time for me to get assaulted by my tiny son.

A while back, I’d sent my friend Colleen (who should have a blog) this little guy’s name, because if someone is into baby name research, it’s that lady. The biggest advice she gave me was “just don’t tell people his name because people are crappy about it”. (Probably paraphrasing, but you get the point.) And holy shit, was she right. We’ve told some people and they’re all like, “Awwww!”, which they might just be doing because they feel obligated to do. And other people have been like, “Whaaaaaaaat?”, which is fine, too. Everyone can have their own opinion and, later, they can call my son by his name whether they like it or not. If you only knew half of the names I absolutely can’t stand, you probably wouldn’t like me. So, we’re even.

Amelia and I were talking about his name this weekend. We’re 110% sold on his first name, no doubt about it. For me, it’s kind of unreal that I’m responsible for assigning another human being an actual name. My dog (Riley) went nameless for a couple of weeks after I got him and it wasn’t until I was sitting on the toilet at my sales gig I had several years ago when his name just hit me. I felt like I probably owed my son a bit more careful selection than that.

16 weeks to go. In that 16 weeks, I’ll be getting my Associate’s Degree, starting my Bachelor’s Degree, getting Ash started in his senior year of high school and making some final decisions on college, taking a vacation to New York and a tentative trip to Missouri in October for my grandpa’s 90th birthday. We have a baby shower that’s being planned by two of our incredibly awesome friends. I’m registered for a 5K and will be probably doing another one in October. Amelia’s registered for a couple of charity walks between now and then, too. I’ll be volunteering for a couple of times at the Children’s Hospital. There’s a lot going on and I’m pretty glad for that. I’m hoping it’ll make the time fly by.

I’m more than ready to be complaining about a lack of sleeping and cleaning puke off myself, on top of all that nonsense above. I’m just happy to wait until his skin is no longer somewhat transparent.

27 Jun

all the pride in the world

It’s PRIDE weekend here in Minneapolis. And personally, there’s so much in my life that fills me with pride.

I’m so proud of my family.


I have a 17 year old that’s proud of his unique family. Two moms and a dad are normal to him. All families are normal to him. I’m so proud of him for not being ashamed of his family and being proud of who he is. He’s been in a situation before where a male friend of his liked him more than just a friendly liking. This kid didn’t run for the hills or make fun of his friend; he just explained that he didn’t like him that way and that was that. I’m proud that he’s a strong young man who sees diversity as normal.

I have a wife that’s so proud of our family and I’m so proud of her. I’m proud of all the work she does to advocate for female and LGBT rights in so many different capacities. I’m so thankful that she’s sacrificed so much to cook this future baby of ours and rarely miss a beat in everything else she does. I’m proud of her for wanting to raise our little man in a way where he can be whoever it is he wants and I’m proud of how incredible of a job she’s done in raising the 17 year old as a single mom for so long.

I’m proud of our families for accepting who we are and how we love. I’m proud of their support not only for us, but for our children.

I’m proud of my friends for never questioning who I am or the decisions I make about who I love. Even when I didn’t know what on Earth I was thinking sometimes. And I’m also proud of my friends that are opening up their minds to accept gay and lesbian families as ones equal to their own.

I’m proud of where I work and the support they want to give the LGBTQ community in the Twin Cities by participating in the Pride festival this weekend.

I’m proud of my city and my state for recognizing that same sex couples are exactly the same as any other kind of couple.

I’m proud to be part of the LGBTQ community.


24 Jun

is 21 weeks comparable to medium well?

Our little penis-wielding yahoo is just over 21 weeks done cooking. And he’s got some CRAZY stuff going on in his petite little frame!

  • He’s guessed to be around 10 1/2 inches long according to all the charts and online sources, and when we had our super awesome ultrasound last week, they confirmed that. He’s in the 60th percentile right now in his size and anything above a ZERO percentile is alright with me.
  • Depending on where you look, he’s either the size of a carrot or a cantaloupe or a pomegranate, but I don’t think I can honestly say I’ve seen either one of those ever be 10 1/2 inches long.
  • He’s still making poop. I mean, meconium, which is code for FIRST POOP. I will not share pictures of that.
  • Amelia’s been feeling him move quite a bit. He flips around and gets a little ruckus at Lynx games. I haven’t felt him yet that I can be certain of, but I’m pretty sure it’s coming. Amelia said he already wakes up when he hears my voice and starts moving around. I’ve also learned that if I blow a raspberry on her stomach, he wakes up. I’m already that asshole parent.
  • He’s starting to taste things, which is so foreign to me that I can’t quite understand it, but since he has taste buds, that makes sense.
  • We have his first name picked out already. I’m not sure that we’ll share it with anyone, because I don’t want to hear your ridiculous opinions on it. “Your” being the collective group of turds that like to be jerks about those kinds of things.
  • And since we have his first name picked out, you’re darn right I setup his first gmail account.

And here’s his first Instagrammed picture where he’s more than something that resembles a Snoopy character.


In the words of the doctor that looked over the scans: “He has an EXCELLENT spine.” Thank you. We did that on purpose.