this is the supreme distinction model
In: Misc.
29 Oct 2009
Of course it’s only available online. Why would my local Wal-Mart carry A CASKET?
WOULD IT BE RIGHT NEXT TO THE BEDSHEETS AND CURTAIN RODS?
Sam Walton? Super proud dude right now.
snuggies and twilight
In: Misc.
29 Oct 2009
I can’t really explain why hilarious Facebook conversations make me laugh harder than anything else in the world. But it’s true. Inappropriate, but very, very true.
links for 2009-10-29
In: Misc.
29 Oct 2009-
This is my first favorite NBA player of the season. Mainly because he's just listed as NENE in so many places, and that is so not a typical American basketball game. I love him for going by it. Although, I suppose if you're 6'11" and weigh 250 pounds, you can pull off a name like Nene without getting your ass kicked.
copying the streakmaster
In: Sports
28 Oct 2009For the past few months, I’ve been extremely obsessed with ESPN’s Streak for the Cash. I’m not at all great at it. And I think that’s a good thing. If I was awesome at picking the winners of all these different sporting events online without having to put down any cash at all, I’m sure I’d be broke as all get out laying down real bets on this stuff.
Right now, my record is 164-146-10, which is a paltry 52.9% when it comes to accuracy. If you want to see it broken down by sport, I think you should be able to see this link. My highest winning streak has been 12 in a row; my highest losing streak has been seven in a row. Obviously I’m all over the board when it comes to accuracy.
The StreakMaster posts what he’s picking for the day. I was kind of impressed by it and I also realized that if maybe I did that, I wouldn’t be stressing so much about it all day long. I can only look at ESPN so many times during the work day before our IT department realizes it’s not really for networking activities. So, here we go:
Current L1 (that’s a streak of one loss for those of you that don’t know how this works); Current .529 (164-146-10)
United States Win. David Banda is the only person from Malawi (which is the U.S.’s opponent) I know and I’m pretty sure Madonna’s not going to let him play in the Under-17 FIFA World Cup.
Benjamin Becker. I’ve never heard of the other guy. (I told you I wasn’t great at this!)
Ottawa Senators. The Senators haven’t let me down yet this season. I know it’s still early, but they’re looking pretty hot so far.
We’ll see what happens and we’ll see if this becomes some sort of daily thing… I’m not counting on anything here.
tools for stalkers everywhere!
In: Misc.
28 Oct 2009$99 Best Buy gizmo lets parents track their kidsRichfield-based Best Buy is selling under its house brand a tracking device being marketed to parents who want to keep tabs on their kids.The Little Buddy Child Tracker, $99 plus shipping, “fits easily into a backpack, lunchbox or other receptacle … so you can check on his or her location at any time using a smartphone or computer.”
Specifically, the item’s web page says, the device allows parents to establish exact times and locations where their child is supposed to be and then alerting Mom or Dad with a text message if the child leaves the designated area in that time.
Online buyers are finding that the item is on back order, suggesting that Little Buddy’s popularity is outstripping supply.
I’m gonna buy about 2801 of these and strategically place them on other people.
That girl that I always end up next to at a hip hop show at First Ave who insists on bringing her luggage to the show and ramming into my back regularly? I’m gonna put one in her purse and then I’m gonna follow her everywhere and make her feel really, really creepy.
I might attach one to Riley’s collar, so when he’s roaming around in the house all by himself and thinks it’s time to get on top of the kitchen counter for a treat of peanut butter, I’ll know about it.
I might also attach one permanently to The Kid’s ear lobe. That way when we’re gone and he’s supposed to take the dogs out, we can tell when he actually moves off the couch and does his assigned chore. The idea of being able to show him that we know he spent three hours parked in front of Food Network Challenge episodes is very appealing.
Man, this is a horrible idea. I really understand the idea of it. But it’s so damn creepy! “The Little Buddy Child Tracker” just sounds like a device that’s begging to be bought by those almost-Level 3 sex offenders that are just waiting for something easy like this to track little kids ‘locations.
links for 2009-10-28
In: Misc.
28 Oct 2009-
Note to self: this has got to be pretty easy to make!
i can’t wait until this kid gets older
In: Misc.
27 Oct 2009
You know why? Because his friends are going to keep doing shit like this to him and he’s never ever going to learn. And that just means he’s going to continue to post his Facebook status with things like this forever, and I’ll always have something entertaining to read.
After all, isn’t entertaining internet reading about 85% all about other peoples misery? I thought so.
links for 2009-10-27
In: Misc.
27 Oct 2009-
If you ever wanted to by me a t-shirt, this would be one you could buy me. XXL please.
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via Chaely
new dogs available for adoption!
In: Misc.
27 Oct 2009Straight from Mexico, our foster organization has some incredibly adorable puppies that are looking for not only forever homes, but foster homes, too.
Our foster dog, Elsa, is featured in this little slideshow above. She’s the sweetest little puppy ever and just loves eating up all the attention she can get. She’s going to stay relatively small. She’s the daintiest eater I’ve ever seen.
We saw the puppies this weekend and I tried to convince The General to help me shove one in my shirt. (Insert sweater puppy joke here.) They’re little roly poly guys (and girls) that you really just want to love on. It doesn’t sound like they’ll get much bigger than 30 pounds, so chances are they’ll even be perfect to live in an apartment.
If you visit the above link, please take note that I’m in love with Nero, who is apparently the naughty one of the crew, and Adolfo, who is the sweetest guy ever.
canal alto consumo
In: Apartment Life
26 Oct 2009When we moved into this duplex in February, we were immediately worried we’d be the loud neighbors. We’re not small, The Kid walks around like an elephant, and we have two 80 pound dogs. I think we’re a recipe for annoying upstairs neighbors. Add random dogs coming in and out like it’s a halfway house for canines and that just increases the potential for a barking, growling, howling, stampeding disaster.
The only time we hear the downstairs neighbors is when their dog has to go out or they’re watching some type of sporting event. And then the Bald One, who leaves a Bible and a book called “Help me Understand the Bible” on the dash of his Jeep Cherokee, fell in love with perhaps a hyena – one that happens to drive a red car that’s always in my parking spot. She may also be part howler monkey. Or a cat in heat. You get the picture.
The other downstairs roommate, who we can call Pauly Shore thanks to his daily weed smoking habit, can’t stand The Howler Monkey. You can only imagine Pauly’s amount of pleasure when the Bald One announced he’d be marrying The Howler Monkey. Since then, the betrothed couple rarely spend the night here, leaving Pauly to take care of the dog — the dog that belongs to the Bald One.
Recently, The Howler Monkey has been given a key to the downstairs. Since I’m guessing she normally lives in a barn, she can’t seem to enter the house without a grand entrance involving laughing (whether or not she’s by herself or with the Bald One) or smashing her face into all the walls. Or at least that’s what it sounds like.
So I don’t feel too bad taking Spanish lessons via Google translator at this time of night. Especially when I’ve learned how to say the following (out loud, of course):
- street whore
- white dog
- big brown dog
- Mexican street whore dog
- my name is honey bunny
- sweet bunny needs roses
- Cum Slut canal alto consumo (because the English part is way, way dirty)
I’m totally putting bilingual on my resume now.
brief rundown
i've been blogging right here at this domain for 10+ years. i'm 31. partner. dog-owner. volunteer. step-parent. pro-gay marriage. anti-sarah palin. love sports, traveling, photography, and really bad reality tv. i'm also on twitter (@twodolla) and facebook if'n you need even more of me.
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