But the rewards are very well worth it! You and Kate would make great fosters with your armada of cats!

I’ve done time volunteering at rescue shelters. The first time I did it, I lasted two days because the emotional toll was horrible.

The second time, it lasted a few months, but the positive emotions outweighed the negatives. I did still want to stab people when we brought in abused cats, and it broke my heart, but putting some of those special needs guys into permanent homes was the most rewarding thing I’ve done in a long time.

One day I was sitting in traffic about a half hour from home and I noticed a car in the next lane, slightly ahead of me that was an orange Sunfire with a personalized plate that said “IMALEZ” IM A LEZ. Holyshit. There were some other various stickers on it that made it sort of additionally eye-catching but I can’t remember what they said. I prayed that traffic would work out in such a way that I’d get to see who was inside the car.

My prayers were answered when I finally got up next to her, except that when I looked over to see who it was I realized that she’s the security manager for the company I hire for some of the events I produce. Her hair is bright orange and curly – there’s no mistaking her for someone else. Now I’m fricking stuck directly next to her with nowhere to go, I’m laughing hysterically because of the ridiculosity of the car + plate + driver, and now I’m just praying that she’s really focused on the road or something so she won’t look over and see me, seeing her.

It’s not that it wasn’t completely obvious that she was a lesbian before this, it was just so bizarre seeing her with what amounted to a neon sign floating over her car proclaiming her sexuality.

I never knew I could get down so low under my steering wheel, but it really pays to be the size of a housecat sometimes. I don’t think she noticed me in the car that day but our next meeting was very awkward anyway.