My favorite 15 year old in Missouri is a huge Drake fan. Or at least was. I can’t keep track of what kids are into these days. It wasn’t until I heard the song Headlines, that I realized I kind of like this Drake kid, too.

I might be too strung out on compliments, overdosed on confidence
Started not to give a fuck and stopped fearing the consequence
Drinking every night because we drink to my accomplishments
Faded way too long, I’m floatin’ in and out of consciousness
And they saying I’m back, I agree with that
I just take my time with all this shit, I still believe in that
I had someone tell me I fell off, ooh I needed that
And they want to see me pick back up, well, where’d I leave it at?
I know I exaggerated things, now I got it like that
Tuck my napkin in my shirt cause I’m just mobbin’ like that
You know good and well that you don’t want a problem like that
You gonna make someone around me catch a body like that
No, don’t do it, please don’t do it
Cause one of us goes in, and we all go through it
And Drizzy got the money, so Drizzy gonna pay it
Those my brothers, I ain’t even gotta say it
That’s just something they know

Here’s the best part. If you go to this link, you can click on the lyrics and find out what they actually mean. I could keep myself entertained all day on a site called RapGenius.

I even found you this video if you’re so inclined to hear the whole song:

And now I have a penis. Not really. But Dr. Pepper’s weak ass attempt at using macho marketing made me think I might. Does it not?

But here’s the thing, it’s not just Dr. Pepper Ten that’s been geared towards dudes. Exhibit 2:

DUDES GET OFF ON FERGIE. And on tying cherry stems in knots. And probably Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper.

Here’s the kind of commercials they showed in the 60s. And this makes me want to buy Dr. Pepper!

It has something for everyone! Sand castles! Beaches! Campfires! Women AND men eating hot dogs! Trumpets!

At all. And you should watch this video. It makes me happy.

First, I’m making it my goal in life to learn how to do some shufflin’.

It’s like the Cupid Shuffle. But 10x harder.

And by golly, I’ve tried really hard not to expose myself to this song, but it happens during Lynx games when Seimone scores. SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS:

Is it possible to get Lil’ Jon to follow me around everywhere yelling “E’ERBODY!”? And if so, who do I contact to get this done? Jagerbombs. Lemon drops. Jello shots. Kamikaze. It’s like Jonathan Mortimer Smith and I are together as one in our shot-seeking minds.

A long time ago, The General showed me this video:

If you don’t want to watch the video, which is dripping (in a good way) with passion, then you can read the lyrics right here and it will give you an inkling of how beautiful the video is.

Then, I want you to read this article. If you haven’t read this, you should. I love it so much. There will be a quiz on this should The General and I ever have a daughter. I apologize to every adorable little girl that I’ve ever said “Look at you, so pretty!” the very first time I met them. You’re more than just pretty; you’re AWESOME.

This happened Sunday afternoon:

We’re going again tonight with hopes of it happening again. And again. And again. Because nothing says “DON’T BRING THAT SHIT TO MY HOUSE” like swatting a three-point attempt into the crowd and then chest bumping your teammates afterwards.

For three reasons, really.

1) Look at how this dude can park an RV:

2) He’s a fan of the gays:

3) DUDE CAN PLAY SOME MEAN BASKETBALL.

One of my favorite co-workers shared the above video with me earlier this week and it’s made the phrase “suck it” even more popular around the office than it normally is. Especially when it requires standing up to say it.

Charlie Daniels!

(Credit to Dez on Twitter!)

This video blows my mind. And it’s not just because the guy wearing the Superman costume is that creepy.

And I’m the lady in the passenger seat.

But when this happened this morning, there was a different result. It resulted in me getting popped in the eye! I’m over it now and will likely recover from the shock from it. And a big thanks to The General for always looking out for me. Who knows I could have actually flown through the windshield at that stoplight this morning!