twodolla

i enjoy nachos.

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i used to sing karaoke…

That was usually after I’d drank a pitcher of beer (out of the pitcher) and done a few shots (usually ones that were on fire).  My 20s were completely irresponsible and perfectly awesome for that age. My 30s are just as awesome, but in ways more appropriate for public consumption.

Sometimes this singing of the karaoke took place in a pole barn turned bar/nightclub, called Club 66, which was located in illustrious Knob Noster, Missouri, located conveniently between Sedalia and Whiteman Air Force Base. (For reference, Club 66 is now called DO Drop In. I’ve never been.) Other times, it took place in a bar in Marshall, Missouri. I can’t remember the name of it, but I’m pretty sure it was a underground gay bar. Except not very underground, because it was on the town square.

Here are some videos that I’ll call: Songs Wendy Sang When Singing Karaoke With Her Friends That Often Encouraged This Behavior Because They’d Been Drinking, Too.

I was Young MC. I had ladies singing background for me.

Yeah, my name is… a hot mess on the mic.

I tried this once. And I think people left while I was on stage. I would have left, too, had I been sober enough to drive.

I know you were hoping for more, but that’s really all I’ve ever sang in my life. And that’s all I ever plan to sing in my life. The main reason: I’M A HORRIBLE SINGER… hence the rapping instead.

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it’s just basketball

1) I can’t be more ready for the Minnesota Lynx season to start.

2) If I weren’t already engaged, I’d totally be Wendy Berry-Coach Reeves.

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drizzy and i are totally besties

My favorite 15 year old in Missouri is a huge Drake fan. Or at least was. I can’t keep track of what kids are into these days. It wasn’t until I heard the song Headlines, that I realized I kind of like this Drake kid, too.

I might be too strung out on compliments, overdosed on confidence
Started not to give a fuck and stopped fearing the consequence
Drinking every night because we drink to my accomplishments
Faded way too long, I’m floatin’ in and out of consciousness
And they saying I’m back, I agree with that
I just take my time with all this shit, I still believe in that
I had someone tell me I fell off, ooh I needed that
And they want to see me pick back up, well, where’d I leave it at?
I know I exaggerated things, now I got it like that
Tuck my napkin in my shirt cause I’m just mobbin’ like that
You know good and well that you don’t want a problem like that
You gonna make someone around me catch a body like that
No, don’t do it, please don’t do it
Cause one of us goes in, and we all go through it
And Drizzy got the money, so Drizzy gonna pay it
Those my brothers, I ain’t even gotta say it
That’s just something they know

Here’s the best part. If you go to this link, you can click on the lyrics and find out what they actually mean. I could keep myself entertained all day on a site called RapGenius.

I even found you this video if you’re so inclined to hear the whole song:

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i got myself some dr. pepper ten this morning

And now I have a penis. Not really. But Dr. Pepper’s weak ass attempt at using macho marketing made me think I might. Does it not?

But here’s the thing, it’s not just Dr. Pepper Ten that’s been geared towards dudes. Exhibit 2:

DUDES GET OFF ON FERGIE. And on tying cherry stems in knots. And probably Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper.

Here’s the kind of commercials they showed in the 60s. And this makes me want to buy Dr. Pepper!

It has something for everyone! Sand castles! Beaches! Campfires! Women AND men eating hot dogs! Trumpets!

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i don’t apologize for the #loslynx overload

At all. And you should watch this video. It makes me happy.

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lmfao is apparently my favorite lately

First, I’m making it my goal in life to learn how to do some shufflin’.

It’s like the Cupid Shuffle. But 10x harder.

And by golly, I’ve tried really hard not to expose myself to this song, but it happens during Lynx games when Seimone scores. SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS:

Is it possible to get Lil’ Jon to follow me around everywhere yelling “E’ERBODY!”? And if so, who do I contact to get this done? Jagerbombs. Lemon drops. Jello shots. Kamikaze. It’s like Jonathan Mortimer Smith and I are together as one in our shot-seeking minds.

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i don’t want to be pretty at all

A long time ago, The General showed me this video:

If you don’t want to watch the video, which is dripping (in a good way) with passion, then you can read the lyrics right here and it will give you an inkling of how beautiful the video is.

Then, I want you to read this article. If you haven’t read this, you should. I love it so much. There will be a quiz on this should The General and I ever have a daughter. I apologize to every adorable little girl that I’ve ever said “Look at you, so pretty!” the very first time I met them. You’re more than just pretty; you’re AWESOME.

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none of that in here

This happened Sunday afternoon:

We’re going again tonight with hopes of it happening again. And again. And again. Because nothing says “DON’T BRING THAT SHIT TO MY HOUSE” like swatting a three-point attempt into the crowd and then chest bumping your teammates afterwards.

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steve nash: my favorite canadian basketball player

For three reasons, really.

1) Look at how this dude can park an RV:

2) He’s a fan of the gays:

3) DUDE CAN PLAY SOME MEAN BASKETBALL.

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here’s my contribution to the internet for the day

One of my favorite co-workers shared the above video with me earlier this week and it’s made the phrase “suck it” even more popular around the office than it normally is. Especially when it requires standing up to say it.

Charlie Daniels!