two dolla » Twitter

i can’t #tweetyour16yearoldself

Wendy — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 21:06:59 +0000

I can’t Twitter this, because I have way more things to tell my 16 year old self than I can list in 140 characters, like everyone else is on Twitter today. But if I had to tell my 16 year old self a few things, it’d go a little like this:

Be decent to your little brother. Yeah, he’s an annoying little a-hole at 13 years old, but it’s just because he’s 13.
Don’t listen to your guidance counselor. She has plans for you that don’t at all match your plans. Don’t let her trick you into taking classes you don’t need!
You don’t have to feel bad about not wanting to go to dances. Ten years from now, everyone’s going to make fun of the douchey dresses all the girls wear.
Talk your dad into letting you practice driving a little more. That two miles to your grandparents that you’ve driven a billion times is going to cause you to fail your driver’s test. Twice.
Maybe drop Latin II and take Spanish for the next couple of years. Open book tests and watching your teacher smoke outside the door may seem like a good idea, but it will very likely never come up again. You’re only going to remember that agricola means farm, puer means boy, and homo means man.
If you quit pretending you twist your ankle during basketball practice just so you don’t have to run lines anymore, you’ll probably realize that you’re a pretty damn good baller!
You don’t need a boyfriend.
Basketball jerseys will ALWAYS be in fashion. You should wear them all the time.

Oh wait. I already knew that last one.

twitter updates for 2008-06-02

Wendy — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I’m so sleepy all of a sudden… Like fall asleep behind the wheel kind of sleepy. Early bedtime for me tonight! #
@rmcdonou congrats, rose!! #
Um, switching Twitter to protected for a while… Because I’m all secretive and shit, of course! #
It’s a very sad day today. I left my leftover hamburger helper at home. #
1.5 hour meeting with my CEO this morning. I really love talking to her, especially about astrology. She hates hiring Leos! #

twitter updates for 2008-06-01

Wendy — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

On our way to get ya. be there soon #
Best fundraiser ever? Drag show/acoustic set from Sick of Sarah at a dyke bar. #
@best_day_ever did you check IN YOUR BUTT? #
Slamming a vodka red bull and then hiking up and down Grand Ave among hoards of people? Best way to spend a Sunday afternoon. #
I am so close to the stage that I might lick it. I love Doomtree!! #

twitter updates for 2008-05-31

Wendy — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Pretty sure the receptionist at my chiropractor’s office got way too carried away with some lip enhancement injections. #
Brunch outside? Awesome even in Bloomington. #
If someone could tell me why the life size version of Dora the Explorer wears a belly shirt, I would be eternally grateful. #
The Kid and I just got absolutely drenched on the log ride at the mall. I look like I peed myself. #

twitter updates for 2008-05-30

Wendy — Sat, 31 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I am dead tired. And we didn’t even stay up doin it all night. #
Gine Hole just stormed out pissed off and I may have only been partially responsible for it. #
My favorite coworker talks about brunch and Doomtree. I love her a lot. #
@amelia23 Noooooooooo!!!!! #
I kinda love that I have to double check texts just to make sure its going to a specific person and not but of Twitter. #
I wish my work bathroom was like the one at First Ave so the entire warehouse district could see my bare ass right now. #
Gine Hole is a giant crybaby today and I would like to kick her in the neck. Except I have on fancy shoes, so I can’t. #

twitter updates for 2008-05-29

Wendy — Fri, 30 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

My coworker is looking for a midget to wear an Elmo costume for his niece’s birthday. And he is totally serious. #

twitter updates for 2008-05-28

Wendy — Thu, 29 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Riley just had his first ice cream cone and The Kid is incredible. Like knots in my stomach incredible. #
3 nights of tent sleeping and I am pretty sure my lower back just needs to be completely replaced. #
If I only had some fly sunglasses today, I would probably be arrested for being the biggest pimp in all the land. #
The toilets at my work have such strong water pressure that my butt often gets washed if I’m not careful. #
Two seconds away from punching Gine Hole square in the jaw. #

twitter updates for 2008-05-27

Wendy — Wed, 28 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

I am so not ready for real grown up life to start back up tomorrow. Camping, boozing, and making out makes for an awesome weekend. #
Sleeping alone for the first time since Wednesday and it pretty much sucks. Holy crap, I am lame. #
My car smells so horrible and it’s an unidentified smell, which is kinda scary. #
I am meeting The Kid tonight. And holy balls, am I nervous. #
Marky Mark it playing overhead right now. And you are damn right I still know all the words. #
@fontosaurus nope! sorry, dude. #
@rickmcmillin my money is on this one being a boy! #

twitter updates for 2008-05-26

Wendy — Tue, 27 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

Back to civilization. Jury’s still out on whether or not I want to be back! #
I am taking quite possibly the best bath of all time. Campground showers? Not 100% effective! #

twitter updates for 2008-05-23

Wendy — Sat, 24 May 2008 05:59:59 +0000

We just found the best burgers in the world!! #
@suzi109 they were at target and now they are going camping with us! #
“I’m double dipping because I’ve had my tongue in your mouth.” I have the best lines ever. #
@borninazoo it’s even better when they don’t even bat an eye when you say it. #
I will probably die of anticipation and/or excitement before the day ends. Yay for hong camping weekends! #
@fontosaurus yes. exactly. #
Some girl is talking to me while I am peeing at work. I have boundary issues with this! #
I love conducting phone interviews SO much. #