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i can’t #tweetyour16yearoldself

November 4th, 2010 | Comments Off | Posted in Me, Twitter

I can’t Twitter this, because I have way more things to tell my 16 year old self than I can list in 140 characters, like everyone else is on Twitter today. But if I had to tell my 16 year old self a few things, it’d go a little like this:

  • Be decent to your little brother. Yeah, he’s an annoying little a-hole at 13 years old, but it’s just because he’s 13.
  • Don’t listen to your guidance counselor. She has plans for you that don’t at all match your plans. Don’t let her trick you into taking classes you don’t need!
  • You don’t have to feel bad about not wanting to go to dances. Ten years from now, everyone’s going to make fun of the douchey dresses all the girls wear.
  • Talk your dad into letting you practice driving a little more. That two miles to your grandparents that you’ve driven a billion times is going to cause you to fail your driver’s test. Twice.
  • Maybe drop Latin II and take Spanish for the next couple of years. Open book tests and watching your teacher smoke outside the door may seem like a good idea, but it will very likely never come up again. You’re only going to remember that agricola means farm, puer means boy, and homo means man.
  • If you quit pretending you twist your ankle during basketball practice just so you don’t have to run lines anymore, you’ll probably realize that you’re a pretty damn good baller!
  • You don’t need a boyfriend.
  • Basketball jerseys will ALWAYS be in fashion. You should wear them all the time.

Oh wait. I already knew that last one.

twitter updates for 2008-06-02

June 2nd, 2008 | Comments Off | Posted in Twitter
  • I’m so sleepy all of a sudden… Like fall asleep behind the wheel kind of sleepy. Early bedtime for me tonight! #
  • @rmcdonou congrats, rose!! #
  • Um, switching Twitter to protected for a while… Because I’m all secretive and shit, of course! #
  • It’s a very sad day today. I left my leftover hamburger helper at home. #
  • 1.5 hour meeting with my CEO this morning. I really love talking to her, especially about astrology. She hates hiring Leos! #

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twitter updates for 2008-06-01

June 1st, 2008 | Comments Off | Posted in Twitter
  • On our way to get ya. be there soon #
  • Best fundraiser ever? Drag show/acoustic set from Sick of Sarah at a dyke bar. #
  • @best_day_ever did you check IN YOUR BUTT? #
  • Slamming a vodka red bull and then hiking up and down Grand Ave among hoards of people? Best way to spend a Sunday afternoon. #
  • I am so close to the stage that I might lick it. I love Doomtree!! #

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twitter updates for 2008-05-31

May 31st, 2008 | Comments Off | Posted in Twitter
  • Pretty sure the receptionist at my chiropractor’s office got way too carried away with some lip enhancement injections. #
  • Brunch outside? Awesome even in Bloomington. #
  • If someone could tell me why the life size version of Dora the Explorer wears a belly shirt, I would be eternally grateful. #
  • The Kid and I just got absolutely drenched on the log ride at the mall. I look like I peed myself. #

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twitter updates for 2008-05-30

May 30th, 2008 | Comments Off | Posted in Twitter
  • I am dead tired. And we didn’t even stay up doin it all night. #
  • Gine Hole just stormed out pissed off and I may have only been partially responsible for it. #
  • My favorite coworker talks about brunch and Doomtree. I love her a lot. #
  • @amelia23 Noooooooooo!!!!! #
  • I kinda love that I have to double check texts just to make sure its going to a specific person and not but of Twitter. #
  • I wish my work bathroom was like the one at First Ave so the entire warehouse district could see my bare ass right now. #
  • Gine Hole is a giant crybaby today and I would like to kick her in the neck. Except I have on fancy shoes, so I can’t. #

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twitter updates for 2008-05-29

May 29th, 2008 | 1 Comment | Posted in Twitter
  • My coworker is looking for a midget to wear an Elmo costume for his niece’s birthday. And he is totally serious. #

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twitter updates for 2008-05-28

May 28th, 2008 | Comments Off | Posted in Twitter
  • Riley just had his first ice cream cone and The Kid is incredible. Like knots in my stomach incredible. #
  • 3 nights of tent sleeping and I am pretty sure my lower back just needs to be completely replaced. #
  • If I only had some fly sunglasses today, I would probably be arrested for being the biggest pimp in all the land. #
  • The toilets at my work have such strong water pressure that my butt often gets washed if I’m not careful. #
  • Two seconds away from punching Gine Hole square in the jaw. #

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twitter updates for 2008-05-27

May 27th, 2008 | Comments Off | Posted in Twitter
  • I am so not ready for real grown up life to start back up tomorrow. Camping, boozing, and making out makes for an awesome weekend. #
  • Sleeping alone for the first time since Wednesday and it pretty much sucks. Holy crap, I am lame. #
  • My car smells so horrible and it’s an unidentified smell, which is kinda scary. #
  • I am meeting The Kid tonight. And holy balls, am I nervous. #
  • Marky Mark it playing overhead right now. And you are damn right I still know all the words. #
  • @fontosaurus nope! sorry, dude. #
  • @rickmcmillin my money is on this one being a boy! #

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twitter updates for 2008-05-26

May 26th, 2008 | Comments Off | Posted in Twitter
  • Back to civilization. Jury’s still out on whether or not I want to be back! #
  • I am taking quite possibly the best bath of all time. Campground showers? Not 100% effective! #

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twitter updates for 2008-05-23

May 23rd, 2008 | Comments Off | Posted in Twitter
  • We just found the best burgers in the world!! #
  • @suzi109 they were at target and now they are going camping with us! #
  • “I’m double dipping because I’ve had my tongue in your mouth.” I have the best lines ever. #
  • @borninazoo it’s even better when they don’t even bat an eye when you say it. #
  • I will probably die of anticipation and/or excitement before the day ends. Yay for hong camping weekends! #
  • @fontosaurus yes. exactly. #
  • Some girl is talking to me while I am peeing at work. I have boundary issues with this! #
  • I love conducting phone interviews SO much. #

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