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I’m in love with the person that made this video:
And yes, I did watch all seven minutes.
And I love Jim Carrey for this:
Yep, you guessed it. The General™ is off drinking wine at “choir practice” and I’m watching the nine episodes of CSI: Miami I have saved up on the Tivo. And possibly reading all of the character descriptions Wikipedia has to provide.
I’m the kind of person that doesn’t answer my cell phone unless I know who’s calling me. If I’m anywhere near a computer, I automatically type in whatever number is scrolling across my phone display in some type of search to find out who’s on the other end. Granted, I usually don’t have a lot of success when it comes to individual cell phone number, but it was kind of handy yesterday afternoon. A number came across and I plugged it in to my favorite reverse phone search tool. Turns out it was Comcast, so I answered, because I knew I’d just paid my bill in full that morning.
Comcast Lady: “May I speak to Wendy?”
Wendy: “This is.”
Comcast Lady: “This is Lady calling from Comcast.”
Wendy: “Yes?”
Comcast Lady: “I was just calling about your bill. (Short pause.) The one you paid in full this morning?”
Wendy: “Yes?”
Comcast Lady: “I just wanted to call (even longer pause) and thank you for paying it?”
Wendy: “Yes?”
Comcast Lady: “Okay. Have a good day.” (Honest to goodness real conversation, yo.)
If it weren’t for the internet, I totally wouldn’t have answered the phone. And had I not answered the phone, our cable totally would have gotten turned off! And then? I couldn’t have watched “From Gs to Gents” this morning and sang along to the theme song. It’s possible I was still intoxicated.
The thing about working? I get way behind on my TV programs and my internet reading.
Between last night and this morning, I got caught up on the following shows:
What do we learn from this? That I should probably slow down on the amount of TV I’m watching.
I completely forgot that I wanted to write about American Idol the nights it was on. Or maybe I completely forgot about it, because there’s not a single girl contestant left that I like. At all. And the last two weeks full of Beatles songs? Not impressed at all. But, because my list of shit to write about is getting entirely too long, I thought I’d start here – my thoughts on tonight’s performances. It’s the top ten, which means everyone on tonight’s episode gets to perform in the tour, the one that I’ve never really had any interest at all in seeing.
I hate the new stage layout, and I especially hate it when the crowd’s standing their waving their arms back and forth like they’re trying to flag down an airplane. I hate the one gigantic iPod/Ford ad that the entire show has turned into. And I would gladly give any of the judges my life savings (which isn’t much right now) to put a can of Pepsi on that damn table in front of them, even if it’s for five seconds. I do love two things: Ricky Minor and Train Wrecks, so I keep watching it.
The theme for tonight, which I read on TMZ earlier today, is songs from the years in which the contestants are born. There are an assload of songs in every single year, so it should be interesting to see how many of them pick the absolute worst song from that particular year. My guess? At least seven out of ten, especially given these kids are all at least a whopping two years younger than me. It’s too bad I’m not in it this year, because I could pick from songs from the Bee Gees ("Night Fever" or "How Deep Is Your Love") or Barry Manilow ("Copacabana or "Can’t Smile Without You" … both of which I know word for word), or some of my all time favorite songs (no lie): "You’re the One That I Want" (or anything else from the Grease soundtrack!), "Sometimes When We Touch", or even "Take a Chance on Me" by ABBA. 1978? Clearly a fantastic year for number one hits!
Whoever had the idea to give Steve Wilkos his own show is either the biggest idiot on the face of this Earth or quite possibly the biggest genius, and I haven’t figured out which it was. If you haven’t ever seen the show, I’ll give you a run down of what I see every night if I don’t go to bed before 3 a.m.
Overly Trashy Guest: My baby’s daddy loves me.
Steve: NO HE DOESN’T!! GRRR!!!
OTG: But he tells me he loves me when he’s beating me with a lead pipe.
Steve: WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU ARE YOU STUPID GRRRR
OTG: I can’t help it. We have 5640 kids together.
Steve: HE’S TOUCHING ALL OF THEM IN THE SWIMSUIT AREA.
OTG: No, he’s not. He only did that to our first kid. Not the rest.
Steve: YOU’RE WORTHLESS AND SHOULDN’T BE A PARENT. GRRRRR. HULKSMASH.
OTG: God, you’re right. I suck.
(Break for a commercial and return to the show with 2 minutes left.)
Steve: It’s okay. Things will be okay.
OTG: WAAAAAH.
And then the show ends.
I was resting today. And by resting, I mean curled up in my bed with my puppy right next to me, both ofus on the verge of nearly falling asleep. My TV was on the animal channel, because it’s Riley’s favorite… and because there’s nothing else on at 4pm that I want to subject myself to watching.
It may have been The Jeff Corwin Experience that was on, but Fatso the Dog and I were bouncing in and out of consciousness, so I don’t remember anything that was going on. I only remember waking up to hear this:
"It smells like milk."
Pause.
"Is that her teet?"
And that’s when I learned black bears smell like dried milk.
I don’t like being woken up by the word teet.
As embarrassing as it might be to admit this, I’m kind of a fan of Beauty and the Geek. And by kind of a fan, I mean I love it a lot.
Last night it was revealed that America gets to vote on the winner of this season, which is kind of good. If it would have been up to the previous contestants that sucked ass and aren’t in the mansion anymore, there’s no way that Sam & Nicole would have a chance. Not that I want them to win, I don’t think, but I just want it to be fair, dammit.
Except, I couldn’t, because my state wasn’t listed.
How can you include New Hampshire and not Minnesota? I mean, it’s bigger for crap’s sake.
It’s there today, but I don’t want to vote anymore. I feel too neglected.
I just watched my first college football game of the year. It was a match up between the Missouri Tigers and the Kansas Jayhawks, so as a former Missouri resident and former (and I guess current) University of Missouri fan, it was not only an idea, but an obligation. And a big fat GO TIGERS is needed.
My BFF from all the way back to 1st grade texted me today, and we ended up taking a little road trip to Columbia for some shopping. It was a very fantastic and very relaxing way to spend the afternoon. Hanging out with her three-year-old son was great, too, because he’s one of the kids that happened to be born after I moved and haven’t really gotten to spend a lot of time around. He named two of his action figures Din Din and Wiener. What’s not to love about that?
I’ll be more than ready for the WGA to finish striking. Tonight’s SNL was a Thanksgiving clip show. While I appreciate a few classic skits from time to time, it may get old soon if this show is any indicator.
Oh, and you know what I love more than anything in the world about Thanksgiving? Pies. We polished off some sort of chocolate pie a few days ago, and I just noticed a peanut butter pie a couple of hours ago, which means pie for breakfast. And that’s always a win.
Using Jodi’s logic, and a fair logic it is, I haven’t went to bed yet, so this still counts as posting on the 13th. And yes, I’m backdating it just like she did, dammit.
Here’s the thing. I couldn’t go to bed before watching the equivalent of a freight train loaded with little puppies smashing head on with an AmTrak full of adorable preschoolers, A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila. For those of you that don’t have this programmed into your Tivo or watch it online in its entirety, you clearly have better things to do with your time. And I’ll explain it to you.
Tila (you should read her bio) is apparently some Internet phenom that has eleventy billion MySpace friends and was an online Playboy model. At least that’s what I hear. Up until the airing of aforementioned show, nobody knew this little secret about her, except for the producers at MTV. What secret was that? I’m glad you asked. Tila, in her words, is "a bisexual". The folks at MTV gathered up 16 very straight guys and 16 lesbians, each of them having no clue that they’d be competing against one another. Once they’re introduced, they’re led into a mansion and told they all get to share one bed. I’ll let you process this.
….
There’s 10 episodes. Number 6, appropriately called "The Cat Fight" aired tonight. I usually feel like showering after the show, and tonight, I may need to do so twice.
While I would love to tell you all about each episode, I honestly don’t feel like I could do it justice.
Tonight’s challenge, tonight, involved eating "weird foods" because Tila is a "world traveler" and doesn’t always get to choose what she wants to eat. They had to eat a bull wang and it’s testicles. The very, very, very straight guys all had comments about putting penis in their mouth; the lesbians all had comments about putting penis in their mouth. And of course a dude’s going to win a challenge like that. His reward? A champagne bath with Tila in a very large champagne glass, filled with champagne. NO, SERIOUSLY.
Afterwards, they each had to make her a dessert. The guy from Italy made something involving peanut butter and chocolate, and then sprinkled Cream of Tartar on the top, because he thought it was something like powedered sugar, I’m guessing.
It’s high class entertainment, and holy God, if you’re not watching it, just do it now. It’ll change your life forever. (That last statement may have been a lie.)
