my name is bill laimbeer and i’m kind of a jerk

I was going to write a wedding post today, but then something else came up.

Amelia, Jenni, Matt and I went to the Lynx game last night. Amelia and I hadn’t been for a couple of weeks and Matt and Jenni were going for their first time. Groupon was our friend and I grabbed tickets for the four of us a while back. Seats were decent enough, game was awesome (if you’re a Lynx fan) and I got a megaphone! All in all, it was a pretty great game.

The Lynx handed the New York Liberty a 31 point loss. I figured it would be a blowout no matter who they were playing, because the Lynx were riding a three game losing streak and they were starting to get mad. It could have been the Miami Heat coming into Target Center last night and they would have probably gotten blown out of the water. The Liberty just happened to be a subpar team that got their ass handed to them.

I was reminded last night that Bill Laimbeer was the head coach of the Liberty. Fun Fact: Laimbeer coached the Detroit Shock for a few years before resigning so he could pursue a head coaching job in the NBA. Didn’t happen and assistant coach was the best he could do. He came back to the WNBA this year to coach the Liberty and did the best he could to pull over all of his old Shock players on the team, to perhaps think he was going to win another championship like he did back in the day.

And then Laimbeer spouts off after the game with this:

“I was a little disappointed when they left Maya Moore in the game to try and get player of the week again when the game was out of control. She should get hurt for that.”

Here’s the deal – Maya scored the first couple of baskets of the game and she was shooting lights out from behind the three-point line. She scored 28 points and, yes, played more than the rest of the starting five. But when you’re shallow on guards that can handle the ball and score, your first person off the bench is injured and you’ve got two forwards still nursing injuries, you might have to play your star a little extra.

Bill Laimbeer’s been an unnecessarily brutish crybaby since his days in the 80s. I don’t expect him to change now, but wish injury on any player is the most unprofessional, uncouth thing you can do as a head coach. His comments are completely uncalled for even if he was just upset because of a loss. His team is in next to last place in the Eastern Conference. Acting like a jerk isn’t going to improve that record. Maybe shutting up and actually coaching would.

tumblr_m6xkwgevd01qi2b5no1_400
Bill Laimbeer ’bout to box with Will Perdue.

 

 

brittney griner is a star and nothing else about her matters

All of this Brittney Griner hype is awesome. Griner can ball and she can ball hard. She didn’t fare so well in the NCAA tournament, but that’s probably because there were THREE people guarding her the entire time. Michael Jordan couldn’t even deal with that in the NBA, so he had people like Scottie Pippen, BJ Armstrong, Dennis Rodman, Toni Kukoc – international all-stars, you know? Odyssey Sims isn’t someone I’d want to play a game of one-on-one against, but you can’t expect a point guard to win a game. Ever.

Back before I even dribbled a basketball, Ann Meyers was at the top of the women’s basketball game. She couldn’t dunk. And she didn’t get suspended her freshman year of college for punching someone in the face (video!), but she could still play some ball. Im sure that there will be a lot of online sports betting sites that will be happy for his return. She actually signed a contract to play in the NBA. It wasn’t a flashy one and Mark Cuban wasn’t having diarrhea of the mouth when it happened, but it still happened. And it was really big deal. It still is!

But in 1980, nobody questioned whether or not Ann Meyers was a man. If you type Ann Meyers’ name into Google, the first thing it suggests isn’t “Ann Meyers man”.

Griner is 6’8” and has a wingspan of 88 inches – that’s 7 feet and 3 inches. She can dunk the ball and she can block anything, since she has a reach of 9’2”. And by God, social media and everyone that knows everything, she must be a dude. There’s no way a female could be naturally gifted in any realm of sports. It’s hogwash. And if she’s really a female, then she’s TOTALLY a lesbian, because there’s definitely no way a straight female would have a deep voice and be taller than most men.

C’mon.

Nobody says Mike Tyson is a lady because he has a higher-pitched voice. You wouldn’t dream of calling him a sissy to his face, because he’d break your nose. The Williams’ sisters are mannish when they’re playing tennis, probably because they dominate so hard. But when they’re not on the court and complete with professional hair and makeup, they suddenly become completely different people in the eyes of some people – like the subject of a wet dream. Megan Rapinoe of the US Soccer Team and an Olympic Gold Medalist came out as a lesbian in 2012, but it was all good because she’s blonde and curvy and only 5’7”, which is probably the societal norm for the height of a woman, right?

An Associate Professor at Washington State University – Pullman put together a hell of a piece on this obsession with female athletes embodying visceral fantasies of sex objects that just happen to be athletically inclined. Mechelle Voepel interviewed Griner about all this nonsense and the last line of her article, which happens to be a quote from one of Griner’s teammates, just lays it all out there:

“She loves being who she is. She’s just a big kid. She loves candy. She loves bacon. She loves sweets and soda. This is who she is. I honestly think she loves being in her own skin, and we need more people like that.”

So, a-holes, what do you think? Can you just go with that? This kid’s a champion, no matter what you think.

Brittney-Griner-sfSpan

 

suggestions for the university of north dakota

Back story: Last year, the majority of North Dakota voted to have the University of North Dakota to stop using the Fighting Sioux as their mascot. There are a ton of court cases fighting all of the other racist and inappropriate professional and collegiate team names, too. Obviously the 99% of the North Dakota fans that are douches are all up in arms about it and refuse to let it go. It’s hard with cheers like “Let’s go, Sioux” and “Go, Sioux”… because, you know, those cheers are so darn hard to remember if you change one word out of it.

In any case, I’ve spent some time in North Dakota. Not a lot, but enough (four days and three nights) to where I would like to suggest some options for UND (not to be confused with Notre Dame, because c’mon…) to use as mascot ideas, based on my observations:

  • Rough Riders
  • Long Patches of Highway
  • Buttes
  • Buffalo
  • Country Kitchens
  • Space Aliens
  • Racists*
  • Turds
  • Metal Cover Bands
  • Portapotties
  • Cowboys
  • Rodeos
  • Large Belt Buckles
  • Dead Racoons
  • Dead Possums
  • O’Possums
  • 18-Wheelers
  • Seedy Roadside Motels

Should the University of North Dakota decide to use any of the above suggestions, I’ll only ask for a nominal fee.

*I’m generalizing and stereotyping. I know not everyone is a jerky racist.