introducing Ozzy to the Harlem Globetrotters

Ozzy has been going to basketball games since he was seven months old. We always said we weren’t going to push any sports in him, but the Minnesota Lynx don’t count in that little rule of ours. As it turns out, he’s crazy about basketball, or GO GO as he calls it. Like legit crazy. He practices at home every night and plays with our awesome daycare provider’s 12 year old son anytime he gets a chance. With all that, we were pretty excited to take him to the Harlem Globetrotters game last weekend. 

He wasn’t so sure at first. 

There were the standard Globetrotters antics that are possibly the same ones they’ve been using for years, but still just as entertaining. That kind of thing was lost on this little 2.5 year old. But then the action started right after I got back from the souvenir stand. He doesn’t mess around once the ball is in play. 

He was most impressed with all the slam dunks. Who wouldn’t be? I have a feeling we might need to buy a backup hoop for when he slams the one we have into the ground that final time. I can’t wait to take him again when he’s older. 

For now, a couple of hours of basketball hijinx that happens right over naptime is pretty exhausting. 

a 16 year old and his basketball bracket

I finished two classes worth of homework tonight and mentioned to the family that I was going to finish my brackets and go to bed. The 16 year old perks up with, “Oooh, I need to do one so I can win the Quicken Loans’ Billion Dollar Bracket Challenge at BetVictor
!” Yes, we know, he probably watches too much TV. Whatever take a look on beyond diet reviews and see for yourself.

So, he’s sitting on the love seat with a bracket and an orange highlighter, working some magic based on the following questions he’s asked me and comments he’s made:

  • Where’s Albany? (Geography isn’t a focus in high school anymore and you can thank No Child Left Behind for that bullshit.)
  • I want Harvard to win something.
  • Yes, Memphis!
  • Oooooh. I couldn’t decide between Creighton and LA-Lafayette.
  • American, even though they suck. I really wish it was National American University.
  • They have zero losses. I’ll pick that team.
  • Him: “Mom, left or right?” His mom: “Right.”
  • I hate Michigan. Secretly. (Explaining why he picked Wofford.)

He’s got some good upsets in there, although I think he might be up all night just getting past the first round. Or he may lose interest.

But just for posterity’s sake, here’s a picture of him with Maya Moore. You know, to prove his sportiness!

Pretty sure I was more excited than he was.

Pretty sure I was more excited than he was.

what i learned from the 2014 super bowl

  1. Kurt Russell is no longer dreamy to me and I hope they don’t consider doing Overboard 2.
  2. I will now forever associate Chevy trucks with crazy cow sex.
  3. Golden Tate’s name sounds like Golden Taint, according to my wife. I’d have to agree.
  4. My wife gets live eagles and seahawks mixed up.
  5. If you try to search for “men’s gloves” on Etsy, you get a bunch of mittens. Really, dudes?
  6. David Beckham? Still got it.
  7. Super Bowl snacks when you’re not eating carbs involve pickles and cheese and that’s about it.
  8. Bruno Mars is kinda boring.
  9. None of those damn half time chatting guys had ever seen Bruno Mars in their entire lives and it was hilarious.

And, finally, I learned that you can watch an entire football game, know that one team just got it’s ass handed to them, and still not really remember what the score was or have an single ounce of emotion about the outcome.

Man, it’s like I was reading about World Religions the entire time the game was on and didn’t even remember seeing much except for sad, sad Eli Manning watching the game from his home field’s suite while his brother got to play.

Is it WNBA time yet?


my name is bill laimbeer and i’m kind of a jerk

I was going to write a wedding post today, but then something else came up.

Amelia, Jenni, Matt and I went to the Lynx game last night. Amelia and I hadn’t been for a couple of weeks and Matt and Jenni were going for their first time. Groupon was our friend and I grabbed tickets for the four of us a while back. Seats were decent enough, game was awesome (if you’re a Lynx fan) and I got a megaphone! All in all, it was a pretty great game.

The Lynx handed the New York Liberty a 31 point loss. I figured it would be a blowout no matter who they were playing, because the Lynx were riding a three game losing streak and they were starting to get mad. It could have been the Miami Heat coming into Target Center last night and they would have probably gotten blown out of the water. The Liberty just happened to be a subpar team that got their ass handed to them.

I was reminded last night that Bill Laimbeer was the head coach of the Liberty. Fun Fact: Laimbeer coached the Detroit Shock for a few years before resigning so he could pursue a head coaching job in the NBA. Didn’t happen and assistant coach was the best he could do. He came back to the WNBA this year to coach the Liberty and did the best he could to pull over all of his old Shock players on the team, to perhaps think he was going to win another championship like he did back in the day.

And then Laimbeer spouts off after the game with this:

“I was a little disappointed when they left Maya Moore in the game to try and get player of the week again when the game was out of control. She should get hurt for that.”

Here’s the deal – Maya scored the first couple of baskets of the game and she was shooting lights out from behind the three-point line. She scored 28 points and, yes, played more than the rest of the starting five. But when you’re shallow on guards that can handle the ball and score, your first person off the bench is injured and you’ve got two forwards still nursing injuries, you might have to play your star a little extra.

Bill Laimbeer’s been an unnecessarily brutish crybaby since his days in the 80s. I don’t expect him to change now, but wish injury on any player is the most unprofessional, uncouth thing you can do as a head coach. His comments are completely uncalled for even if he was just upset because of a loss. His team is in next to last place in the Eastern Conference. Acting like a jerk isn’t going to improve that record. Maybe shutting up and actually coaching would.


Bill Laimbeer ’bout to box with Will Perdue.



brittney griner is a star and nothing else about her matters

All of this Brittney Griner hype is awesome. Griner can ball and she can ball hard. She didn’t fare so well in the NCAA tournament, but that’s probably because there were THREE people guarding her the entire time. Michael Jordan couldn’t even deal with that in the NBA, so he had people like Scottie Pippen, BJ Armstrong, Dennis Rodman, Toni Kukoc – international all-stars, you know? Odyssey Sims isn’t someone I’d want to play a game of one-on-one against, but you can’t expect a point guard to win a game. Ever.

Back before I even dribbled a basketball, Ann Meyers was at the top of the women’s basketball game. She couldn’t dunk. And she didn’t get suspended her freshman year of college for punching someone in the face (video!), but she could still play some ball. Im sure that there will be a lot of online sports betting sites that will be happy for his return. She actually signed a contract to play in the NBA. It wasn’t a flashy one and Mark Cuban wasn’t having diarrhea of the mouth when it happened, but it still happened. And it was really big deal. It still is!

But in 1980, nobody questioned whether or not Ann Meyers was a man. If you type Ann Meyers’ name into Google, the first thing it suggests isn’t “Ann Meyers man”.

Griner is 6’8” and has a wingspan of 88 inches – that’s 7 feet and 3 inches. She can dunk the ball and she can block anything, since she has a reach of 9’2”. And by God, social media and everyone that knows everything, she must be a dude. There’s no way a female could be naturally gifted in any realm of sports. It’s hogwash. And if she’s really a female, then she’s TOTALLY a lesbian, because there’s definitely no way a straight female would have a deep voice and be taller than most men.


Nobody says Mike Tyson is a lady because he has a higher-pitched voice. You wouldn’t dream of calling him a sissy to his face, because he’d break your nose. The Williams’ sisters are mannish when they’re playing tennis, probably because they dominate so hard. But when they’re not on the court and complete with professional hair and makeup, they suddenly become completely different people in the eyes of some people – like the subject of a wet dream. Megan Rapinoe of the US Soccer Team and an Olympic Gold Medalist came out as a lesbian in 2012, but it was all good because she’s blonde and curvy and only 5’7”, which is probably the societal norm for the height of a woman, right?

An Associate Professor at Washington State University – Pullman put together a hell of a piece on this obsession with female athletes embodying visceral fantasies of sex objects that just happen to be athletically inclined. Mechelle Voepel interviewed Griner about all this nonsense and the last line of her article, which happens to be a quote from one of Griner’s teammates, just lays it all out there:

“She loves being who she is. She’s just a big kid. She loves candy. She loves bacon. She loves sweets and soda. This is who she is. I honestly think she loves being in her own skin, and we need more people like that.”

So, a-holes, what do you think? Can you just go with that? This kid’s a champion, no matter what you think.