two dolla

honky wanted a fistful of my balls

• Between last night and this morning, I upgraded to WordPress 2.7 and also designed to change things up with a different theme, especially since Design Disease had a new one out.  The only thing that seems to have gone wrong with the new WP installation is not being able to toggle back and forth between the Visual view and HTML view when writing a post. That kinda irritates me, but until I figure out a fix, I’m gonna try out a plugin called Dean’s FCKEditor and see how that goes. If my memory serves me correctly, I’ve tried this plugin out before and kind of hated it. Knowing WordPress, I’ll have to updated to 2.7.1 in about a week anyway…
• We made another trip to my storage unit in the western suburbs to clean that damn thing out. This was the second car load of shit that we’ve brought back in hopes of eventually emptying it out and not having to pay $51/month for someone else to store shit I don’t need.
• We went to go see Role Models last night. Since we saw it at the Riverview, we spent less than $15 for two movie tickets, a large popcorn, a large pop, and some Milk Duds. I figure the Riverview is the best place to take The General to see movies, because for that much money you can at least sit and enjoy the best popcorn in all of Minneapolis. Role Models was wrong in so many ways that it just had to be right. I laughed so hard that I had to come home and see what some of the lines were that I missed. Example: "Me and the judge have a special relationship… I don’t wanna get too graphic but I sucked his dick for drugs." That’s good humor, right there.

watch me make this pencil disappear

The General and I went to go see The Dark Knight tonight. I wanted to see it last weekend, but I also didn’t want to end up punching myself in the face repeatedly by trying to fight crowds like that. Another advantage of working downtown is the most awesome convenience of being able to walk a few blocks to the theater after work and not have to deal with parking!

The movie? Fantastic. So fantastic. Heath Ledger, just like every site on the internet has said already, was amazing. After his first scene, I leaned over to The General and was pretty much speechless; all I could mumble out was “Holy crap. He’s amazing.” or something equally as lame. There wasn’t a single part about the movie I didn’t like. While I’d heard from several people that it was about 30 minutes too long, I didn’t think so at all. Most 2.5 hour movies tend to make me restless, but the only squirming around I did was when I couldn’t wait to see what was next or when the asshole thug that smelled like cheap booze had to walk in front of us at least a half dozen times.

Sadly, my scene got cut.

Jenni took this picture of me last July when they were filming The Dark Knight while we were in Chicago. Matt, Jenni, Bill, and I were wondering around downtown Chicago and noticed production vans all over the place with signs talking about RFK/Rory’s First Kiss. A production assistant kicked us off the set and told us we should google Rory’s First Kiss since none of us knew what it was, but what that douchebag production assistant didn’t know is that the security guard a block down had already told us they were filming the new Batman movie.

There goes my plans for royalties and getting rich off DVD sales.

juno

Like a good Minnesotan, I read Diablo Cody’s book a while back. I looked through my archives, but realized I must have read it prior to Fake Tits™ from my former job finding my blog, and then me taking everything down and becoming not too sure how to put it all back up. (Oh so sorry, Fake Tits™.) In short, I loved the book very much. I loved that it was based on places I’m somewhat familiar with and I loved the way it was written – I guess in language that sounded like exactly something I’d find myself saying. To continue filling my role of the ideal Minnesota resident, I went to go see Juno this afternoon.

When I walked into the theater, I was kind of surprised at the crowd. It was mainly older people, and by older, I mean quite possibly old enough to be my grandparents. Jodi ran into the same thing in her neck of the woods, and it’s kinda funny! The previews they’ve been showing on TV don’t exactly scream Your Grandparents Movie.

The whole movie was pretty fantastic – the cast, the soundtrack, and obviously the script. I hoped it would be a great movie and worth my $7.25 matinee price, and it didn’t disappoint at all. After hearing all of hype and the five billion awards it’s been nominated for already, I had some doubt in the back of my head going into it, but they were easily erased during the first five minutes. If Hollywood allows Diablo Cody to maintain the type of writing style she’s become known for with Candy Girl and now with Juno, then I’ll be more than excited to see or read anything else with her name attached.

And, because I’m a super nerd with way too much time on my hands and a New Years Resolution to keep track of all the movies I watch, I made a spreadsheet! And because I thought it’d be fun to look at later in the year, I also added worksheets for movies and sporting events, too. SUPER LAME. At least I know this will last all of about six weeks before I get bored with it.

Other things to write about: the Wolves game last night, the Dragon afterwards, and how I need to pack really bad.

black snake moan? nearly the worst ever

I knew I’d be staying in today, so I swung by my favorite new thing ever – Redbox. It’s the whole movie rental vending machine that costs a buck a day, and you can’t really beat that. I picked up Black Snake Moan, because I wanted to give Justin Timberlake a third chance with his acting skills after Alpha Dog and Edison both made me want to vomit. My short review? I still kind of want my $1 back, because it wasn’t even worth that. Maybe I’d be happy with maybe a 37 cent refund.

J.T., former love of my life, you need to stick to one thing, son, and acting in movies is not it. Dressing up like an egg? Feel free to do that any old time. Feel the need to glue on some horrible facial hair and stick your genitals in a box? I’m okay with that, too. And of course you can bring Sexy Back whenever you need to.

I just really, really wish you’d stop throwing yourself into movies that have big name actors and hoping they’ll greatness and/or top billing will make you an awesome actor. It ain’t happenin’. Ever.

things are different these days

You know what always reminds me of how things have changed over time? Movies. Seriously.

At the recommendation of my Work BFF™, I had Netflix send me Roman Holiday. It’s her favorite movie, and how can we continue our Work BFF™ relationship if I’ve never seen her favorite movie?

In one of the first scenes of the movie, Audrey Hepburn is passed out in the back of a cab and Gregory Peck is smacking her upside the face to try to wake her up.

I realize their’s no current comparison to Audrey to make this a fair comparison, but if one were to make a movie in 2007 with maybe Brad Pitt leaving hand prints on Reese Witherspoon’s little face, it would be rated R for questionable violence. Now, the Netflix envelope for the DVD says Roman Holiday is unrated, but I have a feeling you wouldn’t have had to be 17 to see this 54 years ago when the movie was made.

What are your favorite movies? We can’t be Blog BFF™s if I haven’t seen your favorite movie!

the ultimate gift

This is the official site of the movie “The Ultimate Gift” and the grass-roots movement its starting to help charities and give to others. Why can’t all movies do this?

I like to think that I’m pretty up to speed when it comes to movies and all that Hollywood gossipy crap that I read way too much of every day, but today is the first time I’d heard about “The Ultimate Gift”. The movie, which opens March 9th on a limited release, is giving one dollar from every ticket purchased to the charitable group of your choice. The Fox Film Fund is making this possible.

They’re referring to the first weekend the movie is open as the “Weekend of Giving”, and all movie tickets purchased for viewing from March 9 through March 11 will qualify for the donation to charity.

You guys all know how much I love charity. And you also know how much I love movies. Combining two of my favorite things together is incredible. The only thing that would make me happier is if there was an awesome way to combine brownies and bench pressing, too.

The movie is based on a book written by Jim Stovall, who has overcome blindness to achieve such goals as becoming a success investment broker and even a national champion Olympic weightlifter. The movie itself has a great list of actors – Abigail Breslin (the adorable little girl from Little Miss Sunshine), James Garner (the old guy that made you cry in The Notebook), and Brian Dennehy (Chris Farley’s dad in Tommy Boy) just to name a few.
According to the movie’s website, “more than 300 pre-screenings have already resulted in over $5 million in donations to charity.” How awesome is that? I know it’s just a grass-roots movement and I know it’s not a huge film, but how great is it to know that just by going and doing something like watching a movie in the theater, you’re going to be able to donate money to a cause you support? I hope to see more of this in the future!

maybe because it’s about beer

If someone could kindly remind me why I put Beerfest in my Netflix queue, I would greatly appreciate it. And if someone could explain to me why I’ve actually watched more than 20 minutes of it as of right now, I’d also appreciate that.

so i saw some movies

I’ve been to the theater a few times over the course of the last month, and I’d forgotten how much I enjoy just sitting in stadium seating with all of the lights out and enjoying a movie every now and then.

The Holiday – I was actually supposed to be going to see We Are Marshall that night, but the line at the box office was the longest thing in the world and we were scared we’d miss the beginning of the movie. We opted for The Holiday and still sat through 30 minutes (no lie) of previews. I loved this movie a lot. Like a whole lot. I even loved Cameron Diaz and Jude Law very much, and those are two people who are not my favorites. It was a super cute movie and I’m pretty sure you’ll love it, no matter who you are. I knew I’d love it because of two words: Jack Black. I’m totally buying this when it’s out on DVD.

Dreamgirls – True confession? I love musicals. A lot. I’m not entirely comfortable with sharing that secret with all of you, but there it is. Aside from the fact that I normally want Beyonce to move to the left, to the left, I think she was pretty much irreplaceable in this movie. She was honestly awesome. But even more awesome? Jennifer Hudson. Holy American Idol. If she doesn’t win some type of big award for her performance, which their calling “supporting”, then there’s something sorely wrong with the Academy or the Golden Globes or whatever else refuses her an award. She was amazing. Jamie Foxx played sleazy a little too well for me and Eddie Murphy was a complete riot. Even Urkel got a part. It was good, but I think I loved the soundtrack more than I actually loved the movie.

We Are Marshall – Hi, I cried. I knew the premise of the movie, so I was prepared for that, but there was a scene or two involving the “We Are… Marshall” chant that brought way too many tears to my eyes. I am a sissy. I’m not a fan of Matthew McConaughey and this movie didn’t help matters much. I also realized I’m only a fan of Matthew Fox when he’s shirtless and running around a scary island on an ABC television series. It was a sports movie; the story of it is no secret. I liked that part of it. I just thought it was poorly executed compared to the potential I thought it had.

So, I’ve admitted to you that I enjoy musicals and that I cried during a movie. Any other big secrets you were looking to get out of me?

employee of the month & my love for dane cook

I went to go see Employee of the Month this past weekend and immediately following it, I went to apply at Sam’s Club.

Dane Cook plays a total slacker who has everyone do his own work. See why I always love him? Dax Shepard is really funny as the Employee of the Month winner for the past 17 months and the fastet checker in the southwest region. And Jessica Simpson plays a stupid whore. Or maybe not, but that’s all I can think of her as, so that’ll have to do.

If you know anything about Dane Cook, I’m sure the first thing that comes to your mind is the fact that he can be, you know, COMPLETELY OVER THE TOP at times. But the thing that makes me laugh the most about him? He tells stories the same way I tell stories. Seriously. I mean, my hombres and I could easily hang out with him and it would just be like nothing’s any different. He’s just my kind of people.
Aside from the fact that Dane Cook can do no wrong in my shiny blue eyes, the movie was still really funny. Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite is in it and hialrious. So are Andy Dick and Harland Williams. And the XXL security guard named Semi, who I wanted to hug after the movie was over.

I wish I could have made perfectly clear at the box office that my $4.00 (it was a super secret matinee) was to all be applied towards Dane Cook and absolutely none of it should be give to Jessica or Joe Simpson and their greedy, grimy, untalented paws. But I digress.

It’s a really funny movie, especially if you’ve ever worked in retail (hello, K-Mart shoe department employee here!) or even more especially if you like Dane Cook. Because did I mention he is my favorite?

the black dahlia. or josh hartnett sucks.

I went to go see The Black Dahlia last night.

We did some shopping at Macy’s (ha.) and some dinner and drinks at Ruby Tuesday before our 9:40 movie start time. Since our shopping trip was a miserable failure, much like Josh Hartnett’s acting abilities, we spent a lot of time at Ruby Tuesday. We watched the Twins beat the pants off the Red Sox and celebrated by drinking.

It’s based off the novel of the same name that was inspired by “California’s most famous unsolved mystery”. It’s set in the 40′s and filmed that way. The type of cinematography that was used would have been awesome with really strong actors. i.e. NOT JOSH HARTNETT.

I fell asleep midway through the movie. When I woke up, two girls were going at it with a dildo. You can im agine my confusion. I’m not sure why or what led up to that, but apparently, there was nothing even remotely close to that in the book.

Stephanie explained the differences between the book and the movie to me afterwards. I think she may have been smoking from the ears due to how irate she was with the results.

The only saving grace to the movie? Apparently at this theater, it’s only $6 to go on a weeknight.

Never will I go see a movie that involves Josh Hartnett again, unless it’s a silent film where he wears a bag over his head. I can’t stand his perpetual forlorn look for a two hour movie, and really? That’s the only look he has.