1/4 teaspoon of saliva is more than you think

For the past several months, I’ve been obsessively building family trees for my family as well as my genetic/biological people. It’s pretty nuts, but it’s also incredibly fascinating.

A few weeks ago, I decided there was a much easier way to find out the genetic piece of what I’ve always been curious about. And while I plan on continuing to dig around under rocks to find out some interesting tidbits here and there, I’m also waiting for science to get back to me.

I forked over some cash to the folks at ancestry.com and a few days later a package came in the mail.


The only familiarity I have with gathering DNA is what I’ve seen on Law & Order: SVU and when I bought 23 million sperm. Since Olivia Benson wasn’t around to secretly steal the pop can I’d been drinking out of, I had to fill this with 1/4 teaspoon full of spit. Up to the line, the directions said, but don’t count the bubbles.


I did it the best way I knew how… which is apparently holding a test tube against my mouth like it was a trumpet mouthpiece.


I mixed the secret blue solvent mixture in as instructed, leaving out the dog slobber that we thought might be funny, and dropped it in the mail the day after I got it.

Earlier this week, I got an email that said this:


Now I wait for 6-8 weeks to find out what kind of a mutt I really am. I’m guessing it’s at least 25% Irish and 25% German based on my supreme internet stalking skills, but I’m still just going nuts waiting. I’m a product of two red-headed adults, you guys. (Yes, in fact, I can show you the Facebook pages of the two folks that contributed the sperm and egg that turned into me, if you’re so inclined.)

The curiosity really started to get at me when we found out exactly what Oslo’s heritage is and I was jealous. Of a 3 month old. It seems like kind of a silly thing to even care about, especially knowing that the accuracy of something like this certainly isn’t going to be 100% accurate and that I won’t understand most of the 700,000 rows of raw data information I’ll end up with when it’s all said and done. But sometimes, you just feel like you need to know things.

this other little guy is 19 weeks along

B3 has been cooking now for 19 weeks. He’s almost halfway done! Tomorrow, we have our ultrasound where we get to see things like his face and his heart. I’ll probably explode from excitement (or at least cry) and then I’ll make all of you look at black and white picture of a tiny fetus in a bubble in my wife’s uterus. You’ve been warned.

Amelia’s been feeling him move around for a couple of weeks now. I can’t feel it from the outside yet, but so far, he’s been pretty squirrely when we were at the Lynx game, at the Indigo Girls concert and anytime I come home from work and start yammering way.

Right now, he should be around 6.5 inches long and weigh around 9 ounces. He’s kind of been growing like a weed lately! He’s apparently the size of a large mango, but I don’t know enough about mangos to give me any reference at all. I believe that is a sure sign that I should be hightailing it to somewhere that I can spend a lot of time in a mango grove. Although, another site says he’s the size of an heirloom tomato, so maybe I’ll just go to the grocery store. These vegetable references are kind of played out at this point. How about a hamburger? Is he the size of a Big Mac or something?

The test we had done a while back that also let us know about his sex was only about 98% accurate. Those odds are pretty awesome, but tomorrow we’ll be able to confirm that upon sight. In all likelihood, someone might have to point it out to me, because I’m not super familiar with that particular organ.

Other cool things that we’ll see tomorrow: his ears and eyes are where they’re supposed to be. His eyebrows are apparently complete, so I’m kind of excited about whether or not we’ll see this little guy with a unibrow tomorrow.

We powered through his bedroom for a while, but kind of pumped the brakes right around Memorial Day for no other reason than I think we were just tired of finding places to put things that were in the room formerly known as the office, now known as the baby’s room/elliptical trainer room. We’ve gotta reorganized our basement a little bit, because we both had forgotten that 17 year old organization is quite different than adult organization. Once we’ve got that under control, this baby’s room should be ready to be painted!

Car shopping is next on our list, after summer classes and after our trip to New York. Until then, I’m putting myself on a freeze when it comes to buying things for him, mainly because I keep losing track of what I’ve already bought. It’s safe to say that Children’s Place taunts me daily, but the last time I’ve looked, I’ve seriously ALREADY BOUGHT EVERYTHING.


this is what a baller’s bank account looks like



Cryogenic Labs – Uh, “stuff”.
Cub Foods – Cupcakes for work potluck
Holiday – Gas to get to the cabin
G-Will Liquors – Two sixers of beer
Zorbaz – Pizza, beer and wine

And then, of course, Mint is clearly concerned about my health and wellness:


There is concern from all over the place. I love the support we’re getting… even from my the websites that monitor my money.