two dolla

maybe this is a post

1. Holidailies says you can take a break, so that’s what I’ll consider yesterday. My break from posting a whole 12 days in a row. That’s high pressure.
2. All of the snow that’s hit Minneapolis has taken residence upon the roof of my apartment building, directly above my desk. And now, it looks like there’s two spots of urine where the roof is clearly leaking. I called the apartment complex today, but The General doesn’t think they’re going to be in too big of a hurry to fix it until we move. I’m okay with that, as long as five hundred tons of snow don’t come crashing down upon my head when I’m illegally download music or obsessing over Mafia Wars on Facebook. Every time the roof creaks, I get scared I’m about to be caught in an avalanche.
3. I’m in the process of downloading and installing OpenOffice. I wish I could say I was being all Damn Bill Gates, but my current version of Word is 2002 and I forgot how old that is until I try working from home. Opening up a resume that’s been done in 2007 or, better yet, Office XP, is kind of impossible with my crusty old version.
4. I’ve been trying to invoke a new employment law all day, but it’s not really working. I’d like to propose that if you wake up and get out of bed, and then decide that you’re cold, you don’t have to go to work. So far, nobody’s buying this. I woke up this morning and I was freezing my ass off. I think I should have been able to call work, explain the temperature situation, and go back to bed. I’m still working on getting this implemented worldwide – don’t worry.

a to do list that i hope goes quickly

The list of Things to Do before heading down south for the Thanksgiving break keeps building, but we’re finally finding time to catch up on things. Here’s what we have to finish before 3pm on Monday:

1. Puppy Spa Day (the dogs get their ears cleaned, nails clipped, and teeth brushed)
2. Make Jello Shot Salad
3. Buy Beer to take to our gracious hosts in IL
4. Clean out the car (wiping the windows from tongue marks, picking up the garbage, wiping down the dash)
5. Clean out the ‘fridge
6. Take out the trash
7. Take Riley to the Vet for some follow up vaccines
8. Pack! (bags for clothes, toiletries, and one for Riley. I should probably have a detailed list so I don’t forget anything…)
9. Vacuum
10. Do laundry
11. Go the Shackin’ Up Party
12. Updated the iPod
13. Take The Boy to his Granny’s (or drop him off in a ditch somewhere along the way)
14. Wash the car

This also includes working on Monday from 8am – 3pm, with a work lunch involving Erica and macaroni pizza.

So, yeah, I kind of have a lot to do this weekend!

a list and 2 sidenotes

Things I saw after I turned my computer off at work and headed down the elevator until just right now:

1. A co-worker leaning into the back window of his VW Passat while cleaning safety glass out. Someone was ballsy enough to punch in the window in the middle of the afternoon while it was parked in an open parking lot right smack dab in the middle of Minneapolis.
2. Two cop cars and a bomb squad truck parked in front of the downtown Minneapolis library.
3. The stoners three blocks down playing hackey sack in their front yard and attempting to involve their wheelchair-bound friend, but instead it looked like they were just beaning her in the head over and over.
4. Myself cutting up raw chicken, which ended up in the most delicious stir fry I think I’ve ever eaten, made ever so lovingly by The General™.
5. A total drug deal going down at 34th and Emerson. The guy in the car that was handing of said drugs asked if Riley was a pit bull. NO, JACKHOLE, HE’S A DRUG SNIFFING DOG, SO WATCH OUT.
6. A seriously crazy lady meeting us head on our post-dinner 2.25 mile walk, who asked Riley to sit (which he did) and then lay down (and instead he tried shaking her hand). Then she handed The General and I an apartment rental magazine.
7. And now it’s pretty much just my computer screen, my fat, tired, white dog sleeping on the couch, and the glow of The General’s laptop.

SIDENOTE: I quit drinking caffeine last Thursday. I just kept forgetting to bring change into work to get pop out of the vending machine, and figured why the hell not just quit worrying about it. As a result, I’m pretty sure I’ve lost eight pounds. I’m currently trying to break my juice habit, too, but holy Christ on a cracker, I could live on nothing but juice and Little Debbie snacks.

SIDENOTE.2: The General quit smoking last Thursday. The quitting of our vices on the exact same day was not at all planned, but it worked out that way. We now own stock in Tootsie Roll pops, but I’d rather find sucker sticks laying all around then make out with an ashtray. Sorry, baby. ;)

pre-independence day list

This is the first 4th of July weekend I’ve remained in the Twin Cities since moving here. I’m usually in Milwaukee whooping it up at Summerfest. I was just talking to The General™, explaining how the first time we went to Summerfest must have been 2002. If my external hard drive was up and running, I’d absolutely post the picture that I have stuck in my head right now, where Rick was carrying Brooke down the streets of downtown Milwaukee while Derek and I laughed our asses off. And since then, there’s been two babies and a third one on the way, Derek’s gotten married, and holy crap, all of a sudden we’re complete grownups.

And speaking of complete grownups, I had fruit for lunch today, along with my peanut butter and strawberry preserves sandwich and Oatmeal Creme Pie. And by fruit, I mean an entire pint of watermelon. One of my job duties includes interviewing. Interviewing someone isn’t really something you should do after consuming that much fruit when your body hasn’t seen that much fruit in a very, very, very long time. I, honest to God, had to excuse myself mid-way through the interview so I could poop. I AM NOT KIDDING. I didn’t really say, “Excuse me, but I have to poop”, but it was still embarassing.

We have absolutely no plans this weekend at all. Like none. There’s a possible boxer meet up on Saturday (shut up! It’s nerdy, but awesome!) and a drag show later that evening that we’ve been talking about since we’re both in the midst of a BROMANCE with Johnny Lightning. And I have to go into work on Sunday for a couple of hours, but you know what makes up for that? The fact that I get to leave next Friday at least an hour early. Working until 6 p.m. usually isn’t that big of a deal. Except on Fridays. And then it sucks donkey balls.

I was just reminded that the Spam Jamboree is going on this weekend. I can’t explain it, but I have an unhealthy need to go. The idea of going to The General’s™ hometown is slightly daunting, but the idea of a 5K HOG JOG kinda makes up for it.

the weekend provided in bullets

I got out of bed early this morning. And by early I mean more than 10 minutes before I’m supposed to leave my house (8:30) in order to get to work on time. Quite honestly, I can leave my place at 8:45 and get there by 9:00, but if that happens, it involves cutting people off and running red lights through downtown Minneapolis. I’m a fan of both, but figure they’re probably not conducive to me keeping my nice, shiny driving record.

This weekend in bullet points:

Friday:

• I won 3rd row tickets at Orchestra Hall in a drawing at work.
• I wore fancy pants after 6pm on a Friday, complete with a jacket.
• Amazing performance of Russian Spectacular: Season Finale!
• Joined the crew at Jitters, for a drink and some cheese.
• Called it a night.

Saturday:

• Slept in.
• I made breakfast.
• We joined Cindi for a lunch of ice cream.
• Thrift store shopping!
• Other various shopping.
• An attempt at going to Sonic (the brand new one in St. Paul) was thwarted by a STAGING AREA they had a couple blocks away. We had Taco Bell instead.
• $50 did not fill my gas tank up. Sigh.
• Joined Matt and Jenni at the Northeast Palace.
• Sat 2 inches away from some crazy lady that kept staring at me. I would have said something, but she had two super drunk friends with her and she had a spider web tattoo on her arm. I didn’t want to be murdered.

Sunday:

• Slept in.
• Had cereal for breakfast.
• Did absolutely nothing until 3p.m.
• Had to go to work for a minute or two.
• Cleaned out the ‘fridge, helped with dinner, watched bad TV.
• Played Jeopardy on the PS2.
• Called it a night.

And now it’s 11 minutes until it’s time for me to go to work, and guess who’s not dressed? Yep, that’d be me.

it’s been a while since a list

• Riley has resumed his stuffed cow obsession. I can’t fault him for it really. I have a hard time sleeping without him, so I’m sure he has a hard time sleeping without his cow. Meanwhile, his gorilla, his baseball, and his tiger rope are all sitting sadly on the shelf in the living room, because they’re leaking cotton.
• If you’ve never used it, I highly suggest WalkJogRun.net. Since moving, there are a lot more walking options, and I’ve been seeing how far Riley and I can go before his lack of leash etiquette makes my lower back feel like it’s going to collapse. It’s based of Google Maps, which means it’s naturally awesome.
• I updated my resume on a few sites yesterday, because I realized the 55408 zip code (my new one) is quite a bit more centrally located than my old 55121 zip code. So, this morning, I had no less than seven emails from various insurance companies saying I should come work for them. I’ll get right on that, a-holes.
• A picture I took this weekend at the WCHA Hockey Tournament is going to be in a Denver area newspaper, that I believe comes out on Thursday. More details when that happens, but here’s the picture they wanted to use. They’re mailing me a copy of the paper when it comes out, and I’m more than giddy about that.
• Do you guys use Twitter? I use it a lot, but all the stuff is protected right now until I find a job. Some of it’s incriminating and some of it (okay, a lot of it) is done while intoxicated. For instance:
  • HEY LADY ANOTHER ROUND SON AND GET THESE DAMN PLATES OFF OUR TABLE SON AND SOME WATER WHILE YOU’RE AT IT SON
  • Some lady in the bathroom just gave me her vodka red bull. I LOVE HOCKEY FANS.
  • It was down to 2 candidates for that job yesterday. The other guy didn’t show today. Now they need to interview more. Bitches.
  • I have on a suit, a necklace, earrings, and heeled shoes. I feel like someone took away my Bad Ass card.
• You know what time it is? Sodoku time, courtesy of Matt’s awesome birthday present. (My birthday is also on the list of things to write about…)

some paper and a pen

My new favorite thing since I’ve moved is keeping a notebook at my desk. Sometimes I have ideas I want to write down, or notes I want to take when on the phone with, oh, a potential employer and/or recruiter. In the old apartment, I wrote on the back of Band Aid wrappers and Taco Bell napkins, so you can see how much more effective my new note-taking system is.

My current notebook has the following:

Page 1

• Various bits of information I needed to jot down when talking to D-Link a couple of weeks ago about the idiotic behavior of my router and network adapter. (I should probably call them back, because my wireless network is shady enough that I have a network cable strung across my living room. Ironically, I get a more reliable connection when stealing someone else’s wireless signal.)
• The name of my wireless network (which is? AWESOME) and the password it generated for my secure network.
• A list of people going to the Twins Opener later this month
• The instructions Tivo gave me for setting up my new cable lineup when I moved

Page 2

• Two lists of things I keep thinking about, but never write down
• Two prospective companies that I talked about with my awesome recruiter on Friday afternoon
• Seven versions of the letter W
• My recruiter’s personal email address
• The DNS information for my new webhost
• a list of things my piece of shit cell phone has been doing the past two weeks and the name of the piece of shit customer service rep that I just talked to

things i love about my new apartment

1.    The view from my dining room and living room. It’s a busy street during the day, and fairly quiet at night. Even on Saturday night, the distinct sound of people talking as they walked by was more enjoyable than the children screaming and unruly dogs barking at the old apartment.
2.    Riley’s the only dog; there’s one kid here every other weekend. I love kids, but my experience living near them has never been enjoyable and/or even remotely quiet.
3.    The toilet doesn’t clog. Hey, I use a lot of toilet paper.
4.    There’s no herd of buffalo stampeding above me; instead my downstairs neighbor has to endure that. (Sorry, people I haven’t met yet.)
5.    The storage closet in the basement where I can still have STUFF, but not have it all over my apartment.
6.    The way the windows open. I don’t know. I just love it a lot.
7.    The fact that it has a BATHTUB. (The old place was handicap accessible, and didn’t have a tub; only a shower!)
8.    THE BITCHIN’ LOCATION. I really want to show you a map of where I live and where all the awesome things (including my friends) are, but I’m scared some freak face will possibly come kill me. Or break into my car and just stay there until I decide to leave one day. Here’s a limited list of location-related perks:

•           My 612 tattoo place is exactly 1 mile from me, but if I wanted to go to a new one, there are at least six others within the same distance.
•           This weekend, my friends met at MY PLACE for once.
•           I can get to any of our regular hangouts in 10 minutes; this compared to about three times that long before.
•           By freeway, there is only one exit between mine and downtown (i.e. baseball and basketball games, thank you very much.)

Being in this apartment in this city is probably the biggest relief I’ve felt since, well, "having my position eliminated" in October. There was nothing wrong with the suburb that I was living in really, except it was far from everything I do or just about everyone I spend a lot of time with. I’ve been internalizing a lot of stuff that I’ve been dealing with over the last couple of weeks, all of what should be minor but I’ve reacted absolutely ridiculously to. And as soon as I finish hanging up all 5065 of my t-shirts and find my Fancy Pants Grown Up Lady Business Suit for an interview on Wednesday that sounds both exciting AND promising, I’ll be feeling just about 100%.

And since I’m pretty set on my next tattoo, I should probably get a job to fund that nasty little habit.

Yep, things are definitely better.

help me out, comcast

• American Idol so far this season? Not impressed. Not impressed at all.
• The Lunar eclipse was pretty fantastic last night. Not fantastic enough for me to stand outside for the whole thing, but maybe next time.
• I keep wanting to write about how excited I am to be moving into Minneapolis, but I can’t really put it into words… Trust me. I’m excited.
• My cable/internet is scheduled to be shut off today. I kind of did it on purpose, so I’d have nothing to do but pack. But we’ll see if that happens. I can’t believe I’m relying on Comcast to give me a little discipline.
• As much as I enjoy being a productive member of the job-applying world, I’m kind of looking forward to being an actual part of the working world again. I’m pretty sure I’m rectifying that as soon as possible once I get moved.
• I’m going to another Wolves game tonight. They’re playing the Spurs, and since I’ve been out of the NBA-fan world for so long, I always have to look at the rosters. Since Damon Stoudamire plays for the Spurs, I’m tempted to dig up the Stoudamire jersey I had. From 1996. When he wore #20 and played for the Raptors. Then I’d be just like the guy that wears his Christian Laettner Timberwolves jersey to the games, or the guy that won the $50 US Bank gift card the other night while wearing his Tom Gugliotta jersey. I love Googs as much as the next guy, but c’mon – that shit’s worn out, dude. Use that $50 and get a Bassy jersey!

i like link roundups

1. I keep reading stories (like this one) about a new outfielder the Cubs are signing named Fukudome. It will come as no surprise that I keep pronouncing it FUCK-U-DOME.
2. Cindi told me about ApartmentRatings.com tonight, so I looked up my current dwelling. It’s funny. And I didn’t even write one yet.
3. ESPN is listing the Twins as one of the five most horribly shitty lineups in the league for the 2008 season. Hey, that’s great news! Sigh.
4. WikiHow always gives me great ideas – like how to break a beer bottle with your bare hands. It also makes me want to go to bartending school, so I’ll have a reason to make layered shots on a regular basis.
5. One month from today, I’ll be a bebida on a crucero de lujo with my amigos. (I need to learn Spanish somewhere other than Babel Fish.)
6. Best prank in the world? Right here. Or at least for the time being.