two dolla

american idol 8: top 13

The General protested the idea of live blogging American Idol, but since I now have the laptop, it looks like it’s live blogging time… at least if you’re on the West Coast. It’s Michael Jackson night, and having not read any spoilers at all, I’m kind of excited about the options for tonight’s performances.

Here we go, in short form tonight.

Lil Rounds – “The Way You Make Me Feel”:
Wendy: Too much screaming, so not down with the makeup.
General: Her outfit’s horrific. It’s Fantasia in a smaller body.

Scott MacIntyre – “Keep the Faith”:
Wendy: I’m glad he’s back behind the piano, but I didn’t love it.
General: It was okay.

Danny Gokey – “P.Y.T.”:
Wendy: I have this dude picked as the winner in our work pool for a reason, yo.
General: Wow.

Michael Sarver – “You Are Not Alone”:
Wendy: I get bored with him every time,
General: Boring. Cruise ship. That big cheesy grin of his always makes me think of someone at Valley Fair.

Jasmine “Alien Head Tranny” Murray – “I’ll Be There”:
Wendy: I think the stylists took her shopping at Frederick’s of Hollywood. Her performance was equally as trashy and something I want to avoid. And it’s too bad because this is one of my favorite songs of all-time.
General: There’s a reason she didn’t make it in during the first rounds. She’s pitchy as hell. And she has an alien forehead. She needs to go home and go back to high school.

Kris Allen – “Remember the Time”:
Wendy: I think he’s adorable. I loved about 85% of this performance.
General: It was great until the last 10 seconds.

Allison Iraheta – “Give Into Me”:
Wendy: I like her a lot.
General: I think she did really well actually.

Anoop DOGG Desai – “Beat It”"
Wendy: Anoop is a lot. I would just like to give him a haircut.
General: He’s a great performer.

Jorge Nunez – “Never Can Say Goodbye”:
Wendy: I can’t watch him. And I’d rather not listen to him anymore.
General: He makes stupid, cheesy faces the whole time. It’s the same douchey faces that Sanjaya made.

Megan Joy Corkery – “Rockin’ Robin”:
Wendy: I can’t watch her either. I really love her voice.
General: I love her voice. She’s quirky as hell.

Adam Lambert – “Black or White”:
Wendy: He reminds me too much of Constantine. And too much of a dude that needs everyone to pay attention to him all day every day.
General: I’m not a fan. How many fucking times did he sing that in front of a mirror to get those facial expressions right?

Matt Giraud – “Human Nature”:
Wendy: I like him when he’s behind the piano, too. The recording industry needs a dude version of Alicia Keys.
General: I love him actually. He has a really unique voice and he’s a super talented pianist.

Alexis Grace – “Dirty Diana”:
Wendy: I don’t remember her from the auditions, but have loved her ever since.
General: I thought she was great. It was a perfect song choice for her. She looked fantastic.

Bottom Three:
Wendy: Jorge, Alien Head Tranny, and Michael Sarver. I hope Alien Head goes home and I think Jorge will go with her.
General: Jorge, Alien Head Tranny, and Anoop; Jorge and Anoop will be the 2 that go home.

nice work, abdul

I had to watch American Idol tonight before I went to bed – mainly for curiosity, but also just in case one of my new co-workers wanted to talk about it. I didn’t want to be the new girl that was completely in the dark.

It was a weird format, compared to other years when the performers would sing two songs. This time, they let all five remaining wannabe-idols do their thing before going quickly down the line of three judges to hear their results. Paula was drunk and/or stupid, OR American Idol is completely rigged. I have yet to figure out which the case might be, but here’s what I’m basing my evidence on:

What the eff, Paula?

Regardless of whatever prompted the above situation, I swear to God I’m not watching it anymore if Brooke White doesn’t have the lowest number of votes after her craptacular performances tonight. I listened to maybe the first four bars of each song before I fast forwarded right to the end. I have no idea how I’d watch that damn show if it weren’t for the beauty that is my Tivo.

Now I have to go to bed angry about American Idol. There better be something good on TV that puts me to sleep quickly or I’m gonna be dragging as at the new (and permanent) gig.

american idol top ten recap

I completely forgot that I wanted to write about American Idol the nights it was on. Or maybe I completely forgot about it, because there’s not a single girl contestant left that I like. At all. And the last two weeks full of Beatles songs? Not impressed at all. But, because my list of shit to write about is getting entirely too long, I thought I’d start here – my thoughts on tonight’s performances. It’s the top ten, which means everyone on tonight’s episode gets to perform in the tour, the one that I’ve never really had any interest at all in seeing.

I hate the new stage layout, and I especially hate it when the crowd’s standing their waving their arms back and forth like they’re trying to flag down an airplane. I hate the one gigantic iPod/Ford ad that the entire show has turned into. And I would gladly give any of the judges my life savings (which isn’t much right now) to put a can of Pepsi on that damn table in front of them, even if it’s for five seconds. I do love two things: Ricky Minor and Train Wrecks, so I keep watching it.

The theme for tonight, which I read on TMZ earlier today, is songs from the years in which the contestants are born. There are an assload of songs in every single year, so it should be interesting to see how many of them pick the absolute worst song from that particular year. My guess? At least seven out of ten, especially given these kids are all at least a whopping two years younger than me. It’s too bad I’m not in it this year, because I could pick from songs from the Bee Gees ("Night Fever"  or "How Deep Is Your Love") or Barry Manilow ("Copacabana or "Can’t Smile Without You" … both of which I know word for word), or some of my all time favorite songs (no lie): "You’re the One That I Want" (or anything else from the Grease soundtrack!), "Sometimes When We Touch", or even "Take a Chance on Me" by ABBA. 1978? Clearly a fantastic year for number one hits!

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over this kid

Josiah Leming has gotten his fair share of media exposure, and I’m kinda through with him now.

First, it was the British accent he develops when he sings, and then he cries like a giant baby. I don’t care if it’s just editing that makes him look like a big ol’ baby or not.

And then Ellen DeGeneres, because she loves to make people feel better and get one step closer to their dream, has him on her show:

Sigh.

In the interview, he goes between his fake British accent (it’s soooo Britney Spears) and what would probably be his regular Tennessee accent. Besides looking like he was going to slip Ellen the tongue as the show went to commercial, I just can’t help but get a creepy vibe from him.

It’s not like I want him to catch herpes or something, but I’m just ready for him to be done with his TV time. Pretty quickly actually.

they can’t all be winners

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHpEWeGZhuI[/youtube]

This may be right around the time I divorce Clay Aiken.

ai: 3 singers, 3 songs

The show’s down to the final three, which means tonight we get to hear three songs from each of the three finalists. And, since I’m watching it way after it was one, I don’t get to vote. I’m not happy about that!

The first round features songs the judges have picked for the contestants, the second round songs were chosen by the producers, and the singers themselves picked the last song.

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ai: final four do the bee gees

The only thing that could possibly make this disco-infused episode better would be to have Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon make an appearance with The Barry Gibb Talk Show. Actually, this is one of my favorite theme nights, especially when they get to sing two songs each. I should probably go find my cell phone, because I have some votes that need to be cast. Casted? Cast.

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ai: are you kidding?

Virtual Elvis Presley? Do you really think he’d be down with that? And having him sing with a hoser like Celine Dion?

Hey, there’s one way to get me to stop watching your show, Fox. Doing something as asinine as having Celine Dion on stage trying a) out-diva Elvis and b) pretending she’s looking into his eyes is a sure fire way to get your season pass revoked from my Tivo.

Holy balls, this is stupid.

ai: idol gives back part 1

You know what’s really hard? Trying to take Ryan Seacrest seriously. If the world ever comes to an end and we know about it well in advance, I would highly suggest having Ryan tell the world, because he can’t possibly be serious. The world as you know it will be coming to an end on… after the break.

My Tivo tells me the six finalists perform songs about compassion and music tonight. While I’m sure he’s a great kid, I’m glad Sanjaya isn’t coming back this week to butcher yet another style of song.

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ai: it’s country time

Two weeks ago, I was on a cruise ship not giving one damn about who was singing what song on American Idol. The week after that, I was out with the homies eating cream cheese paddies and didn’t end up watching the show until the actual elimination show was airing. And now here I am, two weeks after Peter Noone and Lulu made everyone sing British Pop songs and America was finished with Chris Sligh.

According to Ryan Seacrest, Martina McBride was the “only choice” for a country performer this week. By only does he mean the only one that would say yes? Because I can think of about 2029 others they could have chosen, too. As long as they left Kellie Pickler off the show, I wouldn’t have complained much more than I normally do.

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