it has been 24 days

These pictures were on my phone, you guys. I seriously have a problem!

Towards the end of April, one of my co-workers says her 30 day challenge for the month of April is going to be not to drink soda. I posted about it on Facebook.

And I totally sent her a screenshot of my Facebook post because I didn’t want someone to be all, “ooooooh, Wendy’s talking about you on Facebook!” and the good news is that she did in fact say soda, but now I’m catching myself saying pop, too, and I don’t remember what it is that I actually say most of the time.

Anyway, it’s now the 24th and I’m still soda free. I’ve had caffeine, because I’m not some kind of savage and I want my friends, family and co-workers to not want to slap me in the mouth.

I had a moment of panic when Ozzy and I went through the McDonald’s drive thru after the two of us went to the zoo and did you know McDonald’s doesn’t have lemonade? I mean, what kind of world are we living in.  I had ORANGE DRINK. It’s the same orange drink they used to have at our elementary school parties back in the 80s and it’s very possible the ORANGE DRINK I had a couple of weeks ago was made back then, too.

I was talking about it today and again this past weekend because you’re damn right I’ll toot my own horn when I’m 24 days into a challenge to anyone that will listen or anyone that doesn’t want to listen. When this whole 30 days started, I had grand plans of either shotgunning can after can of Mountain Dew in the break room at work or just straight up chugging 2 liters at my desk. With only six days to go, that’s not really the case anymore.

I mean, yes, I desperately miss the delicious flavor of Mountain Dew. It’s like the nectar of the gods and, when your dad works for Pepsi, it’s something you’ve been drinking for as long as you can remember. Plus, the 80s, you know? And there will never be anything quite like drinking an ice cold Coke right out of the can. Just don’t tell my dad about that part.

However, I’m sleeping more soundly (yay!), drinking more water (when I actually remember to drink, so there’s still work on this one…) and not spending money on stupid sodas all the time. I wish there was an app for how many sodas I haven’t poured down my throat in the past 24 hours per day and how much I’ve saved by not doing. (I know there’s one for smoking!)

Will I be soda free forever? Nah. Probably not. Will I feel the need to stop at the vending machine at work EVERY time I walk through the break room now? No, not unless they get a better flavor of La Croix in that bad boy, because who wants that lemon crap. I know I won’t ever switch to diet because that shit is nasty and I promise I’ve really tried to like it.

In my near drinking future, I see plenty of lemonade, which our toddler calls YEMEN.

And as soon as this 32 degree weather leaves this week, I’m going to stock our garage mini fridge with Summer Shandy and some delicious cider.


turns out i’m not good at challenges

I used to be great at challenges. I mean, I shaved my head because I hit a $5000 fundraising challenge 10+ years ago. I drank 10 shots of flaming alcohol in one night because the server told me I could keep ordering them as long as I could still say the name of the shot: ROCKET FUEL. Notice my future wife happens to be on a date the first night we actually met: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

And now… not so much. Write 30 days in a row? Nope. I thought about writing every day, though. Post a picture every day for a year? Nuh uh. But I have been taking them every day.

Anyway, there’s always the 101 things in 1001 days list that I always tinker around with. It’s not a challenge, but more of a to-do list. Come to think of it, I’m not so good at those either. The last check in was mid-December and 14 out of the 101 things had been crossed off as complete. It’s been three months and I have no idea what, if anything, has changed.

Here’s the massive list in its entirety.

3. Read at least one book, on average, every month of this project. I’m at 22 books read out of my goal of 33 books by the end of this project. So close to nailing this one if I could just finish up the last 20% of this crappy business-type book that I can’t make myself finish. But when I’ve started a book, I have to finish it so I can put it on this damn list.

18. Make two things from Pinterest. I built our firepit this summer and let’s not forget the stupid calm down jar that has now been taken away for good because he somehow caused it to leak.

19. Go out with friends in some fashion at least once a month. 2017 is not off to a very social start. In January, I hung out with co-workers a couple of times at happy hours, which I’m counting because a) I have cool co-workers and 2) it still counts as socializing. My February social time was also work-related, but food and drinks with co-workers while setting up for a massive event was super great. We also went to a Valentine’s Day party hosted by the Family Equality Council. For my sanity and somewhat extroverted self, I need to do better on this guy.

20. Date night with my wife at least once a month. We saw a movie in the theater for the first time since the last Hunger Games movie in January. It was glorious. We also had brunch one morning before we had a doctor’s appointment. Twice in one month! Zero in February.

81. Complete the 365 Photo Project. I’m still going at over 70 days into the year. They’re just sitting on my phone, so I need to figure out a better way to upload them on time and also a way to organize them. I think it’d be cool to print them all out in a tiny book when I’m done just to see my progress on something tangible.

That’s it. That’s all I got. I feel like some of these could be self care related. I need to keep that in mind.

he’s a man with a plan 

Me: What do you want to do today?

Oz: Robby’s. (That’s his clearly awesome daycare person.)

Me: We can’t. She’s sick and it’s Saturday. 

Oz: Okay. Target. Target. Target. 

Little does he know that urgent care is our first stop on today’s list. The three grown ups that he spends the most time around have all been diagnosed with strep throat in the last 10 days. He slept for 14 hours last night and had a 101 degree fever for most of the night. 
But he did ask for a second waffle this morning and was sure to let me know that the noise that just came from his butt was a fart and not poop. 
Parents get a bonus check at the end of every year, right? I mean, it doesn’t necessarily need to be performance based or anything. Just like something like, “hey, nice effort, pal!” I’d accept a certificate as well. 

mommyblogging about my pinterest project


I’m not kidding anyone with this, am I? The only Pinterest board I have for my blurry toddler is one with witty t-shirts that I’m certain he needs and some thing where you take a ton of empty toilet paper tubes and shove Matchbox cars in them. Pinterest has helped me realize my limitations on all things considered “do it yourself”, because it usually ends up being a “do it yourself” with your wife jumping into help because you keep using very LOUD WORDS that aren’t appropriate for neighbors or young ears.

Oh, well, not tonight, friends. I made this kid what all the cool moms call a “calm down bottle”.

Do you know how hard it is to find glitter glue? Apparently the cool thing to do with glue is to make slime (?), so neither Walgreen’s or Target had glitter glue. GLITTER GLUE. When I was in school, you got one glue – white Elmer’s glue. And you know what you did with it? Ate it. Or put it all over your hands, let it dry and peel it off to freak out your little brother.

We finally went to Wal-Mart tonight to get all the crap we needed for this magical tool that internet mommies have very strong opinions about. I hate craft sections and craft stores, okay? Michael and JoAnn are no friends of mine, even if they do have ridiculous coupons all the time. They smell like pine cones and I’m always scared I’ll walk out of there covered in glitter and buying pinking shears and I don’t even know what those are used for.

And then, by golly gee wiliker, we needed a bottle of some nature to put this nonsense in, so we stopped by the gas station to get some plastic bottles of ARTESIAN WATER FROM NORWAY.  Only the best for our little Norwegian-named baby, you know?

(Also, some parents put these things in glass bottles. Why in the holy hell would you give a kid that needs a CALM DOWN BOTTLE something that’s made out of GLASS? I hope you enjoy your hipster mason jar before it gets shattered on your beautiful engineered wood floors. If you’re reading this and you made one of these out of glass, I didn’t mean you.)

Here’s what you buy:

  • Glitter glue
  • Extra glitter (also known as the herpes of the craft world)
  • Empty bottle of some sort to put this stuff in
  • Water
  • Food coloring

Here’s what you do:

  • Pour 3 ounces of glitter glue in your water bottle
  • Keep your toddler from throwing the glitter all over the house
  • Convince him to help squeeze the glue long enough to capture this special moment
  • Pour some warm water to the top
  • Add some glitter
  • Add some food coloring
  • Show your toddler and he’s all “WOW”!
  • Shake it up for him and ask him to do the rest
  • Watch him shake it for 30 seconds
  • Watch him throw it at an adult’s face
  • Take it away
  • Give it back
  • Stop him from trying to stand on it
  • Take it away again

I now resign from my position at mommyblogging pinteresting without a two week notice. Another two weeks of this and I might super glue this kid to the ceiling fan for funsies.

a 30 day challenge has been issued

It was actually issued a week and a half ago, but I had a Gigantic Event Hangover, followed by strep throat for the first time in at least my adult life. Then, my car thought me stopping at a stop sign meant the entire engine should stop and I’ve only thought about that bill every minute of every hour for the past two days. 

(Please send your spare change to the Danger the 2007 Pontiac Vibe Life Support Fund and I’ll make sure he sends you a signed 8×10 if he makes it out alive.)

The challenge went something like this: do something for 30 days. Doesn’t matter what. Just do it. 

My challenge: I’m writing more. 

Twitter and Facebook don’t count. Neither do emails, even though I could easily use that word count to complete a novel. My to-do list at work doesn’t count and neither do all of the things I should be writing in my kid’s baby book and don’t. Where else does that leave me to write? 

RIGHT HERE, BABY. I can’t turn down a challenge. 

The challenge wasn’t about quality or meaning or importance. It was about doing one thing for 30 days, so this is my attempt at being more intentional about something I used to do allllllllllllll the time. Plus blogging every day for a month has been on my personal 101 things to do in 1001 days every single time I’ve created one and yet never checked off. 

Here we go again. Reminders are always welcome.