Relax. I say STFU like I saw OMG or LOL. So, never.
Here are some very researched and tested (nope – neither of those) tips on how I got Junior to look at the back of his eyelids for more than 85 seconds since I’ve been home from work.
1. Feed, change diaper, change clothes, take temperature, quietly threaten in a whisper.
2. Rock every which way you can think of and then start making up other ways. Caution: don’t rock hard enough to cause permanent injury and/or death.
3. Keep trying. It’ll happen. That little vermin is desperate for you to figure out what’s wrong, so don’t get all mad at them. You’re the one without the soft spot in your head so don’t give up on the them!
Eventually, you’ll wind up with this end result:
Don’t forget to put him comfortably on his Baby Trend Expedition Jogger Stroller after the colic comes out.