what i learned from the 2014 super bowl

  1. Kurt Russell is no longer dreamy to me and I hope they don’t consider doing Overboard 2.
  2. I will now forever associate Chevy trucks with crazy cow sex.
  3. Golden Tate’s name sounds like Golden Taint, according to my wife. I’d have to agree.
  4. My wife gets live eagles and seahawks mixed up.
  5. If you try to search for “men’s gloves” on Etsy, you get a bunch of mittens. Really, dudes?
  6. David Beckham? Still got it.
  7. Super Bowl snacks when you’re not eating carbs involve pickles and cheese and that’s about it.
  8. Bruno Mars is kinda boring.
  9. None of those damn half time chatting guys had ever seen Bruno Mars in their entire lives and it was hilarious.

And, finally, I learned that you can watch an entire football game, know that one team just got it’s ass handed to them, and still not really remember what the score was or have an single ounce of emotion about the outcome.

Man, it’s like I was reading about World Religions the entire time the game was on and didn’t even remember seeing much except for sad, sad Eli Manning watching the game from his home field’s suite while his brother got to play.

Is it WNBA time yet?