my plea to brittney griner

Dear Brittney,

We don’t know each other, but I wish we did. Mainly because you’re a bad ass and I do love some bad asses in my life. I do mean bad ass in the most complimentary way possible.

I don’t know if you’ve been watching the WNBA season or not. I would imagine you’ve got better things to do like dunk the ball and punch people, both of which I’m totally cool with. But here’s the scoop – the Phoenix Mercury are trying really hard to be the worst team in basketball, just so they can draft you. You don’t want to play for a team like that, right? No, you don’t. That’s your answer.

Diana Taurasi had this “injury” thing going on during the first half of the season and Penny Taylor as practicing with her Olympic team, so they were starting second string players and squeaking by with a win here and there. And the magically, Taurasi’s “injury” is healed and she can play in the Olympics. Olympics are over and she’s playing at the same level as I would play if I were 80 pounds lighter and 15 years younger. That’s code for JV-level. Smells fishy to me, you know?

Think about this – had Taurasi actually been injured like everyone claims she is, you could have had her Olympic spot. SHE STOLE YOUR SPOT BY BEING A D-BAG. This should be reason enough to demand a trade should Corey Gaines and his merry band of crybaby basketball players draft you.

Now, if you end up with Washington, that’s fine. I’ll accept that. That sucked fair and square this year. I would even still buy your jersey.

If you need advice about your basketball career at all, please let me know. I have absolutely no experience in this field, but I do have opinions. Lots of them.

<3+ basketball,

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