twodolla

i enjoy nachos.

Jun
28

By

if this has to do with my student loans, i’m sorry

Category: Internets Leave a Comment

I got this email last night in my work email.

Now, for starters, I know it’s spam. But how effective of a collection technique is that!?

Crap. I wasn’t supposed to disclose this information…

Jun
27

By

i love oreo (even though i don’t like the chocolate part)

Category: Being the Mo, GLBTQ, Internets 1 Comment

Oreo posted this over the weekend and it’s absolutely the most adorable thing in the world. I don’t understand why small-minded individuals are looking at this fake cookie as something to protest about. If you boycott Oreo, you’ll need to boycott Nabisco. That means you’re going to say good bye to Chips Ahoy!, Fig Newtons, Ritz Crackers, Teddy Grahams, Triscuit, Wheat Thins, Nutter Butter, and the ultimate trashy road trip food: Chicken in a Biskit.

And oh wait just a second here. I have bad news for you, ignorant folk of ‘Merica! Nabisco is a subsidary of Kraft, which means you’ll need to clear out your cabinets of: A1 Steak Sauce, Crystal Light, Cheez Whiz, Cool Whip, CornNuts, Capri Sun, Miracle Whip, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, Jell-O, Shake ‘n Bake, Velveeta, and the best thing to wash down your nasty Chicken in a Biskit: TANG.

Here’s the thing: give us one weekend to go overboard about our own personal pride, you know? Just because a company wants to throw a little support behind us doesn’t meant they’re the devil. Go ahead and be mad at them. I know I do when I can’t put away the Double Stuff Oreos, but stop getting so crazy about a fake cookie.

Instead, you should get pissed at the Minnesota for Marriage people that think gay people should be killed. Because, you know, THAT’S ILLEGAL AND STUFF.

(I’m sorry I hate the chocolate part of Oreos. Riley eats them for me. That’s safe for a dog, right?)

Jun
26

By

i can’t quit you, soda (or pop or coke or whatever you call it)

Category: Get Healthy 1 Comment

Pretty sure I’ve posted something like this at least every few months, because it’s a damn ongoing battle for me. But damn if I can’t say no to the beckon of the Coke/Pepsi (because it has both) machine in the next room over. I’ve steered away from Mountain Dew, which I’m proud of, and now just drain the Pepsi. Mainly to make my dad proud, of course.

I keep reading these articles online about natural stimulants and pure green coffee extract and green tea and all this other jazz, and I’m absolutely up for trying it, because I know this much sugar in gullet is not good for my body and this much caffeine is not good for my head. I just need something like when smokers use nicotine gum or the patch to give me a little taste, but get me away from filling landfills with my aluminum cans.

We keep trying this all natural thing at home and we’re doing fairly well. We avoid high fructose corn syrup in everything. You know there’s HFCS in your bread, right? And I totally know it’s in soda, which is another part of my problem. We don’t buy meat at home unless we’re firing up the grill or camping. I bought pancake mix this past weekend, but only because I had no idea how to make breakfast for the five kids milling about our house without a little manufactured assistance. According to the five year old, I was doing everything just perfectly, thank you very much.

It’s about time for a grocery trip in our house, so I’m hoping we can stick to this natural, less fakey stuff again.

Jun
22

By

little creepy alien babies

Category: Baby, Internets Leave a Comment

We’ve had a lot of our friends pop out babies over the past couple of years and my favorite thing right now is to look at the ultrasounds and figure out the sex of the baby from there. I’m pretty darn good at locating a little tiny baby penis or lack thereof. I haven’t seen any of the 4D ones in person yet, but if you Click Here, you can kind of see how seriously bizarre and almost creepy they look! Newborn babies are always ugly and looking at them in 4D does not help make them cuter at all!

Jun
18

By

an afternoon in the top of iowa

Category: Family, Friends, Riley 1 Comment

On Friday and with the help of her BFF, I coordinated a bit of a surprise road trip for my ladyfriendfiance to a small town in Iowa, which turned into a pre-birthday celebration for a 5 year old and one of the most chill days I’ve had in a long, long time.

We headed down Sunday morning with Riley and June and got there around 1pm? I don’t even remember. I had kicked my shoes off and was going to take Riley for a quick walk so he could go to the bathroom and the little four year old we were there to see ran after me. What started out as a quick walk to the corner ended up being Riley, the most adorable mohawked boy in all of Iowa and I walking through half the town of less than 500 people. This was my view most of the walk.

Pretty sure Riley has about 10 pounds on this little guy, but you never would have known it the way they would run block-to-block, making sure to stop at the stop signs and waiting for me to catch up, of course. We talked about Mario and Wario and Sonic and Super Sonic and force fields and dogs and his sisters and video games. It was like I was hanging out with The Kid 10 years before I ever met him. We stopped at the city park to play in the wading pool, take care of a bloody nose, and do a bunch of different tricks so he could get his flower power before we headed back home.

He carried June around to take her on walks and made her dance and made her climb and made her chase him and it was the sweetest thing ever. He was so gentle and so sweet. But you know what’s really hard? Trying to get a tiny little boy to understand just how tiny a 13 week old puppy is. Needless to say, Junebug slept for about 10 hours straight.

I never ever ever want to live in a small town again, but I’ll totally visit this guy and his family on a regular basis.

Jun
18

By

not that i’ve ever considered it

Category: Tattoos Leave a Comment

I love my tattoos. They’re not the world’s most intricate designs or the most creative in nature, but I love them and they’re important to me. I’ve seen some tattoos that are oh-holy-crap-those-are-bad-and-I-want-to-cry-for-you and want to suggest tattoo removal. I somehow wondered across the best laser tattoo removal website I’ve ever seen in my life. “You’ve outgrown your stamp” is the funniest advertising campaign I’ve ever seen in my life for people to get rid of their tattoos.

Jun
17

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i’ve had two psychic readings in my life

Category: Misc. 2 Comments

The first one was in Phoenix, AZ. I was there for a sales conference with my employer at the time and they’d provided us with a couple of psychics to visit after they’d also provided us with copious amounts of alcohol and hot air balloon rides. It was seriously fascinating. Things I learned? I was unhappy with my professional life and there was some internal drama with my personal love life. Wouldn’t have given it a second thought if 1) I didn’t completely hate my job and 2) was so totally in the closet at that damn job.

The second time I looked into this whole psychic readings business was at the Renaissance Festival. That’s not asking for trouble, am I right? This lovely psychic lady who I actually paid to read my palms or my cards or something else I can’t even remember was so sweet. The only reason I wanted to even talk to her was because I wanted to find out if I should really go through with getting Riley or not. (See, this was back in my days of way too large commission checks that I didn’t know what to do with.) She gave me some ambiguous answer, of course, which I took to mean HEY, ADOPT THAT DOG. And so I did and it all worked out, so clearly she was right.

I would absolutely not say no to seeing someone that claims to be able to read into my future and all that stuff. I’m completely fascinated by it and I have some major questions this time around. Anybody know any psychics?

Jun
13

By

two pounds of adorable sweetness

Category: Misc. 1 Comment

This is June. Or Junebug. Or Juniper. Or Junie B. Or JB. Or, as much as I’m embarrassed to admit it, Princess. And she’s all ours.

Everyone keeps asking what kind of dog is she and how big will she get and here’s the answer: WE HAVE NO CLUE. Her mom looks like a Yorkie/Brussels Griffon mix and her dad didn’t stick around to see what their one night of uncommitted sex produced. She has five siblings and none of them looked the same, so it’s all going to be a surprise.

She’s catching onto potty training so well. She slept six hours straight last night. She’s already figured out that the couch is the place to be when all the people are home.

Riley loves her. He’s been bringing her toys to play with. Usually they’re bigger than her and he’s only dropped one on her head once, but he does love her. She’s a little nervous around him in the backyard, because he’s only 63 pounds heavier than her.

Marshall’s ambivalent. He likes to stare at her, especially while she’s sleeping. They haven’t had much interaction, but have been nose to nose a couple of times without too much drama.

All of her people love her like crazy. She fits right into our home and our family.

Welcome home, Baby June! We’ll have your welcome home party soon.

Jun
12

By

not quite a thelma and louise type road trip, but maybe close

Category: Misc. Leave a Comment

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of PA Tourism for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

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My ladyfriend fiance and I have been talking extensively about where our next vacation should be and we're really hoping to make it somewhere we've both never been before. It shouldn't be that hard. We're not that well travelled. Sigh. We're both big fans of roadtrips and most of our ideas involve visiting multiple states from the comfort of our very own sportswagon. (Tip: Roadtrip-a-Matic is way awesome and you can plan trips pretty much anywhere.)

I dig the east coast and so we've looked at New Jersey or Boston, both places I've been, love, and know people that I would love to visit again from there. But we're also thinking Philly, after good friends of ours just visited there, or New York City, and spending some quality time feeling all Sex and the City like (never seen it, so I can't go into much more detail than that) for a few days.

Looking into some different pa-roadtrips has also been somewhat exciting. I've never flown somewhere, rented a car, and just had my way around a city. I'm usually a slave to the public transit system, which I've always enjoyed, but who doesn't feel like a little adventure in some state/large city they've never visited?

There's a super nerdy little PA 101 trip that includes all the historical things that I love about the area and it's broken down into what you can actually visit each day. Totally something my little family would enjoy!

I think our plan should be to fly into some city, rent the most ridiculous car even possibly known to man (similar to the mini van we all rented in Vegas), and do some explorin'. Especially now that I have a valid driver's license again.


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Jun
4

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introducing baby june (with pictures)

Category: Family, June, Photos 5 Comments

We took The Kid and Riley to Safe Hands Rescue Meet and Greet on Saturday. The Kid hadn’t met June and the rescue organization wanted to make sure Riley wasn’t going to eat this little puppy. Good news: The Kid liked her (a lot) and Riley is pretty sweet on her, too. Our last family member to convince is Marshall, but that’ll happen in time with our fierce tiger cat who has taken to sleeping in the dog kennel as of late.

We’ll officially welcome June into our home next Sunday or Monday. She’s having her spay surgery on Thursday if she can stay above the two pound weight requirement until then. We have some shopping to do while we wait. Riley’s hand-me-downs just aren’t going to cut it. My Ladyfriendfiance is trying to convince me that June needs all pink and/or purple accessories. I’ve gotta nip that in the bud.

I read hours and hours of information about small/toy breeds last night, because I’m refusing to have a small breed puppy that yips all the time and jumps on people and acts like a fool. I did an awesome job with Riley, despite the fact that he does have his own camping chair. My plan is to make sure June is just as awesome from the get go.

We named her after June Carter Cash. She’s our little girl in all black and, much like her namesake, she can control a room full of people even if she is the tiniest thing in there. She’s part Chihuahua, part Brussels Griffon, and part something else nobody knows because her dad was a mystery man. And obviously ALL cute.

And now more pictures from Saturday and get used to them, because I’m sure they will be aplenty: