look how dangerous gay families can be

We’ve all heard it. Once gays are allowed to marry, the next thing that someone will want to do is marry their toaster or their Swiffer or the Dee-Lite crust from Papa Murphy’s. (That last thing could be just me…) Those of us with logical brains, we know that isn’t true. Those are still on that bandwagon to Crazyville, I’d like for you to see how immoral and intimidating and full of debauchery our gay family and the last few gay days have been.

Saturday: We ran gay errands to places where straight people were shopping. Looked for gay couches at a few different furniture stores. Went to Five Guys where we had really gay veggie and cheese sammiches while The Kid got every kind of meat possible on his burger. We got home and had a gay ol’ time playing Phase 10 and Canasta until it was time for bed.

Sunday: Slept in. Lounged about. Shopped for gay groceries. Had some deliciously gay chili that my gay ladyfriendfiance made with no meat in it.

Monday: I went to work. My ladyfriend fiance went to happy hour/dinner with a friend, so I played gay single parent and made baked potatoes for The Kid and I for dinner. We also purchased a couch* – probably gay, but we won’ t know until it’s delivered. I watched some gay TV, which included getting caught up on Parks & Recreation.

Tuesday: I went to work again. I had leftover pad thai, probably gay. We watched TV. We went to bed.

Wednesday: Again, work. After work, we took my gay dog (this is questionable) to Lake Harriet and enjoyed a perfect night for a walk around the lake. We stopped at Papa Murphy’s on the way home for mushroom and tomato pizza with garlic sauce. That’s REALLY gay.

Today: I’m at work. My ladyfriendfiance is waiting for our new couch to be delivered at home.

I hope you enjoyed this recap of my gay and immoral week. What you’ve read above may happen to all of society if we allow gays to marry. Hide you kids, hide your wives. No, seriously. Hide your wives; chances are I’m funnier, have better hair than you, and won’t give them that annoying razor burn you give them when you try to kiss them.

*Not a gay coach, like my original typo, albeit an awesome one, said.


  1. Holy crap! It sounds like the gay life is just like mine! Does that mean I’m gay?


    That’s it!

    When is it National Punch a Fundie Homophobe in the Face with a Brick Day, anyway?

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