this whole facebook family thing

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I hate it.

I mean, it’s cool that I can list my parents and my brother and my cousins and aunts and uncles and all that crap, but let’s talk about other family members that are totally not included!

So, Mr. Mark Zuckerburg, since I know you read my blog daily if not hourly, I present to you the following ideas of which should be added on the popular social media site known as Book Face:

1. The Kid. He’s not technically mine. And sometimes I think he’d like to tell me that when I tell him that he has to stop watching Dr. Who on Instant Netflix, but he doesn’t. He has a dad and a mom, though, so I don’t really feel comfortable calling him my kid. Although I do most of the time. I get son, daughter, those kinds of things, but if you could add one that says: “As Close To My Kid As Possible Without Taking Part In Legal Adoption”, I think that’d be perfect for me.

2. My Brother’s Girlfriend. Let’s just hypothetically say that now that he has a super awesome girlfriend (that part’s not hypothetical) who I already consider family, he ends up marrying her. I would like to say she’s part of my family, but Facebook does not allow it. HOW DARE THEY. How am I suppose to let people know that I have a Sister-in-Law? Now, several years ago, I would not have claimed to having a sister-in-law should my brother gotten married, but times (and the person in the role) have changed and I need some Facebook formality for that. Think about that one, Zuckerburg.

3. WHAT ABOUT MY DOGS? Facebook needs to expand that. While Riley and Kentucky do have a fan page, I’d totally set each of them up with their own little Facebook profile if I could list them as my dog. Because, c’mon, just because I call them (and Marshall) my dog (and cat) sons, doesn’t mean I know for all of the internet to know that. And having them on Facebook isn’t NEARLY as obsessive as having them on Dogster… don’t Google that if you don’t want to get sucked into adorable dog pictures and adorable dog biographies.

Call me, Mark. We can talk more and you can hook me up with some commission of some sort. And we can also talk about why you keep putting Wedding Fair ads when I’m trying to Facebook-stalk people. Wedding Fair? Really? Even if I did dream of a pretty pretty princess wedding, you’d have to hogtie me and drag me to a damn Wedding Fair.