I just took a poll on ESPN’s website asking me which team will win Game 4 of the ALCS. I packed the Rangers. Then again, I would pick a ziploc bag full of bird poop over the Yankees. But it makes me happy to see that all of America (except New York, New Jersey, and some little rectangle state) feels the same way.
The red states below have chosen the Rangers to win tonight; the blue states are Yankees fans and also like to punch small babies.
Also: SUCK IT, JEETS. YOU’RE A GIANT VAGINA.