i guess my nra membership is null and void

The other day I was at work and my cell phone rang. I normally ignore it, because, you know, I’m working and if I don’t recognize your number, you can leave a message. But it was a weird area code that I didn’t recognize and I was all alone in the office, so I answered it.

“Is this Wendy?”

“Yeah, it is. How can I help you?”

“This is Gary, your fellow NRA member calling.”

(Note: I joined the NRA once because it was free and I had too much time on my hands. It was hilarious for about 45 seconds and then that’s when they started sending me shit in the mail at least once a week.)

“Well, hi, Gary. What’s up?”

“Your membership is about to expire.”

“Good,” I said, because I was crabby anyway that day.

“Good? Did you know that President Obama is trying to pass a law that will outlaw semi-automatic guns?”



“Yeah, I mean, I think semi-automatic guns are actually kind of stupid.”

… Gary is silent.

“So how do I renew?”

And then he hung up on me. I WIN.

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