We went to the Lynx/Mercury game tonight. I wanted to see Taurasi play… even though I can’t stand her. She’s the whiniest player in the WNBA. I’ve never seen her play a game where she hasn’t thrown herself onto the floor in some fashion to try to get the foul call or throw her hands up in disgust when she misses a shot and wants to blame someone else for it.
Last year, when the Phoenix Mercury were in town, I wound up with tickets from work, where I was supposed to be schmoozing a client. As luck would have it, she was a fan of the WNBA (if you know what I mean), so we spent the time heckling Taurasi from five rows from the court.
I don’t know if her ponytail is too tight or her socks pulled up to her knees might somehow be cutting off circulation to the rest of her body, but holy cow, is she cranky! The thing that frustrates me most? She’s SO. DAMN. GOOD. And yet all of her belly-achin’, tantrum-throwin’, stomping around because she’s pissed off at the world tends to distract from that. If a team can manage to make her mad enough to take her out of her zone, they’ll win. And that’s how the sorry team that the Lynx have right now was able to pull out a victory tonight.
I’d like to propose a little plan to keep this crybaby in check. It’s pretty simple. It’s called time out. She’s 27, so according to SuperNanny, she should get a 27 minute timeout. When she’s all said and done, she’s supposed to say she’s sorry for what she’s done. And then gets hugs and kisses, but ain’t nobody in the league dumb enough to do that to this crazybox.
So until I become commissioner of the WNBA or at least head coach of the Phoenix Mercury (I don’t even know who you are, Corey Gaines!), I’ll just continue to do my part in helping Diana reign in her sudden outbursts if jackass behavior. And I’ll do that by yelling her name repeatedly throughout the entire game anytime she’s close enough to hear me.
And I’ll call her a crybaby and laugh really hard when the folks at the Target Center play “Big Girls Don’t Cry” just after she gets called for a technical foul.