Jun
30
Jun
30
The General and I went to dinner last night to celebrate her birthday. I won’t name the restaurant right now, because I don’t want everyone to be all crazy about it. But I’m kinda thinking we both got some food poisoning. Except, really, I don’t know what the symptoms are. I mean, I read the internet and all that, but WebMD once told me I had a brain tumor because my eye was twitching, so Dr. Google and I aren’t really on the same level.
I was ill last night a few hours after we got home and hadn’t eaten anything else until just now… and I can already feel my stomach starting to feel like there’s some midget ultimate fighting going on in there. And I don’t like it.
Are we really just pansies and can’t handle really well made food? Or did we possibly get a little salmonella/ecoli/shigella or whatever? I just want to know how nasty of a letter I need to write to this place, because we also had a really crappy (no pun intended with the current subject matter at hand!) server that I wanted to complain about.
BUT THE FOOD WAS REALLY GOOD.
Jun
29
My boss and I just tracked a dollar on wheresgeorge.com. Apparently we’re both in “hey, let’s just fuck with people because we’re dicks” mode, because we said this on our submittal:
Let’s just say this. I’m a lady of the street and have done some fantastic things with this dollar. It’s had some exciting times.
Crazy thing? This bill has travelled 4.4 Miles in 1 Yr, 281 Days, 11 Hrs, 49 Mins at an average of 0.01 Miles per day. It is now 4.4 Miles from its starting location. It was originally logged on September 21, 2008 in St. Paul!
In any case, I can’t wait until the dude logs in and sees that his dollar has been logged by a lady of the street. I would feel sorry for him, but I googled his username and found out he’s one of the creepy dudes that favorites everyone’s butt pictures on Flickr. So he kinda deserves to have inaccurate data on his Where’s George dollars. AM I RIGHT OR WHAT?
Jun
28
Start date: Sunday, June 27, 2010
Finish Date: Sunday, March 24, 2013
Thanks to my buddy Dan documenting his success on his 101 things to do in 1001 days, I’ve decided to take on this behemoth project as well. Plus, I like lists. I usually don’t get anything done that’s on my list, but it’ll be worth a shot. Breaking them down into categories was almost as hard as the actual list itself!
That’s a lot of stuff to do.
Jun
25
Kentucky and Blanche, originally uploaded by twodolla.
Named after Rue McClanahan’s character on Golden Girls, of course. The five year old neighbor boy said she looked like a Lisa, but we vetoed that right away.
She’s an 8 week old Dachshund mix of some sort and, holy buckets of puppies, she is cute. She’s also very sweet, obviously gets along well with other dogs, and guess what? She needs a forever home. Just sayin’. More pictures of Blanche can be found right here.
P.S. I’ve also been spelling Dachshund wrong all day today.
Jun
24
This started to be a Twitter, but it got way past the 140 character mark.
This morning, my phone started saying “Insert SIM Card” at the top and giving me an SOS symbol indicating I couldn’t take/make calls or send/receive text messages. Huh. Guess it’s a good thing I have Sudoku on my phone, since that’s the only thing it’s good for right now.
I tend to use T-Mobile’s online support, because I can do it during work and I can also reboot my phone when they need me to, whereas I can’t do that when I call them on my phone. Assuming it’s working, right?
We bought Blackberry Flips about a year ago, when they first came out. At first, we loved them. A lot. But it didn’t take too long before they started to take a turn for the worst. The General’s display probably takes 30 seconds after you open the phone to actually light up. Someone in a T-Mobile store tried telling us that that’s how all the Blackberry Flips were. Except mine doesn’t do that at all.
Then, the same person told us that they stopped making Blackberry Flips because they turned into basically piles of crap. Yeah, great. Thanks for that. Guess who still has another year left before they qualify for a full discount on a new phone, even though T-Mobile admits to selling a crap phone? That’d be The General.
Seems that when we upgraded to our Blackberries, they forgot to mark something in my file, making me eligible for the full discount. So while I can get a full discount (due to their error), they just expect The General to use a Sudoku machine as a phone for the next year before getting the full discount. It doesn’t make any sense at all to me and it irritates the bejeezus out of me.
So tonight will be a trip to a T-Mobile store so I can get a new SIM card and The General can see what kind of phone she wants to upgrade to. It was going to be a birthday surprise, but it needed to involve some discussion so no more surprise for that one!
Jun
21
KDWB’s annual ladies-only Booty Cruise got a little catty this year on the St. Croix River. Police were called to the boat in Stillwater Thursday night after a fight broke out between a bunch of the booty-shaking women in attendance… Five women were cited for disorderly conduct, but no one was arrested. Witnesses said some ladies had cuts and bruises, but nothing more serious. (via City Pages)
First off, hey, it’s called a Booty Cruise. If five disorderly conducts are all that come from that type of thing, color me impressed. I have an inkling of an idea that there may have been some other various diseases passed along, but that’s just me being judgmental after looking at the pictures. Be warned. I’m not looking at them, but my boss did — they’re not so much work appropriate unless your work gives a thumbs up to pictures involving womens legs thrown up in the air with a oiled up man wearing a cowboy hat rubbing his junk all over her.
Second off, what, if anything at all, is attractive or enticing about being stuck on a boat in the middle of a river with a bunch of screaming women that have all won tickets to a boat full of strippers by calling into a radio station?
This is my favorite quote from one article:
A representative of the boat’s operating company said the fight was “something about a shoe” but had no other details. (via PiPress)
Class.
Jun
21
Along with about 2908 other things I did while home in Missouri, my brother measured my pupillary distance. It’s not as hard as it sounds really. It took a ruler and about 15 seconds.Pupillary distance, by the way, isn’t as dirty as one would think. It’s just measuring the distance between the centers of your pupils. I highly recommend asking someone like my brother to do it, who’s the kind of guy that will measure something 563 times just to make sure it’s right.
Several months ago, my little bro started ordering every pair of eyeglasses that would even remotely fit his melon from Zenni Optical. I’m pretty sure he has a around 9 pair, which include some argyle ones and a pair he wears just when he goes to art gallery openings (along with a newsboy cap) that he says makes him look artsy.
This morning, since I woke up a whole two minutes before the alarm went off, I ran across a couple of articles/message boards that talk about how professionals in the optical world are refusing to give out or measure the pupillary distance so people can order glasses online. I guess I get that, since it’s definitely losing money for them. I’m just concerned that it will cause people to be discouraged about being able to order glasses online and they shouldn’t have to deal with that. The internet is all about saving money, right?
And mainly I just like saying pupillary distance. Pupillary.
Jun
19
Here’s the cool thing about having a kid. Or, you know, a step-ish kid.
He got an iPod Touch for his birthday, which he plays with in some fashion from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed, with at least one or two battery charges throughout the day. We downloaded a Connect Four app that we can both use at the same time and play each other. Never mind we have the same game in tangible format in our game cabinet. This is obviously way cooler.
We just played a game with high stakes. Loser has to take a load of laundry down. Now, I won. Naturally. My grandpa never let me win at checkers, even when I was five years old, and that’s one thing I’ll never forget. Granted, he’s 13 and probably has the ability to beat me at Connect Four, but I’ve been training for a long time. Since fourth grade to be exact.
In my days at Horace Mann Elementary School, if the weather was inclement in any fashion (rain, snow, heat, etc.), we would have recess indoors. Sometimes it meant in the gym, sometimes it meant in the classroom. When we were stuck in the classroom, we played board games. I regularly challenged my art teacher (who was later fired, but I can’t remember for the life of me way, although I’m pretty sure it had something to do with looking down girls shirts and finding booze in his desk drawer) to Connect Four and made it my mission to slaughter him regularly. Quite a lofty goal for a 9/10 year old, but one I achieved after a lot of practice.
Eventually, the weather cleared up and we got to resume recess outside. I don’t think the art teacher held any hard feelings for me, because he never sent me to the principal’s office when I beat people up. We clearly must have bonded.
In 45 minutes, after the load of laundry is ready to be swapped out, we’re having a rematch. Little does The Kid know he’s going to be doing laundry All. Night. Long.
Jun
18
I decided to take a break from my Friday night Facebook Family Feud playing to catch up on the news. And by catch up on the new, I mean read everyone else’s Facebook status. This is my Friday night! And I’m okay with that!
Steve Horner, a guy who used to live in the Twin Cities, is in the news for trying to get a ban put on Ladies Nights at varying bars around the area. Why? Because he’s a douche. That’s the short answer.
He was living last summer in North Mankato when friends alerted him to an article listing dozens of ladies’ nights in the Twin Cities. He randomly called five bars from the list and asked if he could get their ladies’ night discounts. Each said no. He filed complaints. (via StarTrib)
This isn’t the first time he’s done it. In the 90s, he filed a suit against a now defunct bar at the Mall of America and got a few thousand bucks off the deal. The same dude also filed a suit against the Hooters at the Mall of America when they wouldn’t hire him as a server. AT HOOTERS. You know want to see? This dude in a Hooters uniform:
I’d gladly tip him… just as long as he was as nice as the Hooters servers and didn’t mind when other dudes threw things on the floor for him to bend over and pick up.
Here’s the thing about this guy. In the reports he files in Minnesota and Colorado, which is where he apparently lives now, he says things like “she was nothing more than a bitch with balls” about his past attorneys and has called a Denver judge a “pussy-whipped farthead“. In trials, he’s compared himself to people like Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr.
Tweed Jacket Jackson here has pending lawsuits against five bars in the Twin Cities that are currently being reviewed by the Minnesota Department of Human Rights, all because these bars (none of which I’d step foot in without running the risk of getting roofied) wouldn’t serve him whatever the ladies night special was.
I can’t speak for all the dudes I know, but I’m going to go out on a limb here. Dudes will gladly pay full cover or full price at the bar to see three or four scantily clad ladies all drinking something called a Train Wreck out of the same glass – with some bendy straws, of course – that they ended up getting for half price just because they have boobs. Ladies Night, I’m pretty sure, is equally if not more entertaining for the guys than it is the women that flock to the bars for cheap drinks.
In conclusion, Steve Horner is a farthead.*
*Why don’t we say farthead more often?
