there’s gonna be one less lonely girl

I was oblivious to this Justin Bieber kid until a few weeks ago. We were talking about him at work, but I still didn’t understand who he was or what he did or how many tween girls wanted to right Mrs. Ashleigh Bieber on their Trapper Keepers. (I know Trapper Keepers aren’t around anymore. Hush.) And then I just found out — like two seconds ago — that he did a song with Ludacris.

You know Ludacris, right? He says things like:

  • I wanna, li-li-li-lick you from yo’ head to yo’ toesAnd I wanna, move from the bed down to the down to the to the flo’Then I wanna, ahh ahh – you make it so good I don’t wanna leave.
  • Now who’s that bucked-naked cook fixin three-course meals?Gettin goosebumps when her body tap the six inch heelsWhat in the world is in that ROOM, what you got in that ROOM?A couple a gats, a couple a knives, a couple of rats, a couple of wives

Dude was in really scary thuggish movies like Hustle & Flow and 2 Fast 2 Furious, right? He’s hardcore!

And then he GUEST RAPS WITH JUSTIN BIEBER. I peed myself a little and was kinda mad I sat through all of this little Twat Nugget’s video before I got to watch Luda rap with a G-RATING. And then he puts Justin Bieber in a headlock at the end. Oh, that’s so cute.  Coochie coochie coo.

Really. Watch it. Right here. Do it.

And then you know what happened? I watched another Justin Bieber video. And it had Usher in it. And Justin Bieber had an iPhone. And then I watched another Justin Bieber video and there were puppies in the video.

And I swear to God, if I watch one more Justin Bieber video tonight, I’m totally writing Wendy Bieber on my notepad at work tomorrow. And that can’t really go over well.

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