where i tell espn to suck it

I got the following email from ESPN yesterday:

I don’t think I should have to list the reasons why it makes me want to punch babies (that’s my latest thing when I get mad), but it’s your lucky day, because I’m in a sharing mood.

The subject line of this email: Valentine’s Special — Give Your Guy ESPN The Magazine. Well, guess who has two thumbs and a subscription to ESPN Magazine that just happened to conveniently run out? This girl. GIRL. (I can show proof, if you need it.)

The body of the email: Give the perfect present to all the guys on your Valentine’s Day shopping list, and they’ll thank you the whole year round. While I appreciate the suggestion, the only guys on my Valentine’s Day shopping list would be my dad (sports history = playing church softball when I was a baby), my brother (sports history = middle school soccer and basketball until he blew his knee out), and The Kid (sports history = going to WNBA games with me a few times a year). And, really, ESPN, the idea of any of them thanking me year round creeps me out the slightest little bit, because I have a dirty, dirty mind.

As much as I would like to swear off anything ESPN related, let’s be serious here.

1. I suck at boycotting anything.
2. I love sports too much.
3. I don’t know what I’d do without ESPN – Streak for the Cash… even though I’m sucking wind with it right now.

Point of the story: I’m mad at you, ESPN, and I’m not renewing my subscription to your crummy ol’ magazine now. I guess you’ll have to live with without my $14.97/month.

Posted via web from twodolla’s posterous.