the things about facebook

Don’t get me wrong. I love Facebook a lot. Like really a whole lot, I promise. But here are the things I don’t like (or more accurately loathe) about the Book of the Face:

  • The atrocious spelling and grammar. I know I spell things wrong and maybe don’t always use the most accurate form of verbs 100% of the time. But you know what I always do? Spell words out. There’s nothing like seeing people I graduated with (making them over 30 years old) replacing the word to with 2, four with 4, and you with u. This is reserved for 12 year olds! (Keep in mind if my 12 year old tried to pull that, I’d make him redo it. About 298 times.)
  • It’s great that you love Jesus (or Buddha or Captain Zolton or whoever you want to invest your religious beliefs in — I don’t care), but when I see things that say “Let’s see how many people aren’t afraid to show their love for God!” on your Facebook status, I want to punch you. In the grand scheme of religion, everyone considers the object of their religious belief GOD, so everyone can repost that. And then won’t you feel lke an ass??
  • No, I will not be a fan of your three piece jazz band or your TV show that you starred in once or your recreational mini golf team. I’m not really a fan of any of those things that you do, so why should I pretend I am on the ‘book. Know what I mean? I probably asked you to be a fan of my dogs or my work, but only if I know you and know you don’t mind me spamming you with shit like that.
  • I also don’t want to be invited to your part that’s in a state 800 miles a way on a regular basis. If I haven’t seen you in 10+ years, I don’t want to come to your stupid candle-selling party. Suck it, Ponzi. I’m not interested.

There are more, but I have Mafia Wars to tend to and some new Cafe World thing I have to see about. And then I need to probably play Bejeweled.


  1. I made a crack about how if you were over the age of 16, you don’t need to use 88 exclamation points to express yourself and you would have thought I had personally punched every person that’s my facebook “friend” in the throat. There was an uproar.

    I’m with you on all of the above. Do you think people realize they’re being annoying and look dumb when they write like a the title of a Prince song?

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