look i have books

Upon my return from the wilderness near the St. Croix River, I had to work for a couple of hours. I talked The General to going with me witih plans to hit the thrift store afterwards. Sure enough, I had too much shit to clean up at work and didn’t get done until the thrift store we were planning on visiting was closed. So, I offered the next best thing – a trip to Half Price Books in the Highland Park area of St. Paul to visit their clearance basement. As it turns out, when we got there, not only did they have a clearance basement, then had a CLEARANCE TENT SALE IN THEIR PARKING LOT. You could get a grocery sized bag of books for $5 or a box (the size of an apple box) of books for $10. UH, SOLD.

Somehow I, the non-reader in the relationship, wound up with more books than the one that reads a book a week. I’m not sure how that worked out and I didn’t even notice it until I was busy unpacking them just a bit ago. After visiting the clearance tent sale, we followed it up with a trip to the Clearance Basement where we found some more reading material we couldn’t live without. We spent a total of $21.50, walking out with 20 books to read, a journal for The General, and a book for The Boy. Not a bad day’s work.

And because it’s hilarious, here’s the list of books I wound up with:

  1. Why Do Men Have Nipples?: Hundreds of Questions You’d Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini – The General found this for me.
  2. Jailhouse Stories: Memories of a Small-Town Sheriff – I can’t help it. I always love jail/crime true stories… and have since I was 8.
  3. Family Outing: A Guide to the Coming-Out Process for Gays, Lesbians, & Their Families – Written prior to Chaz’s recent media blitz, of course.
  4. Dick for a Day: What Would You Do If You Had One? – C’mon. Like you’ve never thought about it, ladies?
  5. Ms. Thang’s Guide to Fly – Again, c’mon, like you’ve never thought about it?
  6. One of a Kind: The Rise and Fall of Stuey ‘,The Kid’, Ungar, The World’s Greatest Poker Player – I also love Vegas books. A lot. Because one day I aspire to be a champion poker player and/or card counter. Or perhaps just a show girl.
  7. The Book of Mormon – Another Testament of Jesus Christ – I know you can get it free from calling the 1-800-MORMON number, but I don’t want to get on those dudes’ mailing list.
  8. So You Want to Be a Lesbian? – What? It looks hilarious from the cover alone!
  9. Tattoo Blues – I grabbed this just as the tent was closing, but on the jacket sleeve it talks about having a tattoo that means “too much hot sauce”.
  10. Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America – Another suggestion made by The General.
  11. Tomboys!: Tales of Dyke Derring-Do – The back cover basically describes my childhood, so I had to get it.
  12. I Love This Game!: My Life and Baseball – I live in Minnesota now. I think, by Twins Fan Law, I have to read this.
  13. Dry: A Memoir – I loved Running with Scissors and have been meaning to read this one anyway. Hard to pass up for $2!
  14. The Games Do Count: America’s Best and Brightest on the Power of Sports – The cover shows Condoleezza Rice in Pairs Ice Skating and James Brown in a basketball uniform. SOLD.

I haven’t read 14 books in the last two years, so I’m not too sure what I was thinking. And that doesn’t begin to touch the stack of “work-related” books I have sitting on my nightstand that include things like “How to Not Be Douche at Work” and “How to Sell Everything to Everyone”. Or at least titles close to those.

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