Before I started my current job, I’m pretty sure I had the ugliest resume known to man. I have a feeling I was using some type of Microsoft Word template, probably complete with fancy stationary on the side or something. I do know it was not fancy at all. Then the axe came down on my lame sales job and I was on the job hunt again. Someone from the internet, and I can’t remember exactly who and I’m sorry for that, redid my resume, and it was very adorable and exciting. Point being? I didn’t know my resume from my own ass six months ago.
And now? I spend half my days redoing peoples’ resumes. And you know what happens? They get jobs, much in part because of my thoughtful work describing their past work history. I take four pages resumes (yes, I’m serious) and condense them down, leaving out stupid things that people are really proud of. (Note: Future employers do not want to see that you were an Ear Piericing Specialist at Claire’s for three months or that you work part-time as a Sandwich Artist for Subway. They also don’t care that your hobbies include: “reading, spending time with my family, and horseback riding”. These things will not get you hired. Trust me.)
I should get paid for this. Oh wait. I guess I do.