two dolla

irritated by small town life

I watched the video below (via Erica) today on two occasions: once without sound and once with. Without sound, I immediately noticed the familiar sight of the “Sunset Motel” from my many years and now many visits to my hometown of Sedalia, Missouri.

And then I watched the video:

America Is F*cked…….(Graphically at least) from Jess Gibson on Vimeo.

And now I’m in love with this guy. He buys a sign off eBay while drunk, takes a three day drive to Sedalia, hires a sign company to take it apart, and then becomes insanely angry. And for good reason.

Impact Sign, the place that came up with the shitty logo that involves some “fancy gradients” and a color scheme from Miami Vice, is a company that, as far as I know, has put up some pretty shitty signs. According to their website, they’ve put up signs for places like Big Lots and Culligan water, but we all know some tiny ass company in the middle of Missouri didn’t come up with the original designs of those particular signs. They also design fancy things like stock car stickers and ridiculously ugly decorations to put on your farm trucks. But you know what my favorite is? This one:

That’s some fancy shit right there. I’m going to make it my personal mission to find this large hunk of shit when I go home for Thanksgiving. Then I’m going to take a picture of it and quite possibly pee on it.

happy housewarming, hosers

Jenni and Matt are moving into their new place next weekend to make their living in sin completely official. The General and I have been recruited to help (and I pretty much owe Jenni for two moves anyway, so I’m completely indebted to help haul things around Minneapolis for a weekend). And since they’re moving, I figure I owe them some type of Housewarming Gift, right? That’s where you’re wrong. It’s that time of year where they’re getting halloween gifts. That’s the right thing to do.

To me, nothing says “hello”, “congrats on your new house”, and “LOVE YOU GUYS” quite like a scarecrow with a pretty straw hat. Oh, you guys will thank me later. I’m certain of it.

is it november 5th yet?

There shouldn’t be any doubt that I’m planning on voting for Obama/Biden in November. Not only would I never talk to myself again if I voted for a McCain/Dumbass ticket, but my grandpa would probably disown me. Most of the people in my department at work are of the same belief, except for our Admin. Great fantastic guy that I love dearly, except he’s a Republican (and also from Arizona, so he’s especially McCain-loyal).

Today, the person that works at the front desk got a phone call that with something like this:

Front Desk Person: “Blah blah blah. Can I help you?”
Person the Phone: “Hi, this is the Republican National Committee.”
Front Desk Phone (most certainly not a fan of any committee that starts with the word Republican): “Oh, really?”
Person the Phone: “Did you know Barack Obama is a terrorist?”
Front Desk Phone: “Thanks for calling” and that was the end of that call.

Now we all know it wasn’t Republican National Committee. They may be a bunch of crazies I don’t agree with, but I don’t think they’d stoop that low. And it just sucks that this election has turned into a situation where individuals (or small politically unsponsored groups) are taking it upon themselves to encourage the mudslinging and the namecalling.

I’m pretty much ready for this election to be over.

Auntie needs to find a gift!

I’ve been trying to plan my gift purchase for when the Pitt/Jolie clan finally manages to birth the mesiah.  Of course, we all know that money is tight all around, so a silver plated bust of myself is out of the question.  I’m sure those kids get every last thing they could ever want, and FAO Shwartz most likely makes weekly deliveries to the villa.  But I want to make sure the next Maddox/Zaharrah/Shiloh/Maddox/Pax/Knox/Vivienne/Jesus has something very memorable to keep their Auntie TwoDolla in mind.

To make sure that I get my gift in before anyone else, I think I may send a gift certificate for cord blood banking as soon as possible so that it arrives before Angie gets her two blue lines.  It seems Cyro-Cell has some pretty spectacular current offers. Doesn’t seem like it is too creepy of a gift idea for a woman who used to carry her boyfriend’s blood in a vial around her neck, does it?

From the looks of the website though, cord blood banking doesn’t look like that horrible an idea.  It can be used in the future by the kid to treat any number of diseases.  But with the perfect genetic makeup of any biological offspring of Pitt/Jolie, I doubt they’ll ever need it.