suddenly i want to go into a church

For the past two years, I’ve had some stellar Halloween Costumes.

2006? Shocker Man. A completely original costume, complete with swim cap, knee pads, and bright yellow goggles. It was award winning AND I raked leaves while wearing it… and holding the rake upside down, but that had nothing to do with the alcohol intake of the evening.

2007? Kevin Federline. I wanted to go dressed at Kanye West, but I’d just gotten laid off and couldn’t buy shiny white tennis shoes. Plus, it gave me the opportunity to carry a plastic baby doll purchased at the thrift store around in a plastic Taco Bell bag for a while. Then we popped the head off of the baby and drank out of it. That had nothing to do with any amount of alcohol intake either.

This year, I’m kinda stuck. First of all, I don’t really have a Halloween party planned where costumes are required and/or suggested. And secondly, I spend all day using my creative powers to find people jobs and convince employers to hire them.

I found one costume online that I can’t stop laughing about. It’s a Plus Size Jesus costume:

Nothing says Happy Halloween and let’s all celebrate this horrible Satan-influenced holiday like Plus Sized Jesus. I wish they had Plus Size BABY Jesus, and then I’d know, without one single hesitation, what I’d want to be for Halloween.

What's up?