two dolla

more of an implosion, i guess

Back about seven or eight years ago, there was the diet pill out on the market that was later banned… probably because someone’s heart exploded from taking it, if I had to guess. My friend Angie and I worked together at the time, so we were taking this pill. I mean, why not? You could buy it in the store, so surely it was okay. We didn’t know about any FDA warnings and if we did, we were certain they would really apply to us… especially when we were washing down our daily dose of this stuff with Mountain Dew. Long story short, we stopped popping these horse pill replicas shortly after we read about someone dying from them. We were smart like that.

Ever since then, I’ve never really had the desire to pick up a bottle of pills with the intent of losing weight by them. Are there safe diet pills out there? I’m sure there are and I’m sure they work just fine for some people, especially those people that can remember to take a pill. We have daily vitamins, iron, and flax seed oil, if I remember. And I can’t even remember the last time I’ve taken any of those. Now ideally, those would be perfect supplements to A) getting healthy and B) losing weight as a result of being healthier, but someone (namely) me can’t take the pills on a regular basis for the life of me.

One thing hasn’t changed. I’d still probably wash down a handful of pills with Mountain Dew, given the chance.

treats of champions

Last week, my team at work did something really great. Without going into details (because, you know, I’m so anonymous and shit), I can say that we doubled some expectations that were loosely set for us. As a reward, the President promised there would be treats the next day. And somehow, I was appointed (by the President) to ask about said treats if I didn’t see them first thing in the morning.

Well, I didn’t see them, and I also didn’t remember to remind anyone about them.  I’m thinking the team can go without a bag of M&Ms or mini Butterfinger bars… or at least I knew I could. The afternoon rolls around in walks the President from a shopping spree. Out of at least four plastic shopping bags come the following:

• Cool Ranch Doritos
• Double Stuff Oreos
• a large bag of peanuts (in the shell)
• Twizzlers
• Old Dutch Pretzels
• Fisher’s Pizza Balls
• bite size Snickers
• Sour Skittles
• Chicken in a Biskit (oh, I spelled that right)
• Strawberry and cream swirly hard candies

And I know there are more that I just can’t think of.

I’m not talking little tiny one serving bags (or boxes depending) of this stuff. I’m talking, this lady went to the grocery story and probably said to the bagging boy, “Go find me the most ghetto-like snacks you can possibly think of and super size them for me while you’re at it”.

The pay may not be where I was at my last job, but I never got Chicken in a Biskit at my last job either.