If I had a category called “last night at the bar”, it’d probably be the most heavily used category, and also the one that didn’t make any sense to anyone else but me. And whoever else was at the bar last night. But some stories, like this one, just need to be shared.
Happy Hour started at 3:30 last night, and we chased Happy Hours all over the metro area before ending our evening at Bennigan’s in St. Louis Park. It was pretty dead when we got there, so Jenni, Matt, and I played a couple of rounds of darts while partaking in the 2-for-1 glory.
We started to leave Bennigan’s (which we often call Beginagains for reasons I can’t fully remember) and the three of us thought it best to pee first. Matt headed into the boys bathroom, which, you know, is what he’s supposed to do. And some lady started to follow him in. Jenni and I politely let her know that she didn’t have a dick, so she probably shouldn’t go in there. (Seriously, we were polite about it!)
She and her friend, both at least ten years older than Jenni or I, filed into the middle two stalls, mumbling only semi-cohesively about having or not having a dick. There was someone in the last stall, and because I’m a giver, Jenni went ahead into the first stall. Eventually, the bathroom would have looked like this:
I’m not entirely sure of their names, but I think those might be close.
Jenni and I? We were just minding our own business while emptying our bladder. Cranky or maybe Bitchy got done peeing first, and was probably standing at the mirror applying her 83rd layer of blush. Jenni and I may have been laughing uncontrollably in our opposite stalls, because that’s just what we do.
And whichever cougar was still peeing, yells “Oh great! I’m out of toiler paper!” or something like that. I think that caused us to start laughing even harder, because we’re known to throw toilet paper over the walls at each other, and the thought of doing it to an absolute stranger was causing severe abdominal pain from laughing so hard. But also, we didn’t have enough toilet paper to share either!
By the time I got done, these two ladies were standing at the sinks washing their hands. I came out and they looked at me, so I did the head nod/”how’s it goin’?” thing and started to practice good hygiene. That’s when these two got retarded!
The one that needed the toilet paper was talking about how most people would just pass the toilet paper like they were supposed to and the other crotchety one started accusing us of getting in on in the bathroom. Um. What? So, instead of opening my mouth and getting in too deep, I just left. And I didn’t realize until I’d went outside, that I’d left a man behind! Oh no!
I hightailed it back into the ladies room to find it completely empty – no hussies and no Jenni. I was worried! And then I realized Jenni was still in the stall, hiding from those stupid broads! And, honestly, that was probably a good idea.
We managed to leave Beginagain’s unscathed and with stories to tell, and that, my friends, is a fine evening.