Remember how I got fired last year? A key character I forgot to mention in my brief stories of how it all went down was the HR Lady. I wish I could come up with a more creative name for her besides Absolutely Worthless Piece of Shit, but I can’t. So HR Lady it is.
Long, long story short: I met with HR Lady prior to getting the ax, and went into detail on how I thought DICKFACE, my previous manager, was not treating me fairly and holding me to ridiculous standards. If ever there was a time where I lost all faith in any kind of Human Resources department, it was right then and there. It was obvious she had no ounce of caring in her frail little body about it and didn’t even try to fool me into thinking that she’d look into the discriminatory situation I felt like I was in.
Then, the day I got fired had my employment terminated, she escorted me from her office back to my cube, where I could get my things (that I’d already packed up weeks prior) and walked me to the door. I was instructed not to talk to anyone and she watched me pack everything up that was laying on my desk to make sure I didn’t steal anything. She’s all of 5’3″ and maybe 120 lbs soaking wet. Had I wanted to bust into a violent rage and throw office supplies at everyone, there’s no way she could have stopped me.
So, today, I meet with my old Work BFF™ for lunch, and guess who’s right in front of us in line? STUPID HR LADY. She said hi to my Work BFF™ and then saw me, and waved. Really, stupid ass, you wanna be friends now? I gave her my best fake smile and nod, and then thought about hugging her. Either until she stopped breathing or hugging her with my fists, as Phil so eloquently suggested.
The best part, though? After she saw me and was all disgustingly nice to me, she turned back around and was clearly nervous. She was rocking back and forth on her feet and was visibly uncomfortable – which made my soft tacos all the more enjoyable.
Bonus material: One of the guys in this picture? Totally DICKFACE’s boss. It doesn’t matter which one, because they’re all tools. Sometimes, directors of sales departments shouldn’t have public MySpace profiles. Just sayin’.