out with the old

Including the dead mouse I found last week, I’ve thrown away a metric shitload of things I’ve been hanging on to for no reason whatsoever. I don’t know why I didn’t do this two years ago when I moved into this apartment, but I can only guess it’s because at the time, I needed the STUFF. My current place has a second bedroom, which quickly morphed into a storage room that only saw my attention when I needed to find a new pair of sneakers or figure out where my extra keyboard was.

By eliminating approximately 75% of what was in my spare bedroom, I figure it’s going to be quite a bit easier to make my friends not hate me on Saturday when they help me move. And if you (yes, you!) aren’t doing anything, consider this your cordial invitation to join in on the moving fun! It’s not going to be as bad as I had originally thought it might be, but there’s still plenty of stuff for EVERYONE to take a load or two into my new place.

You’ll be happy to know you don’t have to move the following, because I’ve thrown it away this morning:

  • The box to my cell phone three phones ago.
  • A Precious Moments coloring book
  • three brown leather woven belts
  • every single ugly piece of marketing paraphernalia that my former employer thought was a good idea
  • the stolen giant plastic KDWB banner I thought I needed
  • 80,000 pairs of socks, all white
  • an Alaskan license plate (stolen, not by me)

I had to keep my collection of fishing hats and my commemorative plastic Space Jam plate, featuring Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny. My kid whose middle name will be Jordan will want that when he/she is four. Or that child will be disowned. Just sayin’.


  1. Alas, it is a very long drive to Minnesota. I would have to start now. I could fly, but I think the flights would be very expensive with short notice. Otherwise, I would be very happy to come help you move the other 20,000 socks I know you saved.

    Let me know your new address when you are officially moved in. I have a housewarming gift for you! (Zuly)

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