two dolla

i have a dirty urethra

If you don’t like reading about things like urine and infections, I’d highly recommend you stop reading riiiight about now.

In my all my life, I’ve had maybe four UTIs – once when I was just out of high school and at my grandparents’ cabin with a friend of mine, once during The 2006 3 Day (where I was in urgent care getting IVs), once about three months ago, and once RIGHT NOW. I know it’s from sticking dirty things in my bagina. I have no idea why all of a sudden bacteria likes to hang out in my urethra, but it gets old pretty quick.

Today, after a lot of prodding from Jenni and knowing that it’d be in my best interest to just fork over the cash, I headed to MinuteClinic where I paid $59 to pee in a cup and get diagnosed with something I knew I already had. And then I paid $31 for 14 pills that is "used to treat acute cystitis". Man, that sounds much more serious than bladder infection.

The nurse practitioner told me to drink cranberry juice every day, but let’s face it – I hate the test of it by itself and there’s no mature adult living with me to force me to drink it. It’d be like her telling me to eat spinach every day. Ain’t happenin’. And you can’t make me! I’ve been taking cranberry tablets and I don’t know if they’re helping because I don’t take them consistently. I’m not that responsible. So what if I’m almost 30.

Man. I’m surprised my dog even gets fed on a regular basis.

juno

Like a good Minnesotan, I read Diablo Cody’s book a while back. I looked through my archives, but realized I must have read it prior to Fake Tits™ from my former job finding my blog, and then me taking everything down and becoming not too sure how to put it all back up. (Oh so sorry, Fake Tits™.) In short, I loved the book very much. I loved that it was based on places I’m somewhat familiar with and I loved the way it was written – I guess in language that sounded like exactly something I’d find myself saying. To continue filling my role of the ideal Minnesota resident, I went to go see Juno this afternoon.

When I walked into the theater, I was kind of surprised at the crowd. It was mainly older people, and by older, I mean quite possibly old enough to be my grandparents. Jodi ran into the same thing in her neck of the woods, and it’s kinda funny! The previews they’ve been showing on TV don’t exactly scream Your Grandparents Movie.

The whole movie was pretty fantastic – the cast, the soundtrack, and obviously the script. I hoped it would be a great movie and worth my $7.25 matinee price, and it didn’t disappoint at all. After hearing all of hype and the five billion awards it’s been nominated for already, I had some doubt in the back of my head going into it, but they were easily erased during the first five minutes. If Hollywood allows Diablo Cody to maintain the type of writing style she’s become known for with Candy Girl and now with Juno, then I’ll be more than excited to see or read anything else with her name attached.

And, because I’m a super nerd with way too much time on my hands and a New Years Resolution to keep track of all the movies I watch, I made a spreadsheet! And because I thought it’d be fun to look at later in the year, I also added worksheets for movies and sporting events, too. SUPER LAME. At least I know this will last all of about six weeks before I get bored with it.

Other things to write about: the Wolves game last night, the Dragon afterwards, and how I need to pack really bad.

restaurant miami

Maybe a year ago, we’d heard mention of a new bar that opened called Restaurant Miami.

Restaurant Miami is Uptown’s hot new spot that embraces the glitz and glam of the Miami nightlife scene (circa 1983). Nothing was lost in the transport of time, from the extravagance, debauchery, socialization, and neon that epitomized the time.

It’s one of those things that you read about and out of nothing more than morbid curiosity, you can’t continue one more day of your life without seeing what you’re missing. And that’s what we did last night.

We’d already eaten dinner, so we didn’t sample anything on the menu, but holy God, the peanut butter sauce they bring out with the Peanut Butter Chicken was awesome enough to drink through a straw. I know this, because I did it. I don’t normally drink peanut butter out of a straw, but after sampling some of their drink menu, well, you get the picture.

This is the front of their drink menu. Yeah, red font wouldn’t have been my first choice either, especially when trying to read it in a not-so-well-list room, after a couple of drinks. But I suppose the early 80s was full of horrible color combinations.

All I Have in This World Are My Balls and My Word was my first drink choice, and I later drank a I Always Tell the Truth Even When I Lie. Jenni may have had a drink called Her Womb is So Polluted, and I think Cindi drank the insides of a stripper covered with suntan oil I’m Tony Montana. You Fuck with Me You Fuckin’ with the Best. Why, yes, all the drinks ARE named after Scarface quotes!

My quick review: the drinks were fantastic. They were big and fruity and strong and relatively decent-priced, which is exactly how I like my men. The decor was kind of hilarious – complete with glass tables, white furniture, and lots of neon signage. One of the bathroom doors had been kicked in and decorated with various graffiti. Quite honestly, the person in charge of picking out the website’s pictures has got to be a pure genius. Instead of the pimped out locale that Crockett & Tubbs may have used to relax after a long day of wearing pastel colors like the website portrays, it’s more of an open room with clearance IKEA furniture and some amazing wall decorations. But you know? What with drinks like the ones we had, they could have let a chimpanzee fling shit on the wall, and I’d still go back.

More »

hey, remember that time we floated in the ocean for hours?

When we got back from our cruise last March, Jenni and I had this glorious plan to put together a book with all of our favorite photos. But I’m a giant slacker and never got around to scanning the two pictures I ended up buying on the cruise, because I absolutely could not live without them. I just got around to scanning them this morning (after staying up way too late watching the live feed of Britney Spears being driven to the hospital via ambulance) and this right here? This is what made me heavily consider moving to the Caribbean:

It’s a rough life, but someone has to live it.

We’re going again from Jan 12-19. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that. Nine days from now, we’ll be in Key West. Enjoying some fine weather, some glorious drinks, and the luxury of not worrying about anything but how much time we have left until the cruise pulls away from the dock.

he’s a little emo sometimes

You know how they say animals don’t do things just to get back at you? I call bullshit on that.

Riley had to stay in my parents garage while I was visiting. While there, he trashed the place. He knocked over ladders, plastic boxers, and almost entirely cleaned off my dad’s workbench. He doesn’t do this kind of thing at home. He’s just fine when he’s by himself. He also resorted to taking care of his bodily business all over the garage, too. Just about every morning, there’d be a pile of poop and a puddle or two of pee. Trust me when I say my dog is more than potty-trained. This puppy of mine pees on command. I’m under the assumption that he was pissed and I can’t say I blame him.

And now we’ve been back for a few days, and he’s back to his lifestyle of sleeping on couches and watching TV all day, while never being more than three feet from me.

But he has a new hobby and it’s called shitting in the house. I’ve found no less than four piles of dog shit since we’ve been back. I thought maybe he was getting a bug of some kind, because it’s not like he’s even telling me he has to go outside. But since the poop is (hey, how about some poop details?) solid and looks completely normal (I inspect all of his poop, because I’m paranoid and am always scared there’s going to be something like blood or worms or bodily organs coming out onto the ground.), that’s not my biggest concern anymore.

We just went outside and he took care of both kinds of business. Then, we came inside, I fed him, and wouldn’t you know it, he walks over by the couch and just craps a bit more. Right the fuck in front of me. I busted him for it, so he stopped and then ran off. I went to go get him, and he tried to test my strength by refusing to walk the whole way over to his magical pile of dookie. I just make him look at it (I know, it probably doesn’t work that way, but I’m not going to put my dog’s nose that’s on me all the time in some shit.) and then he runs away – embarrassed, scared, I don’t know.

Now I have this grown dog, who’s old enough to pick out which collar he wants to wear, and old enough to bring his dog dish to me when it’s empty, randomly pooping on my floor.

The only conclusion I can draw out of this whole pooping saga is that he’s still mad that he had to be a junkyard dog for a couple of weeks and couldn’t stretch out on the couch when he was ready for a nap. Because otherwise, nothing else makes sense.

leave me alone; i’m unemployed

This did not come to any surprise. At all.

Should you be MALE or FEMALE?* created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Either You brain is neither specifically male, nor female in the way you perceive your surroundings. As bad as this may sound to some, it can easily mean that you are capable of combining both gender aspects to your advantage. Rather than being genderless you are possibly able think freely. This does not mean that you are bisexual or androgynous or indecisive, but it might. Either 86% Female 57% Male 39% Neither 7%

some real resolutions

Alright, let’s do this thing up right.

1. Get a job. I’m not taking the one I had lined up previously, and while it may be a decision I’ll regret, that’s a chance I’m willing to take. Last time I worked for this company, I couldn’t go back to Missouri for Christmas. Six months later, my grandma died. This company is retail-oriented, and the CEO believes that there’s no need to close down the corporate office on days like the day after Thanksgiving and any extra days around Christmas. I’m just quoting what the HR lady told me a month or so ago.

2. Find a new apartment. This may be tricky if I have to take care of #2 before I take care of #1. Considering my lease runs out at the end of February, I may have to work on my creative negotiating skills to find a place that doesn’t care about my lack of employment.

3. Volunteer more. The 3 Day is awesome and I’ll never stop devoting so much time and energy to that, but I can give my time to more than one organization. I have a few ideas in mind and will be excited to talk more about it once the details get hashed out.

4. Read 12 books this year. Last year, I aimed for 24. I think I got to 10. Hey, I’m not setting myself up for failure on these!

5. Take another community ed class. Or two. Despite wanting to throttle the teacher of the photography class I took this year, I learned a lot. I’d like to do that again throughout the year!

6. Bench press 150 pounds. I was so close a couple of years ago and holy shit, there’s nothing quite like leaving the gym after benching more than most people in the gym weigh.

More »