two dolla

no tip for you

So, I’m pretty good at explaining how I want my hair to look. Especially now, because it’s it was long enough to actually do something with. And by do something, yes, I mean faux hawk. Shut up. I like it and I like it a lot.

Yesterday, because I’m the biggest glutton for punishment that I know, I decided it’d be a great idea to get a haircut at Wal-Mart, at the same time I was getting an oil change. It seemed brilliant and time saving at the time the idea was conceived, but after the idea was carried out? Not really the smartest thing I’ve ever done.

Nicki, or maybe it’s Nikki, who clearly wasn’t at the top of her beauty school (is that what they even call it anymore?) class, quite possibly mows lawns in her spare time, because my moppy hair was transformed into something that resembles more of a Swiffer if we’re going to stay on the cleaning analogies to describe my current hairstyle.

I’ll be honest. I haven’t washed it since it was cut. Why? Because it was also styled, with quite possibly rubber cement. I figured if she wanted to put me back into the Chia Pet phase, she needed to make my head look somewhat presentable.

The best part? After she took the razor with a four blade to the sides and back of my head. I piped up with, "You know, you can probably stop right now, because this is nothing like I just explained to you."

Her reply? "I’m not done yet."

THANKS, CHICA.

But, like I told her: "It’s just hair. It grows back."

She was super happy after that came out of my mouth.

So happy, in fact, that she didn’t even make eye contact with me tonight when my brother and I hit Wal-Mart up for hairspray and AA batteries. In fact, I’m pretty sure she was trying to hide. Which is awesome.

i’m so… scared!

This is possibly my most favorite TV moment in all the land.

The horrible part? I can’t stop watching it!

ready to cruise

Stingray Sandbar Snorkeling in the Grand Cayman.

ATV Jungle Adventure in Cozumel.

Tabyana Beach Break in Roatan, Honduras.

This is how I will be spending three glorious, glorious days in the Western Caribbean in January.

Which reminds me, I still haven’t written about last year’s cruise!

nice marmot

I have a sudden urge to go bowling. It could be because I’m watching The Big Lebowski for the first time in a long time. Last night, I watched Pretty Woman, Jerry Maguire, and Heartbreakers. Things get exciting when I’m in my hometown.

Today, I spent the morning and afternoon playing Scrabble via Facebook, spending 45 minutes on hold with the unemployment office since I still haven’t gotten anything from those fine folks, and transferring over five years worth of stuff from my parents’ old computer to a new one.

Tomorrow, I’m getting an oil change and a haircut. And if there’s time, I may get a nice, lovely Christmas portrait taken. All in the same building. I love Wal-Mart Super Center.

Yeah, things get entirely crazy in this neck of the woods.

road trip twitters explained

Riley and I left The Cuz’s house today a little after noon and drove to Sedalia, where I’ll be spending the next week… or however long I decide to stay. It’s anywhere from a three to four hour drive, depending on how many times I stop and how many speed limits I decide to ignore. There’s usually very little of the first and a whole hell of a lot of the second, but ended up being the exact opposite this time.

I think the most accurate way to explain the drive is to explain my Twitter activity for the afternoon. I figured it was the most accurate way I’d be able to remind myself what I wanted to write about, short of taking notes while driving. Then again, it’s probably not much different then texting while driving on an Interstate.

I just made my own energy drink at a gas station. I love Moto Mart, even if they discontinued the big ‘Mo.

When I was in St. Louis this summer, The Cuz told me Moto Mart (a gas station chain in the area) used to sell drinks called The Big Mo, and she knew I needed one. As my bad luck would have it, Moto Mart no longer offers such an ingenious product. I can’t imagine why. I just really want a cup that says Big Mo on it. No reason.

Instead, I made a visit to the fountain machine where I could put Dr. Pepper, vanilla flavoring, and shots of energy drink into one up. ALL WITH MY OWN RECIPE. I may not be able to cook worth a shit, but mixing fountain drinks at a convenience store? I think it’s my calling.

I always feel a little empty inside when I sing along to Journey without my BFFs screaming along with me.

Shortly after I made a stop at Ozarkland, which had been distracting me by giant billboards for miles, in an attempt to find souvenirs for my BFFs (mission: halfway successful), Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” came blaring through my factory speakers. I sang along as the top of my lungs, because there’s no way more appropriate to sing such a masterpiece. But, without my BFFs bellowing along with me, complete with hand movements, it just didn’t feel the same.

Aaaand I can always tell I’m getting closer to my hometown by the # of roadside “adult superstores”.

Seriously.

I really wanted to take pictures of all the signs, but I didn’t have time to stop that many times. A little place called “Passion’s” is my favorite, and mainly because they clearly have a gigantic advertising budget, staking claims of having “lingerie in all sizes” and also letting anyone traveling on I-70 that Passion’s is “where lovers shop”.

As many times as I’ve made random trips into Sex World, you’d think I’d be a regular at roadside porn shops. The closest I’ve ever been to inside any of these adult-themes stores housed in metal pole barns is the one time my car full of road trip buddies all posed in front of one, using the hood of my car as a tripod to take a nice family picture in front of the joint.

Usually travel deals comprise of cheap hotels and economical airline tickets as well as common car rental guide. In case of cheap cruises there are other adjustments too.

backdating again

Terrific pre-Thanksgiving dinner tonight. Here’s what I’m thankful for right now:

I’m kinda crazy about this kid.

In extremely sad news, my old boss, the one that I loved a lot and that gave me so many opportunities to do so much with my previous employer, passed away Thursday night. I’m sure I haven’t processed it yet.

some things are better off forgotten

It’s been a while since we’ve examined the awesomeness that is my iPod content. In the spirit of The Cuz being a regular Friday Shuffler, here are the first ten songs that came up:

1. Shake Your Groove Thing – Peaches and Herb
2. Forget About Dr. Dre – Dr. Dre (featuring Eminem)
3. Do Ya Wanna Party – Kelly Osbourne
4. If I Had You – Nnenna Freelon (I really don’t even know this song.)
5. Manic Monday – Bangles
6. Lose Control – Missy Elliott (Featuring Ciara & Fat man Scoop)
7. Wish U Were Here – Jamie Foxx
8. A Moment Like This – Kelly Clarkson
9. Friday Fun – The Donnas
10. Every Other Time – LFO

The Cuz-In-Law is in the next room tuning his birthday present – Guitar Hero III. You know what that means? We’re gonna have to rock tonight. As long as we don’t stay up so late that we sleep through Thanksgiving story time at the bookstore tomorrow morning.

What? I’m still hardcore. There’s fancy bourbon being passed around right now, and my classic Jello Shot Salad (patent pending) in the ‘fridge waiting for a party tomorrow.

i may have more content later

Look at me. Posting and not having to backdate it. That doesn’t mean this is quality.

After cruising some awesome shops in downtown Belleville today, we spent the day with what has to be two of the cutest two year old boys ever to step foot in the St. Louis metro area. When I get around to it, I need to add Toddler Wrangling to my resume, because I’m fucking good at it.

You know what I’m not good at, and will never list on my resume? 8th grade science.

 I have Matt to thank for that one. Because The Cuz and I decided since science isn’t in our genes, we took the booze test. I think she may have scored extra credit. Me?

good thing they were cheap

Today’s the busiest day I’ve had since I was fired my position was eliminated.

I woke up to a missing dog, because he’s found new best friends in his cousin-dogs. The amazing thing is that I woke up before, you know, lunch time, which is what I’ve grown accustomed to doing for the past month. The Cuz wrote about it here. And the subject of the post is true – I totally paid for the naked ladies, and Antoine the backpack toting drive thru employee at McDonald’s know that, too.

Tomorrow’s zoo plans have pretty much been kicked aside due to this whole thing about small children not having fun when the windchill is in the 40s. It may mean that Lardass the Dog Riley spends some more time outside, which could result in more carpentry lessons from The Cuz-In-Law…

Hey, and when I tell someone I want to play a game of Scrabble via Facebook and I want to be done with it tonight, that means don’t take 12 minutes to play your fucking word, jackass.

a quick cheating type list

1. I drove from Eagan, MN to Belleville, IL in 8 hours 15 minutes. I win.
2. That’s four states in eight hours.
3. I watched the first season of Entourage at some point today, and holy crap – I seriously want to watch the rest of them as soon as possible!
4. I get to make Jello shot salad for Saturday’s pre-Thanksgiving party.
5. I need a haircut REALLY BAD.