two dolla

snippets of awesome

You know why I love my friends? Example #6940687.

Here’s a small example of AIM conversation snippets Jenni and I have had since Monday.:

Jenni: ORANGE
Me: I LIKE SIX
Jenni: I LIKE FRIENDS
Me: god, we’re awesome.
Jenni: i know!!

Me: dude, i found a new job, if only i was 7 years younger: http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/tfr/424461087.html
Jenni: HELL YES
Jenni: hardcore is phasing out. um, what??
Me: hahaha.
Jenni: i don’t believe it.

Jenni: my shirt’s maroon, which is kind of purple.
Me: mine’s brown, which looks like purple poop.

Me: hahahaha. dude. why was i farting at people when they walked around the lake?
Jenni: because you’re awesome.
Me: I LIKE FRIENDS. that’s why.
Jenni: i think they were farting because it was a first date?
Jenni: ORANGE

Me: ACTIVATING FRAUD.
Jenni: COMMENCE ILLEGAL ACTIVITY

That last snippet? Totally non-fiction.

he’s a plus sized boy

With the weather being as cool as it’s been in my neck of the woods lately, Riley gets to go a lot more places – more trips to the pet store, more running quick errands, and more visits to the dog park since he doesn’t get so hot this time of year. I mentioned this the other day via Twitter, but will mention it again here.

I see all of these designer cat carriers and fancy-schmancy dog tote bags, and I can’t help but feel like dog accessory companies are forgetting that big dogs are high maintenance, too! Not that I would do it on anytime but a special occasion and/or event of some nature, but sometimes Riley likes to wear t-shirts. More often than not, my only source for couture (did I just use that word?) for my pooch has to somewhere on the Internet.

This is what I get for turning on my computer at home for the night and getting sucked into actually working from home when I should be, you know, sleeping from home.

how i learned to fish

I’m very excited for this weekend. The Crew (and I) are going camping at a place called Brunet Island State Park. I am very excited, but overly excited for one thing in particular – FISHING. Because I wasn’t a blogging nerd from the time I was a wee toddler until about the age of 20, you missed out on a good 20 years of fishing stories. Seriously.

When I’m home over Thanksgiving, I’ll have to scan in some photos from my formative fishing years. Not only can you see how hardcore I was back in the day, but also my terrific fashion sense while aboard a boat with a motor that doesn’t go over 30 MPH.

You know who I learned most of my fishing bidness from? My grammas. Sure, my dad was there a lot, too, but you’ve never seen two harder fishing folk then my two grammas.

Man, I miss the 90s, where I’d spend every weekend possible in a mobile home that’d be converted into my grandparents’ lake home. My grandparents would take four of us between the ages of five (when they first got married) and 18 (when we got jobs and couldn’t visit as much) out on the boat nearly every day and let us fish until we started fighting, and then it was back to the trailer where we had to clean everything off the Pontoon boat and help put everything back in its exact proper spot, only to start it all over the next morning.
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jenni made me

This is what’s on my desk at work, that’s not related to work. It might explain why I get easily distracted.

• two empty vases and one full of flowers
• an eye patch
• a DVD of Shaker Run
• a Big E Pak of gum that The Work Boys™ ripped the label off and wrote VIAGRA across the front of it
• five pink plastic cups
• Lubriderm (label also ripped off and sometime used to squirt at The Work Boys™)
• hair wax that’s gone unused for entirely too long
• a Torii Hunter poster
• my Camelbak bottle
• a wall-sized Twins schedule stolen from U Otter Stop Inn
• a pink apron
• this picture of Riley and a picture of my grandparents that I can’t find on Flickr, but it’s similar to this one.

And this is even after I filled a whole box with personal effects last week. No reason.

damn you, britney

I love writing about my dreams, especially when I keep wanting to go back to sleep to finish them.

I was grocery shopping with three people that I don’t recall. We were in the back of the store, in the wine section, when a parade of people started marching single file past the aisle and into the swinging doors that all grocery stores have. We all crouched down while the gunman pushed them all in the door. I’m pretty sure the robber guy shot the three dudes I was with, because I made a run for it.

Once I got out of the front doors, I called 911 and just left my phone on the sidewalk. Why, you ask? Because I saw Britney Spears sitting in the corner, next to a window, making faces at one of her kids. BUT SHE WAS ALSO CRYING.

I walked over to her, and she seemed scared. I’m assuming that part of it, though, but she did curl up into the fetal position, while her son was on the inside of the window banging on it.

I assured Britney I was only there to help, so she finally uncurled herself and we started talking. She wanted to know the name of the contact person that did web design at the old ISP I used to work for, because she was sure if her website looked better, her image would look better. In the middle of this conversation, I had to run back over to the grocery store that was being robbed to get my Medal of Honor for calling the police.

When I went back to continue my conversation with Britney, she was gone, but her kid was still inside this storefront. I had to break a window to get him out, but then, I adopted him.

Not only did I save a grocery store full of people from a crazed gunman, but I also saved a toddler from his crazy mom. I AM A HERO.

2 incredible years

You know what happened two years ago?

Yep, today is our second anniversary!

frens club meeting #1: orange

I just wrote a 1500+ word recap of about 20 minutes that took place last night, but I decided not to post it all here. You get the short version.

Last night, we were at a bar (Big 10 in Stadium Village). The bar happened to be located right in the middle of all the University of Minnesota dorms, so you can kind of imagine the biggest part of the clientèle. Aside from the middle-aged men that was grunting in the bathroom and sitting at the bar trying to be buddy-buddy with some 21 year old college frat boys, we were quite possibly the only ones in the building that remember when MTV actually showed music videos.

As we’re wont to do, we got a little rowdy with our stories and our phone calls to Cindi’s parents, but that’s what happens when you get FRENS CLUB together and then they leave their cell phone unattended at the table. We were discussing drink choices, because we like to spruce things up a bit instead of sticking to our regulars, when we saw what we thought was a shot infused with Hpnotiq (the most horrible thing in just about all the land). The fellas drinking this shot had been the butt of our jokes for quite a while, so I didn’t exactly want to ask what they were drinking, but I did it anyway. This ended up being the biggest mistake of the night.

I don’t really know what happened between that and him yelling at me about my hair, but apparently something set him off. I wish I could remember exactly what he said, but it all seemed so ridiculous and so completely unreal. It was something along the lines of “I hope you asked for a refund when went to get your hair cut like that.”

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important looking phones = success

It’s possible that I’ve been doing a lot of thinking when it comes to my professional future. No real reason this month, I guess, but I’d be lying if I said I never thought about owning my own business. Who hasn’t?

What would my million-dollar-making self-owned venture be? Something awesome, I’m sure, and it would surely involve bringing my dog to work every day and a refrigerator stocked with caffeine-free pop, so I don’t get tired of drinking Orange Sunkist all day long like I do at my current job.

I figure, I’d need an awesome neon sign regardless of what industry I’d be busy dominating. And I’d also need the best of any small business phone systems I could find. It’d have to have overhead paging, so we could be lazy and not have to actually get up to talk to each other. And instead of a secretary, I’d have to have an auto-attendant on the phone that sounded just like Samuel L. Jackson, so then people might be afraid to hang up if all of our “customer care specialists were busy helping other customers” or we’re too busy playing flip cup in the lunchroom.

Plus, phones like these? They look even cooler than the Star Trek crap that I’m used to using at my current job, and nothing says success like awesome looking phones.

Did I forget to mention that it’d probably be a good idea for everyone involved if customers weren’t actually allowed inside whatever business I start up? That might be key in not getting shut down by the Better Bidness Bureau.

i’m stealin’ it all

I got home late from work today, put my key in my apartment door, and guess what? It wouldn’t turn. Funny, since it turned about 9 hours prior to that when I left for work this morning. Luckily, this is the one day of the week that my apartment complex is open past 6pm, so I called. They asked me to walk over to the other building to get a new key, so I did. Got back over to my building, and oh wait for it – that key didn’t work either. I called back to the front office and the lady said she’d come right over.

Meanwhile, I get a call about a very important work thing that needed immediate attention. I’d brought my laptop home (to clean off all reminents of personal things of mine), so I flipped it open in the hallway and after connecting to my wireless network (named AWESOME), I managed to get a bit of work done before the apartment lady came.

When she finally showed up, none of the keys she had with her worked. At all. So, you know how we got into my apartment? With some master key. You know what my options were after that? Not have a key until I get home from work tomorrow, or keep the master key with me all night.

Guess who has a master key to all the apartments in my building?

yes, i like flowers

I’ve been going through a ton of shit in a certain area of my life right now, that I’m not really at liberty to talk about on this site for fear of unfriendly repercussion. A lot of you probably know about it from my LiveJournal or emailing, or even perhaps my private Twitter account.

My Work BFF™ has been the most awesome person ever when it comes to listening to me whine or complain or just get downright angry with this particular situation. If the roles were reversed, I’d like to think I’d be as cool with the constant interruptions and bitchfests I’ve filled her ear with for the last couple of months. And today, she totally outdid herself, albeit she’s still denying it!

This morning, shortly before lunch, I got a call from our receptionist and an email marked OMGHIGHPRIORITY that I had flowers at the front desk. I took a jaunt towards that side of the building for the second time that day, and sure enough – flowers for me. The Work Boys™ gibed me for a while after I picked them up, because “Ooooh, Wendy got flowers!” and that must mean I’m sleeping with someone. (They’re adorable, and they’re fun, but those boys aren’t all there sometimes.)

Anyway, now I have a gorgeous arrangement of fresh flowers on my desk at work with a card that anonymously reminds me how awesome I am. You can’t possibly get a co-worker any better than that.