two dolla

chris heintz on the field!

My baseball obsession has kind of taken a backseat this summer, mainly because of the other stuff I have going on, but it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate a good scruffy-faced injured-catcher from time to time.

Big Joe Mauer, you should lose the razor every once in a while. I’m just sayin’.

I’m a little scared the Twins might find themselves short on catchers, if they’re not careful. One of the Douche Sox pitchers clocked Mike Redmond with a pitch last night, rendering him unable to run the bases.

When I saw Chris Heintz trembling with nerves as he took off his catcher equipment, I had to run outside of Tony Jaro’s and let Bill and Matt know what was going on. Chris Heintz! You’re a ball player, son!

the fortune that lied

On Tuesday at lunch, my Work BFF™ and I went to Leann Chin to have the most authentic Asian food in all the land. Her fortune said: Tomorrow will be one of the best days you have at work. Wednesday was quite possibly the worst day at work I’ve ever had and while it wasn’t exactly my fortune, I figured it’d at least rub off a little on me, but I was obviously dead wrong.

Within an hour of getting into work, I had to deal with something that I shouldn’t have even been involved in to begin with, but I stepped into defend a buddy and I guess that was enough to throw me into the middle. I didn’t do anything wrong, none of my buddies did anything wrong. It made me question my integrity, which pretty much defines my work ethic nowadays.* Obviously, it’s a work-sensitive issue and I can’t discuss it publicly. It seriously made me stick to my stomach and despite making an attempt to go get some lunch, I wasn’t even hungry.

I couldn’t focus on work after we got back from our thwarted lunch run. After we got back from lunch, Hennepin County felt the need to sound the tornado sirens, due to some serious weather that had been reported very north of where I work. I was prepared to batten down the hatches and just work through the sirens, since it wasn’t even raining in my neck of the woods, but we got herded into our Safety Zone instead.

We had no idea where our Safety Zone was, but we were adamantly told to take cover somewhere without windows. Half a dozen of us headed to the supply room to sit around and look at each other for a half hour, putting me out of commission to put together some quotes I was supposed to be getting out as soon as possible. Lovely. I spent the last half hour of my day stressed out and behind on deadlines and that infuriates me.

I sped home to try to get my packages from my apartment’s office before they closed at 6. I got there at quarter ’til and a sign was hanging on the door letting people know they’d closed the office early for construction. I decided I’d do some laundry so I could take some clean pants to Missouri tomorrow, but then I noticed the nice signs on the dryers that said “Dryers aren’t working. Vents are broken.” Isn’t that convenient?

The good news? My passive aggressive sign vandalizing from yesterday was gone and the door was fixed. I can now go into my front door without propping it open with someone else’s newspaper. Hooray.

(*Disclaimer for smart asses that drop by from time to time: While I may have made some decisions or two over five years ago that weren’t up to my current moral code, everyone learns and grows and changes. You can save your comments/emails or they’ll be shared with everyone.)

you got what i need

Your mom is so poor, she went to McDonald’s and put a shake on layaway.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4sl7ON3Y-U[/youtube]

I can’t get enough of this video and/or song right now.

written out loud

About three months ago, my apartments were sold to a company that immediately hung up this large sign, claiming that “Home Is Where One Starts From”. I’ve already gotten into an argument (and nearly fisticuffs) with the new manager, because he didn’t return my phone call, and was going to charge me $50 for something ridiculous. My cooler head prevailed for once and I, of course, was the victor of that situation.

Slowly, but surely, things have gone downhill. Some hooligan spit two loogies on the wall in the stairwell, and instead of cleaning the snot off, it’s been painted over. You can still see the crusties under the paint. The wind blew a large pine tree down into the parking lot and it stayed there for 3 days, making people drive into the grass if they wanted in the garage.

They made everyone park in the street for two days while they “powerwashed” the garage, but I’m pretty sure it never got power washed, because I worked from home the day it was supposed to be done. The garage is right below me, and I’m thinking I might have heard a little commotion.

Outside of my balcony, you can find a pair of shorts, an empty air freshener bottle, a large Super Soaker water gun, and an empty 2 liter bottle of orange soda. That type of yard decoration has been typical since the new management’s taken over.

Almost a week ago, the property jerk-offs posted this sign on the front door. My apartment is in the middle of the building, along with the garage and mailboxes. It was kind of a pain in the ass, but I was dealing with it. And then I realized I didn’t get mail for three days because my mail lady didn’t know her front door key could open the side door.

Today, I’d kinda had enough, so I took a Sharpie and wrote “then fix it” on their stupid sign. Sharpie always tells us to Write Out Loud, so I did.

i rocked out to nirvana, too

Three out of five of my responsibilities for the night have been completed. Although, I would only call one successful.

I stopped to get my haircut first, and it was the only time in the 5+ years I’ve lived in this state that I’ve went back to the same person. Now I know why I never do it. She wouldn’t let me tell her anything and just started cutting away. My soon-to-be-forming mullet has now turned into something that almost allows me to make my own faux-hawk. Almost anyway. So, you know what this would be a perfect time for? Getting up to $5000 towards The 3 Day, so I can shave this shit off. (I’m almost up to $1500!)
Needless to say, I won’t be visiting Binh at the Cost Cutters in Eagan anymore. And, yes, I know, you hair snobs, I shouldn’t be going to Cost Cutters anyway.

I went to exchange my phone and ended up getting the only Samsung flip phone that had a camera, other than the model I have, and guess what? I kinda hate it. It seems like it’s a step down from my phone! I haven’t heard a single good thing about the Razr, other than Ami James from Miami Ink designs some of them, but that’s not enough to convince me to buy one. I’m kinda pissed about the crappy phone, but I’ll either get over it or take it back for a refund and just keep using my old one that’s been swimming before.

And then there’s Guitar Hero II. Oh man. I’m glad I bought it when I did. It should fill in the time suck roll that all m’evening programs take up, now that they’re all working on their season finales. Also, I’m a rock star. Naturally. This would be the successful part of my evening.

i can sense your envy

I may quite possibly have the most exciting evening of all time planned.

• Get a haircut. I may have close to a mullet right now.
• Exchange my cell phone. I bought a new one and I hate it.
• Exchange Guitar Hero II, because the one I bought doesn’t work.
• Wash some pants so I can wear some to work tomorrow.
• Clean out my car so I can pack for my trip to MO.

I’d also like to write about my weekend, which included a German hammer game, snuff, making out, changing my tire at 4:45 a.m., our Flip Cup Tournament, chicken and waffles for brunch, and many, many naps.

cross here, please

I was having a crabby day this morning and then I saw this on my way to work:

How can you be crabby when there are six baby geese being led across the crosswalk?

i’m feeling inadequately prepared

The 3 Day is still over three months away, but I’ve already started dreaming about it. Last night’s dream was actually nightmare, which makes me think I should probably start training and fundraising just a little bit harder.

I dreamt it was the day of the walk and we were all meeting at opening ceremonies. I got there and realized I was wearing flip flops and a sweater, which is not exactly the attire I’d wear during The 3 Day. I was panicking, and then I realized I’d forgotten to buy tennis shoes at all, so it was either flip flops or nothing.

THEN (I know, it gets worse!), I realized I didn’t have my 3 Day credentials, which means no name badge, no stickers, and no way for them to officially check in and out of camp every night.

But the most terrible part in all the dream? We didn’t have route cards yet and Jenni didn’t even care.

I realize this dream will mean absolutely nothing to anyone that hasn’t actually done The 3 Day, but rest assured, I woke up in a sweat this morning.

silly ol’ dog

For starters, let me just say that I love my dog more than I ever thought I could love something that licks his own penis and pees on trees. In all seriousness, I love him more than a lot. And maybe that’s what makes his special needs so tolerable.

Today, the vet suggested I give him a fatty acid supplement to help him with his allergies. Obviously I’m leaving out some details, but they’re not relevant. These fatty acid supplements are the size of a fish oil or flax seed pill that humans take – about an inch long and a quarter of an inch wide. The vet tech today told me that I could probably just throw it in his food and he’d never know the difference, because a lot of dogs like the taste of omega fatty acid. Man, who wouldn’t?

Here’s what we’ve tried tonight:

• the pill straight in the food
• the pill wrapped in cheese
• the pill dipped in peanut butter
• shoved into this mouth and held (twice)
• surgically implanted into a hot dog

Guess what’s lying on the carpet in the middle of my hallway? One omega fatty acid capsule, slightly licked.

Three hours of battling with him to take it and I’m spent. Now, he’s curled up on the couch, clearly full from all of the extra food he got today and no doubt smirking in his sleep about spitting it out every time. Silly ol’ dog.

holy busy summer already

I know it’s not technically summer yet, but holy crap, is mine busy already. I’m not complaining, because it’s all awesome, but look:

• 5/19 – Flip Cup Tournament for The 3 Day (please come!)
• 5/20 – Lynx Season Opener
• 5/24 to 5/28 – in MO for Memorial Day
• 6/2 – Bridal Shower thing and Jumi’s Birthday
• 6/8 – Jenni’s Birthday & Brother Ali at First Ave
• 6/9 & 6/10 – Chippewa Falls/Eau Claire, WI
• 6/10 – Riley’s Birthday
• 6/16 – Light Rail Pub Crawl
• 6/17 – Pride Picnic
• 6/23 & 6/24 – Pride
• 6/23 – 3 Day Expo
• 6/28 to 7/1 – Dickinson, ND for Roughrider Days
• 7/6 to 7/8 or 9 – Summerfest in Milwaukee
• 7/13 to 7/15 or 16 – Weekend trip to St. Louis & new tattoo (possibly)
• 8/2 to 8/5 – Baseball road trip to Milwaukee & Chicago
• 8/11 – Twine Ball Day in Darwin, MN
• 8/14 – Reel Big Fish at Myth
• 8/24 to 8/26 – The 3 Day (please donate!)
• 9/2 – wedding (not mine!)
• 9/28 to 10/2 (?) – Boston

And hopefully I’ll be shaving my head at some point during all of that mess!